Your Possible Selves

Just think about it: each decision you make takes you down a new possible avenue:

• when you were a child and loved speaking the language your grandparents spoke, which was not the language of the country in which you lived, you opened the door to that job as a translator at the UN in New York or Geneva 20 years later
• when you were a teen and you practiced the piano with perserverance and discipline instead of going out with your friends, you opened the door to becoming a concert pianist - or a fabulous music teacher
• likewise when you were a teen and you said no to cigarettes or drugs or alcohol, despite the derision of some of your peers, you opened the door to inner strength of character
• and when you started college and opted for semesters filled with a heavy credit load in order to finish more quickly because you wanted to get to medical school fast, you reinforced a habit of hard work that eventually led you to success
• when you chose not to have to be right in every argument, you opened the door to specific relationships as opposed to others
• when you chose to look more at the inner human being as opposed to the immediate attraction of the outer and more material qualities, you also opened the door to specific relationships as opposed to others

Examples abound, and as you will have understood, each of the above decisions led to one possible self evolving and not another. What happens when you have one or two glasses of wine at dinner or when you go out, instead of three or four or many more? What are the different possible outcomes? And what happens when you choose one kind of reading material or television viewing instead of another? What are the possible outcomes? (And not just for you, but for those who live with you; for example, your children). What happens when you choose to be patient instead of impatient, or accepting instead of judgemental?

So you can see that you are choosing possible selves ... possible outcomes every minute of every day. Do you choose to exercise? Do you choose healthy food? Do you choose 'healthy' friends? How about the thoughts you choose? And the feelings that derive thereof?

Is it clear to you that in so many ways you are responsible ... so very responsible ... for your possible outcomes? If your parents were alcoholics, or if you live in a totalitarian regime and are jailed for political reasons, or if someone crashes into your car and leaves you a quadriplegic, or if you are passed over for that promotion you wanted so very much (and you had done all that was possible in order to achieve it), or if you were not elected school valedictorian (and you had worked very hard all throughout your school years in order to achieve it), you are clearly not responsible for that ... but you are responsible for all the reactions and choices you make from that moment forward.

Are you choosing to be responsible for your possible selves and your possible outcomes today?

***************

Also visit my book website: www.gabriellakortsch.com where you may download excerpts or read quotations from any of my books. My latest book Emotional Unavailability & Neediness: Two Sides of the Same Coin is available globally on Amazon in print & Kindle. You can also obtain it (or any of my other books) via Barnes & Noble.

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (English). Available globally in paperback or Kindle e-book versions

Bücher von Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (Deutsch) ... JETZT bei Amazon (Taschenbuch oder E-Book) erhältlich 

DEINE SEELE UND DU

  

Angefangen mit Rewiring the Soul - auf Deutsch: Deine Seele und Du, jetzt weltweit erhältlich als Taschenbuch oder Kindle E-Book (Blog hier), werden auch meine anderen Bücher in Zukunft auf Deutsch bei Amazon erhältlich sein.

Libros por Gabriella Kortsch (español) ... próximamente en Amazon en versión bolsillo y E-Libro para Kindle

Empezando con Rewiring the Soul - en español: Reconectar con el Alma (blog aquí), se podrán encontrar mis libros en español por todo el mundo próximamente en Amazon.

Note: If you are wondering why this blog is now only appearing on alternate days (excluding Sat/Sun), it is because I also post on my other blog on the others days. That other blog is The Tao of Spiritual Partnership, so named for another one of my books. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed. 

My blog posts are also featured on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+, Pinterest & you can find me on Instagram 

Grow As You Listen

Listen to what? Lectures in a university hall? Presentations at a leadership seminar? Those are possibilities, but not what I'm referring to here today.

Grow as you listen to your own body.

You clearly know how to pay attention to it when it hurts, or is hungry, or feels cold. But what about paying attention to it:

• when someone yells at you? Which part of your body reacts to that?
• when someone crosses a boundary? Which part of your body reacts to that?
• when someone takes advantage of your weaker professional, social or financial position? Which part of your body reacts to that?
• when someone manipulates you and you are aware of it? Which part of your body reacts to that?
• when someone leeches the energy out of you? Which part of your body reacts to that?
• when someone lies to you and you know they are doing so? Which part of your body reacts to that?
• when someone does or says something that you know is not right, and you do nothing? Which part of your body reacts to that?
• when someone expects you to do something that is not part of the 'deal'? Which part of your body reacts to that?

All of these possibilities may lead to your body evidencing discomfort in the solar plexus, in the chest, the throat, or the heart, among others. These symptoms are messages from your body to you, just as a pain in your leg or head, or a fever, or a festering blister are also messages, albeit of another kind. So when you receive the messages that are not based on a physical problem, you need to heed them in the same way you would heed the other ones, and that means you need to do something.

If you begin by recognizing that you get messages of this kind, and then by paying attention to these messages, you are learning and growing just because you are becoming aware. When you then ... at some future point if you can't yet ... undertake some action (verbal or otherwise) with regards to that message, you will have grown even more.

***************

Also visit my book website: www.gabriellakortsch.com where you may download excerpts or read quotations from any of my books. My latest book Emotional Unavailability & Neediness: Two Sides of the Same Coin is available globally on Amazon in print & Kindle. You can also obtain it (or any of my other books) via Barnes & Noble.

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (English). Available globally in paperback or Kindle e-book versions

Bücher von Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (Deutsch) ... JETZT bei Amazon (Taschenbuch oder E-Book) erhältlich 

DEINE SEELE UND DU

  

Angefangen mit Rewiring the Soul - auf Deutsch: Deine Seele und Du, jetzt weltweit erhältlich als Taschenbuch oder Kindle E-Book (Blog hier), werden auch meine anderen Bücher in Zukunft auf Deutsch bei Amazon erhältlich sein.

Libros por Gabriella Kortsch (español) ... próximamente en Amazon en versión bolsillo y E-Libro para Kindle

Empezando con Rewiring the Soul - en español: Reconectar con el Alma (blog aquí), se podrán encontrar mis libros en español por todo el mundo próximamente en Amazon.

Note: If you are wondering why this blog is now only appearing on alternate days (excluding Sat/Sun), it is because I also post on my other blog on the others days. That other blog is The Tao of Spiritual Partnership, so named for another one of my books. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed. 

My blog posts are also featured on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+, Pinterest & you can find me on Instagram 

You Stretched, Your Partner Hasn't: Now What?

We don't all grow (emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually) with the same rhythm, or at the same time. Even when you were in pre-school and those early grades that followed, some of the other kids learned to form beautifully shaped letters on their paper, while you sweated with your pencil, and left dark streaks in your notebook from your damp hands, and yet you understood about three plus three equaling six long before they did.

So when you're at another stage in your life and the learning and growing and stretching has to do with very different things, it makes sense that the same principle applies. Perhaps you've become emotionally independent (meaning, among other things, not that you don't want other people in your life, but that you have learned to love yourself, to take good care of yourself, and hence you've arrived at a place of well-being inside of you that is OK, whether you are in a relationship or not, and when you are in one, your inner well-being does not increase or decrease depending on the moods of your partner, or depending on how much attention and time you are getting from your partner).

Perhaps you've taken on responsibility for yourself (which closely ties in with the previous point), where you know that whatever happens in your life, you choose to be responsible for how you feel about it, how you think about it, what you say, in a word: you choose to be in charge of all your reactions to your inner and outer circumstances.

So the above two examples take me to the core idea of this post. Assuming you've stretched yourself in one (or both) of the above directions (or perhaps also others along similar lines), because you wanted to. Or because you became aware of aspects of yourself that were holding you back personally, professionally, socially, academically, etc., and so you decided some changes were needed. Or perhaps you met someone who was already at the place you are at now, and you wanted to get there as well. So you read some books, attended some seminars or retreats, or you had some therapy (or coaching), and now you are at this new place in your life where you have stretched far beyond the place you were at before.

But your partner has not stretched. So now what?

This is a tricky situation which could be the beginning of a whole new level of partnership, where you relate to each other in ways you could not even have dreamed possible before - or - it could be the slow demise of your relationship.

Can you influence how it turns out? Yes and no. If your partner views the changes in you as positive, perhaps even wishes to emulate some (or all) of them, then things are looking quite good. But if your partner sees your stretching, your changing, your growth beyond your previous thresholds as threatening, and wants you to return to the status quo of whatever - however - you were when you met, then things are looking less good. Much of it will depend on the level of communication you can now maintain about all that has changed in you, and how much of it you are able to share in ways that come across, not as pretentious, or preaching, or wanting to change your partner, but as joy and amazement at the new world you now inhabit. Much will also depend on your compassion for the fact that your partner simply didn't get on that particular bandwagon at the same time as you did, and so may need some patience from you, some time to readjust, and perhaps then feel the desire to also stretch. Perhaps the best advice for a situation of this nature is for you to observe, make no judgements, wait, and practice kindness and compassion. You will know when continuing to wait is fruitless, but if your waiting brings about the desired results, then your reward will be enormous.

***************

Also visit my book website: www.gabriellakortsch.com where you may download excerpts or read quotations from any of my books. My latest book Emotional Unavailability & Neediness: Two Sides of the Same Coin is available globally on Amazon in print & Kindle. You can also obtain it (or any of my other books) via Barnes & Noble.

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (English)

Bücher von Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (Deutsch) ... JETZT bei Amazon (Taschenbuch oder E-Book) erhältlich 

DEINE SEELE UND DU

  

Angefangen mit Rewiring the Soul - auf Deutsch: Deine Seele und Du, jetzt weltweit erhältlich als Taschenbuch oder Kindle E-Book (Blog hier), werden auch meine anderen Bücher in Zukunft auf Deutsch bei Amazon erhältlich sein.

Libros por Gabriella Kortsch (español) ... próximamente en Amazon en versión bolsillo y E-Libro para Kindle

Empezando con Rewiring the Soul - en español: Reconectar con el Alma (blog aquí), se podrán encontrar mis libros en español por todo el mundo próximamente en Amazon.

Note: If you are wondering why this blog is now only appearing on alternate days (excluding Sat/Sun), it is because I also post on my other blog on the others days. That other blog is Rewiring the Soul so named for my first book. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed.

My blog posts are also featured on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+, Pinterest & you can find me on Instagram 

What is the Sound of Your Voice Telling You?

When your mother soothed you with her soft murmurs after you skinned your knee, or were in bed with a temperature, or when your coach encouraged you with his cheers as you were nearing the finish line in the inter-collegiate competitions, or when your college professor sarcastically berated you for not having completed your history essay on time, or when your partner screamed at you irately for flirting with that riveting lawyer at the cocktail party last night, they all used their voice in very specific ways. Due to those sounds, you reacted in ways that were consonant in some fashion, with those sounds. You were soothed, you were encouraged, your felt guilty, etc.

Exactly the same thing happens with your own voice. Take a look at these examples:

• a friend greets you and asks how you are. Your answer is not necessarily negative, but your tone of voice is low, not hopeful 
• you are having a telephone conversation with your brother about your job. Your tone of voice is not strong, because you feel that you might be downsized
• you are voicing a concern about your health to a colleague. Your tone of voice is worried
• you are recounting a near accident you had due to the carelessness of another driver. Your tone of voice is enraged
• you are speaking to your partner about a perceived slight. You are inscensed and your voice shows it
• you are discussing your finances with your spouse. They are not good. Your tone of voice is filled with desperation

In all instances, just as in the ones cited in the first paragraph of today's blog, you are influenced by the tone of voice, but in this case it is your own voice, as opposed to the voice of another person. Your very cells are influenced by the sound of your voice (if you doubt this, think of how your adrenaline shoots up if someone shouts in your ear unexpectedly ... your cells have reacted to the sound). Your body, your psyche, and your spirit are all influenced by the sound of your own voice. Therefore it is very important that you start listening - really listening - to the way you are speaking. It is not only the words that you use that influence you, but also the tone of your voice. I'm not advocating that you pretend to yourself with your own words and the sound of your own voice anything that is not true, but I am advocating that you take great conscious care in how you speak and what you say. Your own influence on yourself in this regard, is perhaps underrated (assuming people are aware of it at all) and therefore the goal of this post is to encourage you to begin to pay attention. You have such enormous influence over yourself, in so many ways, if only you will begin to observe it.

