For anyone who is consciously following a
path that leads to greater growth, understanding, and wisdom, it could be said
that the small details of daily life are what can most irritate, stress, anger,
bewilder, or simply defeat us – albeit momentarily. Yet, in these small
details, we are offered the gift of tools
that can serve us well in our quest for growth, just as a hammer can help us
drive a nail into wood, or a screwdriver can remove a rusted screw and help
replace it with a shiny, new one.
If the cashier at the supermarket is
alarmingly slow, you have a tool to learn patience. If a negligent or texting
driver cuts you off in a way that could have caused an accident, you have a
tool to become mindfully aware of yourself – in order to learn how to process yourself
back towards a state of inner calm. If a noise from the street threatens to
irritate you, there is the tool to become mindfully aware (again), in order to
learn how to choose to ignore that
which disturbs your inner calm. If a customer service agent for your
electricity provider is rude, you have a tool to learn how to maintain healthy
boundaries while also maintaining your inner calm. If the news presented on
television every day is heart-breaking or horrifying, you have a tool to learn the
difference between pain and empathy or compassion (also see Empathy
vs Altruistic Love and Compassion).
You can probably come up with dozens of
other examples of those little things that so irritate us. Jung said: “Everything that irritates us about others
can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.”, and while I’ve written
about this in the past, I believe the truly important growth principle is this:
are you willing to also look at
yourself in the midst of thinking something negative about another? Not because
you are necessarily at fault about anything at all, but to understand exactly why you are so irritated,
annoyed, angry, etc. Because in examining your
own negative emotion that arises due to another, you are setting off on yet
another path to growth. Perhaps it is bringing up triggers from your past that
have nothing to do with the person you are facing, but if you choose to focus
on what you perceive as their failing;
their badness; their fault for making you feel like that, you will never learn to
understand yourself and grow from it. Every bit of affect (emotion), as Jung stated, can teach you something about
yourself – especially the negative affect.
Another important tool for growth has to do
with your worries. Whatever causes you to worry is a place where you can grow.
The growth might be to become more mindful in order that you deal with the
worry differently rather than just continually ruminating about that which –
for the time being – you are unable to change. The growth might also be to decide
to move in a new, unproven direction that implies some risk in order to ease
the problem that is causing you this worry. Who knows, you might even solve it!
The growth might come from taking on a new perspective about the worry – one
that means that you think differently about it - and hence possibly worry less,
and thus are able to proactively move towards a solution.
And then, of course, there’s the really big
stuff that symbolizes an enormously fertile tool for growth. Terminal disease,
chronic pain, loss of financial security, heart-rending and agonizing rifts in
families between parents and adult children, or between siblings, grandparents
who are kept from their grandchildren, a marriage or love relationship gone
awry, the death of a spouse, a parent, a sibling, a child, or another kind of
bereavement that comes from the loss of friendship, addiction on the part of a
loved one, suicide, and so much more. Life serves up an endless panoply of
variations on the theme of pain. Unless we are able to look at the ones that
appear and acknowledge the fact that there is something to learn here, we may
sag, become brittle, and break, especially if some of these greater blows come
later in life. That is, if we have not bothered learning from lesser problems
earlier on (as Thomas Moore writes in his marvellous The Ageless Soul), which would provide us with some muscle power,
we may not only fail to grow from the situation, but we may wither under its
onslaught. (Also see: Pain
& Joy: The Balancing Act of Your Inner Life).
I have no words or easy formulas to help
you begin to live this way. But I do know this: by consciously deciding each
and every time something upsets you - whether it is as simple as an irritation
about someone on the periphery of your life, or as complex as facing a terminal
diagnosis – that you will find something to learn from the situation; something
that will help you grow, then it does become easier. This means that the
process gradually becomes part of your life; simply part of what is (as Tolle puts it), or, in words
by Krishnamurti that initially most of us find very hard to grasp: my happiness comes from not minding what
happens. This is not apathy. Rather, it is inner peace that comes from
wisdom.
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VIDEO COURSES IN ENGLISH
See the preview (click the title below) to my online video course:
Now Available
"Fatherless Women & Motherless Men"
Click HERE
***************
See the preview (click on the title below) to my online video course:
Now Available
"Freedom From the Torture of Your Thoughts"
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**************************************************
See the preview (click on the title below) to my online video course
*****************************
CHARLAS EN ESPAÑOL EN YOUTUBE
Vampiros energéticos: Su efecto destructivo en tu vida
En YouTube aquí
CHARLAS EN ESPAÑOL EN YOUTUBE
Vampiros energéticos: Su efecto destructivo en tu vida
En YouTube aquí
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"Límites malsanos y autoestima: Tu felicidad y el amor hacia ti mismo"
"Límites malsanos y autoestima: Tu felicidad y el amor hacia ti mismo"
****************************
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"Soluciones para personas emocionalmente inaccesibles
y con dependencia emocional"
en Youtube aquí
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Narcisismo y Psicopatía: Vivir sin Empatía
en YouTube aquí
****************************
Relación espiritual y sexo en pareja
en YouTube aquí
****************************
Elige hábitos para llevar una vida de bienestar
en YouTube aquí
****************************
Morir: Un enfoque espiritual
en YouTube aquí
****************************
Amor sano o disfuncional: ¿Cuál es la diferencia?
en YouTube aqui
*****************************
"Soluciones para personas emocionalmente inaccesibles
y con dependencia emocional"
en Youtube aquí
****************************
Narcisismo y Psicopatía: Vivir sin Empatía
****************************
Relación espiritual y sexo en pareja
en YouTube aquí
****************************
Elige hábitos para llevar una vida de bienestar
en YouTube aquí
****************************
Morir: Un enfoque espiritual
en YouTube aquí
****************************
Amor sano o disfuncional: ¿Cuál es la diferencia?
en YouTube aqui
*****************************
BOOKS - LIBROS - BÜCHER
Also visit my book website: www.gabriellakortsch.com where you may download excerpts or read quotations from any of my books (also in Spanish & German). My latest book Emotional Unavailability & Neediness: Two Sides of the Same Coin is available globally on Amazon in print & Kindle. You can also obtain it (or any of my other books) via Barnes & Noble.
Bücher von Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (Deutsch) ... JETZT bei Amazon (Taschenbuch oder E-Book) erhältlich
DEINE SEELE UND DU
Libros por Gabriella Kortsch (español) ... ahora en todo el mundo en Amazon en versión bolsillo y Kindle
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