"A revelation of insight into the foundations of human suffering & transcendence. It not only lays out essential steps for inner freedom and joy but illuminates the way to true human potential." Paul Rademacher, author: A Spiritual Hitchhiker's Guide to the Universe

"The masterwork of a profoundly gifted healer of the soul. Dazzling, challenging, wondrously useful." Peggy Rubin, author: To Be and How To Be, Transforming Your Life Through Sacred Theatre

"Rewiring the Soul is one the best introductions to the spiritual life I've ever read. Not esoteric but real-world and practical. The implications are profound." Peter Shepherd, author: Daring To Be Yourself

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Five Questions To Ask Yourself About Healthy Boundaries

The beauty of healthy boundaries is that they help create beauty in your life. Why? They keep out much of that which is not beautiful. They help demarcate your life, not in a stifling way, but in a way that allows you to breathe more easily. Many situations in life do not allow you to set up boundaries because in those situations you are somehow coerced by a political, racial, or perhaps religious situation, and often those situations require your adherence to rules that restrict your healthy boundaries. If you live in a totalitarian state, clearly to demarcate healthy boundaries might be detrimental to your life. In racial or religious situations, demarcating boundaries might imply that you will be ousted or shunned.

But in slightly more normal circumstances, healthy boundaries help you determine where to draw the line with regards to other people's behavior, their treatment of you, and what you will allow in your life. Such boundaries are not about being contentious, argumentative, defensive or rude. Boundaries almost always involve some kind of consequence if they are not adhered to, but it is you who must decide what the consequences are and whether you are capable of sticking to them.

Healthy boundaries can be applied to partners, children, parents, siblings, other family, friends, colleagues, neighbors, etc. A lack of healthy boundaries almost always signals a lack of self-love.

Ask these questions of yourself to determine where you stand with respect to healthy boundaries:
  1. do you allow another to treat you in ways you find less than kind and living and tell yourself that it's OK because underneath that behavior they actually love you? Or because since you are so loving, there is no need to become contentious about the matter?
  2. do you tell yourself that not making waves, and keeping the peace is more important than standing up for your rights?
  3. do you notice frequent twisting and pulling in your gut when others stand you up, treat you less than lovingly, or are unkind, but pay no attention to that very physical sensation in your gut?
  4. do you tell yourself that it is more important not to lose friends than to tell them (and hence risk their disapprobation or anger) that they are behaving in unacceptable ways?
  5. do you believe that it is more important to love the other than yourself?
A lack of self-love, as stated above, is almost always correlated with poor boundaries. Many believe that self-love is selfish. I've written an entire book The Power of Your Heart: Loving the Self (to be released late October 2013) about self-love due to the many misconceptions about what constitutes healthy love (and hence healthy boundaries).

One final point: how would you allow another to treat your beloved child? I imagine you have it quite clear in your mind what you would and would not tolerate with regards to that beloved child. That is how you need to begin treating yourself.

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch:

Rewiring the Soul

Click here to download the first chapter.
To see the Table of Contents click here

Reviews From the Back Cover:

"The masterwork of a profoundly gifted healer of the soul. Dazzling, challenging, wondrously useful." Peggy Rubin, Director, Center for Sacred Theatre, Ashland, Oregon; author: To Be and How To Be, Transforming Your Life Through Sacred Theatre

"Rewiring the Soul is one the best introductions to the spiritual life I've ever read. Not esoteric but real-world & practical. The implications are profound." Peter Shepherd; Founder Trans4mind.com; author: Daring To Be Yourself 

"The human being's directory to the soul. A breakthrough for those seeking practical assistance, those of a more mystical bent & every soul awaiting discovery." Toni Petrinovich, Ph.D.; author: The Call: Awakening the Angelic Human

The Tao of Spiritual Partnership

To download the first chapter, click here
To see the Table of Contents click here

Praise for The Tao of Spiritual Partnership

“All humans seek the illusive touch of another's Soul, which opens us to the sense of belonging to something bigger than the self. Dr. Kortsch has given us the true "tao" of relationship in this brilliant exploration of emotional tapestry. We will be grateful for this illumination of spiritual partnership for generations to come."
Chris Griscom: Spiritual Leader, Author

“Eloquently and comprehensive, showing how your primary love relationship may be a sacred vessel that transports you and your partner to a place of mutual healing and expansion.” 

Robert Schwartz: Author of Your Soul’s Gift: The Healing Power of the Life You Planned Before You Were Born 

The Power of Your Heart: Loving the Self (coming October 2013)

My new book: The Power of Your Heart: Loving the Self, is due out later this year. Here is a brief excerpt from the Introduction:

It is your right to live a life of love. It is your right to understand that loving yourself first is not a selfish way of behavior, but one that allows you to live that life of love. However, it's highly probable that you never got the instruction manual explaining exactly how to accomplish this. Possibly your family - and it may have been a loving family - considered loving the self an act of selfishness. Or perhaps the members of your family simply didn't practice loving the self, and of course, what you didn't see - what was not shown to you - while you were growing up, meant that you just didn't learn how to apply it to yourself. The closer you are able to move towards loving yourself, the closer you will be to living a life of love - quite independently of whether you are in a love relationship or not. A life of love can be lived with or without a partnership, because a life of love implies that you know that it all begins with you by loving the self. The more clearly you understand how to love yourself, the more clearly you will see that it is very hard - if not impossible - to love others in ways that are unrelated to fulfilling any of your needs. Loving yourself first is - for so many of us - one of the hardest things we will ever learn how to do. But know this: the benefits affect you in every particle of your being - body, mind, and soul - and are greater than you will ever be able to imagine.

Note: If you are wondering why this blog is now only appearing on alternate days (excluding Sat/Sun), it is because I also post on my other blog on the others days. That other blog is The Tao of Spiritual Partnership, so named for my new book. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed.

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