***************

Also visit my book website: www.gabriellakortsch.com where you may download excerpts or read quotations from any of my books. My latest book Emotional Unavailability & Neediness: Two Sides of the Same Coin is available globally on Amazon in print & Kindle. You can also obtain it (or any of my other books) via Barnes & Noble.

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (English). Available globally in paperback or Kindle e-book versions

Bücher von Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (Deutsch) ... JETZT bei Amazon (Taschenbuch oder E-Book) erhältlich 

DEINE SEELE UND DU

  

Angefangen mit Rewiring the Soul - auf Deutsch: Deine Seele und Du, jetzt weltweit erhältlich als Taschenbuch oder Kindle E-Book (Blog hier), werden auch meine anderen Bücher in Zukunft auf Deutsch bei Amazon erhältlich sein.

Libros por Gabriella Kortsch (español) ... próximamente en Amazon en versión bolsillo y E-Libro para Kindle

Empezando con Rewiring the Soul - en español: Reconectar con el Alma (blog aquí), se podrán encontrar mis libros en español por todo el mundo próximamente en Amazon.

Note: If you are wondering why this blog is now only appearing on alternate days (excluding Sat/Sun), it is because I also post on my other blog on the others days. That other blog is The Tao of Spiritual Partnership, so named for another one of my books. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed. 

My blog posts are also featured on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+, Pinterest & you can find me on Instagram 

Finding Your Way Through Pain

Pain can’t be avoided. Sooner or later it catches up with all of us, in many different disguises. Nor can you compare your pain to mine, or vice versa because what may cause you great pain, may be easier for me to bear, and what may cause me great pain, may be easier for you to bear. Pain is simply pain.

Pain is also not something that can be blithely pushed aside, ignored, or something from which you can fully distract yourself. You have to go through it – live the process, so to speak – and while Elisabeth Kübler-Ross wrote so movingly of the stages of grief, I don’t believe there are also specific stages of pain, but I do believe there are ways you can help yourself as you move through its peaks and valleys, as you feel it overwhelm you, drag you under, nauseate you, paralyze you, and those ways of moving through pain are what I want to share with you in this article.

None of these ways will take your pain away, but if you practice them, one by one, bit by bit, perhaps at first only one or two, and then later more, you will find that your pain becomes more bearable, more manageable, and one day, when it has been left behind you in the shadows, and a new pain assails you, you will realize that all these ways that you learned about, now help you much more readily in your new pain, even if it is a pain of greater magnitude.

I recommend that you read through the following nine points and then decide which resonate the most with your current state. If you are not undergoing a period of pain right now, you could still begin to practice these because they will enhance your life in ways you cannot even begin to imagine before you incorporate them into your life. If you are living through much pain right now, simply choose one or two that speak to you and begin with those. Add others as you notice that the ones you chose first are being woven into an integral part of the tapestry of your life. Notice how this practice affects your pain.

1.       Remain conscious & aware: be present and mindful 

• This is important because the more you remain present, the less you will be willing to allow yourself to ruminate (thoughts that repeat incessantly in your mind) inside the pain. The pain is much more in the thoughts and feelings you have that keep it alive, than in the actual pain.
• Here’s how to do it:
• Start with small steps.
• Take a 15-minute mindfulness walk every day (read this).
• During the course of your day, when a surge of pain races over you, choose to say to yourself, that although you don’t yet know when you will be over this pain, and although you acknowledge that it is very hard to bear, just for now, instead of further focusing on the pain, you will focus on that brilliant flash of colour in the bougainvillea, or the beauty of the evening sky, or the sound of birdsong, or the soughing of wind through the trees. This will help shift your energy minutely, but perceptibly, if you watch for it. You can repeat this as often as you wish, and most particularly, as often is necessary. Think of it as putting a soothing balm on a wound. You’re not pretending the wound doesn’t exist – you’re simply taking good care of it. 

