"A revelation of insight into the foundations of human suffering & transcendence. It not only lays out essential steps for inner freedom and joy but illuminates the way to true human potential." Paul Rademacher, author: A Spiritual Hitchhiker's Guide to the Universe

"The masterwork of a profoundly gifted healer of the soul. Dazzling, challenging, wondrously useful." Peggy Rubin, author: To Be and How To Be, Transforming Your Life Through Sacred Theatre

"Rewiring the Soul is one the best introductions to the spiritual life I've ever read. Not esoteric but real-world and practical. The implications are profound." Peter Shepherd, author: Daring To Be Yourself

Saturday, August 27, 2011

Sexual Energy: Fail to Understand it at Your Peril

How good is your sex life? How often do you have sex? Have you stopped having regular sex because you’ve been married 10 years and your partner is no longer so stimulating? Or have you stopped because he’s in andropause or because she’s in menopause and because you never were that crazy about it to begin with? Or maybe you stopped having it with your last partner, but then you found someone new where the passion came alive again…and now the pattern is repeating, and it’s stopped being exciting once more.

What does all this mean? And more importantly, what can you do about it?

Sex and Pleasure

The energy that is inherent in sex makes it a much more important aspect of our lives than mere pleasure, although pleasure is obviously a massively contributing part of it. Twenty-first century socialization is such that we are primed from early adolescence on to expect fireworks from sex. We believe sex will be one of the most vital and essential experiences of our life – as indeed it can be.

Mass Media and Socialization

However, due in part to this socialization via mass media (movies, television commercials, and glossy magazine ads, to name only a few), we come to expect something of our sexual lives that simultaneously increases its importance on levels that are perhaps inappropriate, and decreases its importance in other, much more relevant areas. This ultimately creates a general population that is frequently dissatisfied with its sex life – but for all the wrong reasons, and without knowing what the solution could be.

What is Sexual Energy?

What is sexual energy? Sexual energy is not only the passion that you feel (hopefully) as you engage in sex, but on other, much more transcendent levels, the doors that open energetically between you and your sexual partner during sex. This energetic exchange remains available for both individuals for a period of time after sex. Have you ever slept in the same bed as your partner and been drained the next day? Conversely, have you ever slept in the same bed as your partner and been refreshed the next day? If you are at all sensitive to the flow that can be established between two people after sex, you will have already connected the dots and realized that the way you feel the next morning does not only depend on expressed or unexpressed ardour, or the relative comfort of the mattress and the pillow, but much more importantly, on the energetic exchange between the two of you.

Speaking Openly

So how can this sexual energy be harnessed? If you have been following my posts here on this blog and articles in my monthly newsletter regularly, you will have read the November 2005 article about Transparency in Relationships and hence will have recognized the importance of speaking clearly. This applies to sex as well. If you do not speak about it with your partner, you have little chance for the real energy inherent in it to come out. It may be wildly passionate for a time, but the energy you can access with it may not be available to you.

Conscious Growth and Responsibility

But speaking about sex with your partner is not what it is all about. You must make the conscious decision to want to grow together with your partner. This mutual endeavour, via the connection you have through the relationship you share makes the difference between a relationship that may ultimately fail, or lose its fervour, and a relationship that not only has a chance at long-term survival, but also one that – because of the energetic connection inherent in sex – does not eventually flounder and die a slow death of sexual strangulation. The essence of conscious growth in a relationship depends on the couple’s desire to grow together psychologically, emotionally, and spiritually. This implies conscious awareness of the self, conscious awareness of all one’s feelings, thoughts, actions, and reactions (see Controlling Our Lives and the People in Them), and acceptance of the fact that each of us is responsible for all of these facets of ourselves. This conscious link between partners keeps sex alive in ways that go far beyond sex toys and fantasy games because it speaks to the real – and eternal – connection between the two individuals. More about this topic in a future post.

For more about relationships and how they serve to help us grow and become more of what we can be, see my book Rewiring the Soul: Finding the Possible Self, available as a paperback or e-book for Kindle. Download the first chapter here.

Book Description:

Ask anyone, whatever their circumstances, if their life is vibrant, fulfilling, harmonious and happy. An honest reply is likely to be 'no', because to answer a truthful 'yes' is no mean feat. Only to grow psychologically and emotionally is not enough. And only to grow spiritually is not enough either. All three dimensions need to be developed in order to realize your full potential. If you are willing to assume total responsibility for the self and to start what is an on-going journey, you will quickly begin to glimpse the first fruits of the ultimate goal: inner well-being, freedom, peace, harmony and joy. This book sets out the pathway to self-mastery and self-discovery and walking that pathway will be the most exciting adventure of your life.

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