"A revelation of insight into the foundations of human suffering & transcendence. It not only lays out essential steps for inner freedom and joy but illuminates the way to true human potential." Paul Rademacher, author: A Spiritual Hitchhiker's Guide to the Universe

"The masterwork of a profoundly gifted healer of the soul. Dazzling, challenging, wondrously useful." Peggy Rubin, author: To Be and How To Be, Transforming Your Life Through Sacred Theatre

"Rewiring the Soul is one the best introductions to the spiritual life I've ever read. Not esoteric but real-world and practical. The implications are profound." Peter Shepherd, author: Daring To Be Yourself

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Love Yourself First

This almost seems old hat. Overdone. Been there, done that.

The topic, I mean. Love yourself first.

But it isn't.

You know why? Because people are still not doing it. Most of us have still not learned that old adage that if we don't love ourselves first, we can't really love anyone else.

Know why?

Because you'll be loving them for all the wrong reasons. Oh, you might believe that you love them, and in some fashion you do, but for all the wrong reasons.

Here are some of them:
  • I'm so happy when I'm with him/her
  • He/she makes me feel so good
  • I need him/her so much! (in this instance, the person actually believes that needing someone is proof that they love them) Whew!
  • I feel so secure when I'm with him/her
  • I've never felt like this before ... only he/she can give me this feeling
  • When we're not together, I feel so lost
  • When we're not together, I feel like a part of me is missing
  • When we're not together, I just don't really enjoy doing things

Are you beginning to get my drift? All of the above indicate someone who is in love due to something he/she is getting from the beloved. That is the reason they are in love. Obviously this is not a conscious - almost mercenary - process. It happens. We realize we feel better around the beloved. We begin to define why we feel better around that person. Hence statements such as the above. And then - presto - we believe we are in love.

All is not lost, however. In other words, if you are still with me, this doesn't mean you now should give up your relationship in order to find yourself and discover how to love yourself first.

But it does mean, that now you should begin to realize that these reasons that make you believe you are in love are in fact pointing to the bits of you that you have not yet filled for yourself. So you go looking to fulfill them through another.

By beginning to fill them yourself, you begin the process of self love and self respect and self esteem and self acknowledgement. This is not selfishness or egotistical behavior.

Doing this, waking up about yourself, will lead you to a place where - when you then love - you will love as you were never able to as long as you needed the other for the fulfillment of your own needs.

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