Having hit rock bottom is generally considered to be one of
the most difficult moments in a person’s life. It can be for any number of
reasons: professional, personal (relationships, family), financial, or health,
and frequently several or all of these are intertwined, making it feel like a
nightmare from which you are not able to wake. If you have no tools to help you
deal with this, obviously the whole thing just gets that much harder, and then
you might resort to alcohol, antidepressants, sleeping pills, recreational
drugs, or worse.
TIP #1: Take a
reality check
In cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) we look at reality vs
myth. When you’re hanging at the end of your rope, you might be placing more
emphasis on the myth, than on the reality. As an example, in a panic attack
someone may not be able to get into an airplane due to the fear that planes
crash. We could say that clearly the statistical reality is that the possibility of a plane crashing is much lower
than that of getting into a traffic accident. Using this kind of ‘reality’ vs
the ‘myth’ that the person has in his mind, is one of the ways of bringing
about the inner change over time. In the case of hanging at the end of your
rope, you might believe you will never, ever get out of the hole you are in.
Check the reality of that vs its myth by reading Tip #2. Or you might believe
you are in a situation that simply has no solution. Check the reality of that
vs its myth by reading Tip #3. You might believe the goal you have set for
yourself is simply too large, and that you will never be able to accomplish it.
Check the reality of that vs its myth by reading Tip #4.
TIP #2: Look into
past experiences of success
My German compatriots have a wonderful expression – actually
it’s just a very long word – Erfolgserlebnis,
which means an “experience of success”. And of course the experience must be yours! So search around in your past
when you did something at which you succeeded. Did you run that marathon? Did
you learn that foreign language? Did you write that paper? Did you give that
speech? Did you learn how to cook? Did you learn how to use that specialized
software? Whatever it was – and obviously there may be more than just a single
experience of success in your past, and even if that experience is unrelated to the current challenge – use the
knowledge of it; the knowledge of that particular bit of success in your life,
to urge yourself forward. To encourage yourself in the present endeavour. To
realize that if you were capable of that,
you may also be capable of this.
TIP #3: Find a role
model who’s been there, done that, and came out the other end
In my own life, as I have always enjoyed reading biographies
and autobiographies, it was generally not necessary to go out there and hunt
for someone who was going through my own experience, because I already knew
about someone like that from those books. It helped immensely to go back and
re-read about how they overcame whatever it was that I was going through.
Perhaps their solution was not mine, but it felt as though I had an ally –
someone who understood my story, my predicament, my pain. When I was 31, my
sons aged eight, six, and five were kidnapped. To put labels on what we all
went through would be simplifying what was simply the most painful experience –
among numerous others - of our lives. Curiously enough, I had, just a year or
so before, read an autobiography of a woman who had undergone a similar
experience, and I remember thinking, at the time I read it, why on earth are your reading about
something so terrible? I had also recently – serendipitously - befriended a
woman who had just months before told me of a similar tragedy in her own life,
a daughter who had been kidnapped to another continent two decades earlier, and
whom she had never seen again. Basing myself at least in part on their tragedies, I willed up the
strength in my own life, in order to deal with it as best I could so that I did
not fall off the end of my rope. Looking at others’ experiences that are
similar to your own may help you find solutions.
TIP #4: Chunk it down
Overwhelm is one of those things that tends to happen when
you’re at the end of your rope. You’re so devastated by what is happening, that
you can’t see the forest for the trees. Or you focus on the forest and can’t
see any one single tree. And so you freeze. By chunking things down into
manageable bits, you will be able to move forward, even if slowly, but you’ll
gain momentum shortly. So how do you chunk it down? Think: let me just get through today. In order to do that, what do I need to
do? Just until after dinnertime. Or think: what is one small thing I can do right now that will help me move
forward? Even if it seems quite tiny and unimportant? Or think: what can I focus on just for now, that
will help me calm down? Because the more calm I am, the more I’ll be able to
assess what is going on and figure out how to move forward … even if I have no
idea right now how to solve the big picture.
What comes after?
Clearly, it makes sense that you do all you can to not find
yourself in such a situation again. Not
controlling situations that create problems in your life, as you will never
have total control over that, but ensuring that you never again find yourself hanging at the end of your rope, no
matter what. So, how can you avoid that?
My suggestion is always related to being present and aware
and very conscious of yourself at all times. This implies mindfulness, about
which I have written a multitude of articles, both via this newsletter, as well
as in my blogs, and of course in my books. This is a practice that builds on
every single time you do it. It grows exponentially until one day you realize
that it fills your entire day, almost as though it were background music in
your life. By so doing, you realize that no matter what life throws at you, you
are able to remain present and calm, you are able to find a place of peace
inside of you in the midst of the storm, and hence never get anywhere near the
end of your rope.
***************
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See the preview (click on the title below) to my online video course
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CHARLAS EN ESPAÑOL EN YOUTUBE
Vampiros energéticos: Su efecto destructivo en tu vida
En YouTube aquí
CHARLAS EN ESPAÑOL EN YOUTUBE
Vampiros energéticos: Su efecto destructivo en tu vida
En YouTube aquí
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"Límites malsanos y autoestima: Tu felicidad y el amor hacia ti mismo"
"Límites malsanos y autoestima: Tu felicidad y el amor hacia ti mismo"
****************************
****************************
"Soluciones para personas emocionalmente inaccesibles
y con dependencia emocional"
en Youtube aquí
****************************
Narcisismo y Psicopatía: Vivir sin Empatía
en YouTube aquí
****************************
Relación espiritual y sexo en pareja
en YouTube aquí
****************************
Elige hábitos para llevar una vida de bienestar
en YouTube aquí
****************************
Morir: Un enfoque espiritual
en YouTube aquí
****************************
Amor sano o disfuncional: ¿Cuál es la diferencia?
en YouTube aqui
*****************************
"Soluciones para personas emocionalmente inaccesibles
y con dependencia emocional"
en Youtube aquí
****************************
Narcisismo y Psicopatía: Vivir sin Empatía
****************************
Relación espiritual y sexo en pareja
en YouTube aquí
****************************
Elige hábitos para llevar una vida de bienestar
en YouTube aquí
****************************
Morir: Un enfoque espiritual
en YouTube aquí
****************************
Amor sano o disfuncional: ¿Cuál es la diferencia?
en YouTube aqui
*****************************
BOOKS - LIBROS - BÜCHER
Also visit my book website: www.gabriellakortsch.com where you may download excerpts or read quotations from any of my books (also in Spanish & German). My latest book Emotional Unavailability & Neediness: Two Sides of the Same Coin is available globally on Amazon in print & Kindle. You can also obtain it (or any of my other books) via Barnes & Noble.
Bücher von Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (Deutsch) ... JETZT bei Amazon (Taschenbuch oder E-Book) erhältlich
DEINE SEELE UND DU
Libros por Gabriella Kortsch (español) ... ahora en todo el mundo en Amazon en versión bolsillo y Kindle
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