2.       Recognize that you always have a choice 

• o   This is important because if you know that you can choose – as illustrated above – to focus on something different than your pain, not by pretending it’s not there, but just for this moment, you choose to see beauty instead of pain.
• Here’s how to do it:
• By remaining present, when something happens or is said, or when you have specific thoughts that arouse certain feelings, begin to have a new narrative. In other words, begin to change the inner dialogue about exactly what is possible here. And what is possible, is that you have a number of choices in how you react, think, and feel. At the beginning simply comprehending this is a bit like learning a new language, but if you continually remind yourself of it, you will soon see that there are alternatives to your old ways of dealing with matters. 

3.       Take good care of your thoughts & inner state: This implies that you always are aware of your thoughts & feelings and make the choice to regulate your inner state as you observe your thoughts & feelings 

• This is important because you may be on a path to rumination - circular or obsessive thoughts about something - causing feelings you have no insight into, nor power over, unless you do use awareness at all times.
• Here’s how to do it:
• Practice this by changing the self-dialogue you typically have whenever you fall into habitual patterns
• Simply tell yourself that although you don't yet know the outcome (to a problem), or although you don't yet know how you will overcome the pain (of a situation), or how you will resolve something you imagine might happen, that just for NOW, you will focus on something else
• If you let that something else be beauty in nature, you may notice a slight inner shift.
• It may not last for long, but you can repeat as needed. After a time, it will begin to happen on its own. You will realize that you are spending much more time in a good inner space as compared to before.
• This is a choice. 

4.       Forgive: leave the past behind 

• This is important because if you don’t forgive, you will always be energetically connected to whatever it was that happened. Being energetically connected, means it will always have power over you. Simply stated: you will never be free.
• Here’s how to do it:
• Be as aware of yourself as possible simply by practicing it every day. As thoughts arise about what happened, or a specific person who did something that you find yourself unable to forgive, tell yourself in that inner self-dialogue that you’ve arrived at this very same place many times before. Next, you typically have continued down a path of pain, repeating mentally what happened, or thinking about the perpetrator of your pain.
• Now, however, in this change in inner self-dialogue, you take two steps.
• The first is just as in point number three above.
• The second – with regards to forgiving – is to tell yourself that although you don’t yet know how you can forgive, you do know that you can intend to forgive. And then you focus, as in point three, on something of beauty in nature.
• Repeat this each time these thoughts of the painful event/person arise. This will cause a new neural pathway to come into being that will, eventually, lead you to forgiveness and inner freedom. 

5.       Love the self: all of the above points already imply that you do love the self 

• This is important because as the love you have for yourself begins to grow, you will automatically feel better and better, and in those instances when you do not, that same love will help you find a better inner space of balance and harmony.
• Here’s how to do it:
• Start by noticing how you feel (or what you are thinking) as you wake up. If you’re not in a good place, take care of it, just as you would take care of a headache or a cut on your finger from chopping vegetables.
• How you now take care of your inner state can start very simply: practice the two small steps in point one. Then, incorporate, whenever possible, into your day, several 10-15 minute periods (or less - even a few minutes when you’re alone in the car will suffice, if it is repeated often enough) of some listening time to inspirational or motivational talks and seminars that are freely available online. What this does is to raise your energetic frequency – how you feel – in other words.
• Some examples of places to look for such talks: www.ted.com, and if you like any of the speakers, you could see if they have other talks available on Youtube, where you can find literally thousands of talks by world-renowned speakers. Start with Wayne Dyer, Eckhart Tolle, Deepak Chopra, Caroline Myss, Jon Kabat-Zinn, Norman Doidge, to mention only a few). If a given talk lasts more than the space of time you have available, simply carry on listening at the point where you left off the next time you have a few minutes. Notice how this raises your energy. Reading books by people like these, or others that speak to you on some level, or books about the lives of people you have come to admire, will also raise your energy.
• Eventually you will be able to raise your own energy, but for now, use these wonderfully effective tools: mindfulness, focusing on beauty, listening to others who raise your energy. 

6.       Take responsibility for all you feel, think, say and do & for how you react 

• This is important because it means you are in charge. You don’t have blind reactions. Your buttons don’t get pushed. You are in charge of how you feel, think, say, and react, and you are in charge of all that you do, so you have choices, not only about your reactions, but also about how you wind up feeling about it all.
• Here’s how to do it:
• Be conscious and aware of yourself and your surrounding at all times.
• Use the tools described in all prior points of this article. 

7.       Know that your happiness is your own responsibility: it need not depend on outer circumstances 

• This is important because, simply stated, it gives you freedom. As long as you depend on another or on outer circumstances to be happy, you will never be free. In other words, your happiness will always be conditional.
• Here’s how to do it:
• Above all, be conscious and aware of yourself
• Note when you are not happy. Note the inner self-dialogue you maintain about what you need to be happy
• Use all the points in this article to begin to change that and to take on responsibility for your own happiness and inner well-being. 

8.       Have meaning in your life 

• This is important because living a life with meaning gives you a sense of purpose. Living a life with meaning is – as I say in my book Rewiring the Soul – like having an oak tree inside of you. When pain assails you, that oak tree will be one of your strongest columns of support.
• Here’s how to do it:
• Pay close attention to your gut reaction to all things in your life. When you notice butterflies, or that electrical zing that we often associate with meeting someone we are very attracted to, when you are having a conversation, listening or viewing a documentary about some subject, you owe it to yourself to explore that subject more closely. That zing of excitement is telling you that there is something in it that connects with you on levels that go far beyond pure interest. Perhaps it is there that your meaning lies.
• Pay attention to the things that cause you to lose the notion of time: i.e., when you are engaged in doing them, you are so ‘into’ them, that you simply don’t notice the hours passing by.
• Move in the direction of that which gives you joy. Rumi said When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. 

9.       Be as interested in developing your inner life & self, as you are in developing your outer life & self 

• This is important because it gives balance to your life. Only focusing on the outer quest is not enough. It will leave you feeling empty. Only focusing on the inner life is also not enough, bearing in mind that we are born into a world of external reality. It is the healthy balance between the two that brings you closer to inner peace and well-being.
• Here’s how to do it:
• Follow all the points mentioned in this article.

A child falls and scrapes its knee. The fright and pain cause him to cry. Mother comes running, hugs him, kisses the knee, and finds a cookie (and/or antiseptic cream and a band-aid). Miraculously the crying and fright stop. Part of the reason has to do with mother's safe and enveloping arms. Part of it is the distraction of the coveted cookie. And part of it is (although with a small child there is generally nothing 'conscious' about this) a choice that is made to pay more attention to the good thing (mother's arms, hug, kiss, cookie), than to the bad thing (falling and scraping the knee).

Let this small and simple analogy serve to help you make good choices when you are suffering. You may not have anyone around to comfort you (think Nelson Mandela on Robben Island for 27 years), you may not be getting a cookie (think Victor Frankl in Auschwitz during the Holocaust), but you always have a choice about how you think about what is happening to you. And therein lies freedom. It was actually Frankl who realized during his own suffering and famously stated: Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of human freedoms - to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way. 

 And the Buddha said: Pain is inevitable but suffering is optional.

***************

Also visit my book website: www.gabriellakortsch.com where you may download excerpts or read quotations from any of my books. My latest book Emotional Unavailability & Neediness: Two Sides of the Same Coin is available globally on Amazon in print & Kindle. You can also obtain it (or any of my other books) via Barnes & Noble.

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (English). Available globally in paperback or Kindle e-book versions

Bücher von Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (Deutsch) ... JETZT bei Amazon (Taschenbuch oder E-Book) erhältlich 

DEINE SEELE UND DU

  

Angefangen mit Rewiring the Soul - auf Deutsch: Deine Seele und Du, jetzt weltweit erhältlich als Taschenbuch oder Kindle E-Book (Blog hier), werden auch meine anderen Bücher in Zukunft auf Deutsch bei Amazon erhältlich sein.

