"A revelation of insight into the foundations of human suffering & transcendence. It not only lays out essential steps for inner freedom and joy but illuminates the way to true human potential." Paul Rademacher, author: A Spiritual Hitchhiker's Guide to the Universe

"The masterwork of a profoundly gifted healer of the soul. Dazzling, challenging, wondrously useful." Peggy Rubin, author: To Be and How To Be, Transforming Your Life Through Sacred Theatre

"Rewiring the Soul is one the best introductions to the spiritual life I've ever read. Not esoteric but real-world and practical. The implications are profound." Peter Shepherd, author: Daring To Be Yourself

Friday, January 4, 2008

No One Can Control Your Emotions

Cape Verde
Many of us feel that when our emotions spill over, when we feel very awful (and even when we feel inordinately good), it is due to our interaction with someone, and therefore we believe that our emotions depend on the good or bad state of our relationship with each person. Obviously this is tantamount to saying that others control our emotions, and nothing could be further from the truth.

While it is true that as long as we do not make the choice to be in control of our own emotions, others can indeed evoke all kinds of emotions from us, it is also true that as soon as we begin to recognize that this is all a question of choice, we are then able to begin the process of pulling our emotions back under our own control.

Try it the next time someone has done or said something to you that makes you very angry or very sad ... tell yourself that there are alternatives to the reaction you are on the verge of having ... the very fact that you can have this thought brings you into awareness ... and once you are in awareness, or conscious rather than merely reacting, you begin to understand that you have choices. These choices are, for example, to ask yourself, if it is in your best benefit to react angrily or sadly. If you then realize that it is not, you begin to realize that the reaction (or non-reaction) that would be in your best benefit is another one. As you practice doing this, you pull your emotions into your own hands, rather than leaving them in the hands of others.

This does not mean, however, that your emotions should be coldly controlled. Quite the contrary. It does mean that however you react, you should be the one to decide, and that decision should be based on it being beneficial to your state of being.

Read more posts on emotions by clicking here and see in particular:
See also these articles on my website:

1 comment:

  1. That is a wonderful, insightful entry. Thanks for that!

    My New Year's resolution this 2008 is to seek peace in every area of my life - inner peace, the emotion of peace.

    I always like to start testing out my New Year's resolution weeks before January arrives - as soon as it occurs to me - so that it won't be something I practice procrastinating.

    I've been amazed how seeking to reach the feeling of peace in every situation is helping me see everything in a different way. I have had so many insights and new perspectives - even a better sense of humour. Wow!

    So, I totally agree with you, we can take control of our emotions. It's not that I don't feel twinges of anger, bitterness, guilt, frustration etc. - in fact, I think I'm becoming more aware of those automatic reacions than ever. What I've been doing is using those triggers as starting points to then grope towards feelings of peace. That's where the "Aha!" moments have come in.

    Happy New Year to you!