Are You Doing It For Them or For You?

When you go to the gym to get fit and toned, or when you jog along the trail, or when you buy that high-end table for your house, or when you wear those 3-inch heels or those aviator glasses, or when you go to mass or attend the satsang, or when you go to the talk on Hemingway, or the financial crisis, or hunger in the third world, or when you volunteer for that local charity, are you doing it for them or for you? Are you doing it to be seen doing it and to fit in and be accepted or even admired, or are you doing it because it truly gives you pleasure, interests you, or concerns you, or because you want to lend a hand in whatever way you can?

Now before you shut me down for presuming to believe that you're doing it for any of the reasons other than those in the last part of the sentence, I'd like to point out (and of course I include myself) that most of us do many of the things we do for reasons that have less to do with us than with the 'out there'. Not so much from the point of view of doing it for the benefit of others' well-being, but so that we are seen to be informed, or fit, or fashion-conscious, or any other reason you care to think of. I remember years ago reading certain books that actually did not interest me - specifically some weighty tomes by Jean Paul Sartre - simply because some of the people I spent time with, considered anyone who had not read them, lacking in some way. Therefore, my behavior was molded by that thinking by someone external to myself. (If you are required to read books in achieving an academic goal, or to work on projects as part of your profession, that you may not fully be interested in, then that is a very different case, since you're working towards an internal goal).

So if you do things for reasons that have less to do with you than with the 'out there', I'd like to encourage you to examine this - not for ethical or moral reasons - but because if you become more aware of why you do things, you can make better choices, that will give your life much greater freedom.

If I'm constrained in my choices by what others think I should do, I may not make that incredible trip to the Galapagos, simply because it's trendier to visit the Seychelles. Or I may not go to the astronomy class I'm so keen on, simply because all my friends are taking guitar lessons. Or I may not take those cooking courses because others expect me to go into medicine.

Please understand that this is not a diatribe about how superficial we are. Nor is it an invective against what others think you should do. It is simply an encouragement to be self-reflective enough in order to examine what you really want to do, and to carefully dissect your reasons for doing the things that you do. That's it. Get to know yourself better in order to live a life of greater quality - as measured by your own standards.

Image: New Georgia Island, Solomon Islands thanks to dxing.at-communication.com/ 

Also visit my book website: www.gabriellakortsch.com where you may download excerpts or read quotations from any of my books.

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch:

 
Rewiring the Soul

Click here to download the first chapter.

To see the Table of Contents click here

Reviews From the Back Cover:

"The masterwork of a profoundly gifted healer of the soul. Dazzling, challenging, wondrously useful." Peggy Rubin, Director, Center for Sacred Theatre, Ashland, Oregon; author: To Be and How To Be, Transforming Your Life Through Sacred Theatre

"Rewiring the Soul is one the best introductions to the spiritual life I've ever read. Not esoteric but real-world & practical. The implications are profound." Peter Shepherd; Founder Trans4mind.com; author: Daring To Be Yourself 

"The human being's directory to the soul. A breakthrough for those seeking practical assistance, those of a more mystical bent & every soul awaiting discovery." Toni Petrinovich, Ph.D.; author: The Call: Awakening the Angelic Human

The Tao of Spiritual Partnership

To download the first chapter, click here
To see the Table of Contents click here

Praise for The Tao of Spiritual Partnership

“All humans seek the illusive touch of another's Soul, which opens us to the sense of belonging to something bigger than the self. Dr. Kortsch has given us the true "tao" of relationship in this brilliant exploration of emotional tapestry. We will be grateful for this illumination of spiritual partnership for generations to come."
Chris Griscom: Spiritual Leader, Author (among others) of: Ecstasy is a New Frequency

“Eloquent and comprehensive, showing how your primary love relationship may be a sacred vessel that transports you and your partner to a place of mutual healing and expansion.” 
Robert Schwartz: Author of Your Soul’s Gift: The Healing Power of the Life You Planned Before You Were Born 


The Power of Your Heart: Loving the Self 

My new book: The Power of Your Heart: Loving the Self, is just out. Click here to download an excerpt. 

From the Introduction: It is your right to live a life of love. It is your right to understand that loving yourself first is not a selfish way of behavior, but one that allows you to live that life of love. However, it's highly probable that you never got the instruction manual explaining exactly how to accomplish this. Possibly your family - and it may have been a loving family - considered loving the self an act of selfishness. Or perhaps the members of your family simply didn't practice loving the self, and of course, what you didn't see - what was not shown to you - while you were growing up, meant that you just didn't learn how to apply it to yourself. The closer you are able to move towards loving yourself, the closer you will be to living a life of love - quite independently of whether you are in a love relationship or not. A life of love can be lived with or without a partnership, because a life of love implies that you know that it all begins with you by loving the self. The more clearly you understand how to love yourself, the more clearly you will see that it is very hard - if not impossible - to love others in ways that are unrelated to fulfilling any of your needs. Loving yourself first is - for so many of us - one of the hardest things we will ever learn how to do. But know this: the benefits affect you in every particle of your being - body, mind, and soul - and are greater than you will ever be able to imagine.

Note: If you are wondering why this blog is now only appearing on alternate days (excluding Sat/Sun), it is because I also post on my other blog on the others days. That other blog is The Tao of Spiritual Partnership, so named for another one of my books. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed.