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In the past I've spent some time commenting on the fact that if we look too much to the past: either to its pain or its perceived happiness and glory, we risk becoming caught in a loop that will not allow us to live fully in the present. By going through an experience that somehow resonates with something similar in the past, in particular if the past one was painful, the present one will tend to pull us fully back there and literally keep parts of us in the past, meaning that those parts of us are simply not available for us in the present.
However, despite that caveat, there is much to be said for examining our past, for being familiar with its crests and troughs, and in particular, with its patterns. However, in order to be able to recognize all of this, we need to thoroughly know our past, and in order to do that, it needs to have been examined. It needs thinking about, in other words.
One of the easiest ways I know of doing precisely that is by following this simple system - A Life Timeline Exercise:
Slowly, you will begin to form a picture of your past that goes far beyond just the painful or happy memories and this picture, just as surely as a puzzle coming together, will help you understand not only your past, but more importantly, what you can learn from it in order to make your future better. You will recognize connections between events in your life, for example:
Note: I've written about this exercise in the past, and talk about it frequently in workshops, groups, speeches, etc. I am always amazed at how few people actually go ahead and do it. While I understand that written exercises are often largely boring, in this instance I believe it can be exciting. One, because you start remembering many snippets from your past that you thought you had forgotten, and two, because in so doing, you can make real connections about your life and its meaning in ways that are often quite difficult to achieve.
However, despite that caveat, there is much to be said for examining our past, for being familiar with its crests and troughs, and in particular, with its patterns. However, in order to be able to recognize all of this, we need to thoroughly know our past, and in order to do that, it needs to have been examined. It needs thinking about, in other words.
One of the easiest ways I know of doing precisely that is by following this simple system - A Life Timeline Exercise:
- take one sheet of paper for each year of your life, including year '0', when you were born
- at the top of each sheet write the year and your age
- write - as most of us know this - your city of residence, and perhaps the actual street address where you lived
- write who lived in the household with you, including parents, siblings, grandparents or other relatives, household staff and any pets
- if you are old enough to be in kindergarten, write that, or else school, college, etc
- your jobs
- any birthdays you remember and why, ditto Christmases and vacations
- best friends
- your first set of roller skates or bike, musical instrument, etc.
- sports activities
- studies
- church
- clubs, etc.
Slowly, you will begin to form a picture of your past that goes far beyond just the painful or happy memories and this picture, just as surely as a puzzle coming together, will help you understand not only your past, but more importantly, what you can learn from it in order to make your future better. You will recognize connections between events in your life, for example:
- the fact that you are averse to getting the puppy your spouse wants, reminds you of a situation when you were a child, desperate to have a pet, and your parents refused to allow it. Recognizing the similarity in patterns, although in both cases you were on the opposite side of the spectrum, allows you to explore some of the emotions involved and see more clearly, perhaps what this tells you. Are you afraid of hurt or vulnerability? Are you reacting by rote, instead of thinking things through? There are many variations on a theme, and it will be up to you to recognize what applies to you.
- the hurt you feel today at being blown off at the last minute by a friend with whom you had planned to have lunch, reminds you of an occasion when you were a teen where you were also blown off. This leads you to recognize that people often treat you less well than you would like. This leads you to think about the fact that you find it very hard to speak up when something happens that is hurtful.
Note: I've written about this exercise in the past, and talk about it frequently in workshops, groups, speeches, etc. I am always amazed at how few people actually go ahead and do it. While I understand that written exercises are often largely boring, in this instance I believe it can be exciting. One, because you start remembering many snippets from your past that you thought you had forgotten, and two, because in so doing, you can make real connections about your life and its meaning in ways that are often quite difficult to achieve.
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Also visit my book website: www.gabriellakortsch.com where you may download excerpts or read quotations from any of my books (also in Spanish & German). My latest book Emotional Unavailability & Neediness: Two Sides of the Same Coin is available globally on Amazon in print & Kindle. You can also obtain it (or any of my other books) via Barnes & Noble.
Angefangen mit Rewiring the Soul - auf Deutsch: Deine Seele und Du, jetzt weltweit erhältlich als Taschenbuch oder Kindle E-Book (Blog hier), werden auch meine anderen Bücher in Zukunft auf Deutsch bei Amazon erhältlich sein.
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Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (English). Available globally in paperback or Kindle e-book versions
Bücher von Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (Deutsch) ... JETZT bei Amazon (Taschenbuch oder E-Book) erhältlich
DEINE SEELE UND DU
Libros por Gabriella Kortsch (español) ... ahora en todo el mundo en Amazon en versión bolsillo y Kindle
Note: If you are wondering why this blog is now only appearing on alternate days (excluding Sat/Sun), it is because I also post on my other blog on the others days. That other blog is The Tao of Spiritual Partnership, so named for another one of my books. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed.
My blog posts are also featured on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+, Pinterest & you can find me on Instagram
