"A revelation of insight into the foundations of human suffering & transcendence. It not only lays out essential steps for inner freedom and joy but illuminates the way to true human potential." Paul Rademacher, author: A Spiritual Hitchhiker's Guide to the Universe

"The masterwork of a profoundly gifted healer of the soul. Dazzling, challenging, wondrously useful." Peggy Rubin, author: To Be and How To Be, Transforming Your Life Through Sacred Theatre

"Rewiring the Soul is one the best introductions to the spiritual life I've ever read. Not esoteric but real-world and practical. The implications are profound." Peter Shepherd, author: Daring To Be Yourself

Monday, September 5, 2011

The Soul of Communication

Communicating with the people who are important in your life is something most of us do without thinking. We talk about our day at work, our colleagues, our activities, how long we had to wait in line at the supermarket, about the fact that it's time to re-negotiate the mortgage with the bank, the kids need new school uniforms, which movie shall we go see on the weekend, where shall we take our vacation, can we afford a vacation, June invited us to a party at her house on Saturday, my exercise class got canceled, I'm reading a super book by Gabriella Kortsch, etc. etc.

All of that is indeed communication, but there is very little soul in it. Well wait, you say, we also talked about my mother who needs in-home care due to her Alzheimers, and we discussed the fact that Sinead, our middle daughter Ashley's best friend was caught taking drugs, and we're worried about Ashley running in the wrong crowd, and we discussed the fact that I'm rather concerned about getting downsized at work.

Agreed, that is also communication, but I still contend that there is very little soul in it. All these matters are important, and clearly need to be discussed in a partnership or marriage, but most of them are, you might say, practical matters.

So what do I mean about the soul of communication? Perhaps we discuss how I feel about mother needing in-home care. It's brought up memories of guilt I thought I had long buried about not being a good daughter, and now the fact that a stranger might be taking care of her, has made them resurface with a vengeance. Perhaps we discuss our worries about our daughter in the light of how we lived ourselves as teens and young adults, partaking freely in recreational drugs, even though we stopped it long ago, and are now realizing the fears our parents must have had about us, and perhaps in this conversation we realize we need to have an open talk with our daughter about the topic, and we begin to discuss how best to go about it, and how we want to deal with her from now on, perhaps in a more open way, where we are prepared for her to see that we made mistakes of the kind we fear she is now making, and where we risk that she may view us with new eyes on receiving this information from us. Perhaps we discuss my feelings of impotence and fear about being downsized, and perhaps that takes us to a conversation about my dreams, my aspirations, that I had never shared with you before, that have to do with making a living doing something totally unrelated to what I've been doing up to now. Perhaps in this conversation I realize that you are willing to take that risk with me, for me to re-engineer my career because you care so much about me dedicating my life to something that means a lot to me.

What has been so different about these conversations from the earlier examples in the post? In part it has to do with our mutual opening up to our feelings, feelings that might leave us more exposed and vulnerable to our partner, but in part it has to do with the fact that precisely those feelings create a greater soul connection between us as we talk. And it is this soul connection that gives us a firm foundation upon which to base our relationship when the going gets rough (as it does in most partnerships), without which we might not get over the hurdles.

Communicating with soul can be cast aside, waylaid, or forgotten about so easily, as we get caught up with the practical dimension of our lives, and further, by not practising it, we are not particularly good at it. So making the effort to speak with soul, to find the soul in our communication, we are creating a depth of relationship and understanding that is not possible to achieve the other way. Oh, and there is an added benefit: when soul is strong in relationship, sex tends to get better and better, as opposed to getting boring and so frequently eventually becoming non-existent.

For more information about relationships and the soul, and about creating inner depth, get my book Rewiring the Soul: Finding the Possible Self, available from Amazon as a paperback and e-book for Kindle. To read the first chapter, click here.

From a Reader's review on Amazon:

I was enthralled by Chapter 6, Boundaries, Path to Empowerment. How refreshing to be reminded that it is in my body where my innate wisdom resides and how to listen to it; above all, what to do about it.

Gabriella Kortsch provides us with a literary, in-depth masterpiece to the human psyche, behavior and ultimate transformation.

I love the content. This book is exquisitely written and beautifully executed.

Alejandra Rodríguez "Ali", Ormond Beach, Florida

Photo: Monument Valley, Arizona

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