Libros por Gabriella Kortsch (español) ... próximamente en Amazon en versión bolsillo y E-Libro para Kindle

Empezando con Rewiring the Soul - en español: Reconectar con el Alma (blog aquí), se podrán encontrar mis libros en español por todo el mundo próximamente en Amazon.

Note: If you are wondering why this blog is now only appearing on alternate days (excluding Sat/Sun), it is because I also post on my other blog on the others days. That other blog is The Tao of Spiritual Partnership, so named for another one of my books. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed. 

My blog posts are also featured on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+, Pinterest & you can find me on Instagram 

The Authenticity of Being You

Most of us have heard someone refer to the company they work for, saying how excited they are to be working on the team, or to be a part of the company in question, and while I don't doubt that many of these statements are true, I also don't doubt that many are not. It's part of our culture to speak that way, and therefore many people say the right words in order to fit in.

We do similar things when we hold opinions (political, religious, or simply whether a movie or book was good or not), in order to fit in, all the while knowing that we have a different opinion.

Whether your fitting in has to do with your profession, your social set, your clique at your high school, or the ladies you lunch with, whether this fitting in has to do with the people you are on a cruise with, or at a cocktail party with, or whether it has to do with what you say when you participate in mass or a satsang, the important thing is how you feel as you do this fitting in.

How you feel can be determined in first instance by your gut, that second brain I referred to in an article originally published in 2004 and republished here in 2011: Introducing Our Second and Third Brains: We Do Think With Our Heart and Instinct, because your gut will let you know something is amiss (i.e., you are not being authentic to yourself) by some discomfort or twinging, and you may, in second instance, feel a similar twinging or discomfort in your heart, that third brain, or even in your psyche or soul if you are already attuned to it.

It's important to pay attention to those gut and/or intuitive messages - if being authentic or growing to be authentic is important to you - because if you don't change what you say at one point in your day when you feel said twinges, you will merely strengthen the inauthentic parts of you. This is not to encourage you to speak poorly of your firm (should the 'excitement' referred to in the first paragraph not be genuine), but to reflect on what it does to you to not be authentic. You might say it's like having a tiny bit of arsenic each day, and that, of course, will eventually do you in.

Authenticity is best practiced first in your personal life - although that can also be very difficult. Do you have that need to say or do what others say or do in order to feel accepted? Examine yourself and your life very carefully in this regard, because the less authentic you feel, as indicated above, the more the inner quality of your life can deteriorate.

This is a subject I've written about before, because it continues to be so important. Many people have lost touch with their own authenticity because they are so busy trying to fit in that they no longer listen to that inner voice. Trying to fit in is not a bad thing - it's simply something many of us get roped into without realizing it, beginning in our school systems (global), where it is so very painful to feel that you don't belong. The price we pay for belonging tends to be much higher than the brief benefit we get from feeling accepted. This, as so much else, has much to do with how well we love, accept, honor, and approve of ourselves.

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Also visit my book website: www.gabriellakortsch.com where you may download excerpts or read quotations from any of my books. My latest book Emotional Unavailability & Neediness: Two Sides of the Same Coin is available globally on Amazon in print & Kindle. You can also obtain it (or any of my other books) via Barnes & Noble.

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (English). Available globally in paperback or Kindle e-book versions

Bücher von Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (Deutsch) ... JETZT bei Amazon (Taschenbuch oder E-Book) erhältlich 

DEINE SEELE UND DU

  

Angefangen mit Rewiring the Soul - auf Deutsch: Deine Seele und Du, jetzt weltweit erhältlich als Taschenbuch oder Kindle E-Book (Blog hier), werden auch meine anderen Bücher in Zukunft auf Deutsch bei Amazon erhältlich sein.

Libros por Gabriella Kortsch (español) ... próximamente en Amazon en versión bolsillo y E-Libro para Kindle

Empezando con Rewiring the Soul - en español: Reconectar con el Alma (blog aquí), se podrán encontrar mis libros en español por todo el mundo próximamente en Amazon.

Note: If you are wondering why this blog is now only appearing on alternate days (excluding Sat/Sun), it is because I also post on my other blog on the others days. That other blog is The Tao of Spiritual Partnership, so named for another one of my books. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed. 

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