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"A revelation of insight into the foundations of human suffering & transcendence. It not only lays out essential steps for inner freedom and joy but illuminates the way to true human potential." Paul Rademacher, author: A Spiritual Hitchhiker's Guide to the Universe

"The masterwork of a profoundly gifted healer of the soul. Dazzling, challenging, wondrously useful." Peggy Rubin, author: To Be and How To Be, Transforming Your Life Through Sacred Theatre

"Rewiring the Soul is one the best introductions to the spiritual life I've ever read. Not esoteric but real-world and practical. The implications are profound." Peter Shepherd, author: Daring To Be Yourself

Tuesday, July 14, 2020

The Unlived Life of the Parent


Jung wrote: Nothing affects the life of the child so much as the unlived life of its parent. What you do not become conscious of in yourself, will find a secret life in your child, and therefore it is truly your responsibility - not only to yourself, but also to your children - to not cease in exploring your inner self.

It is crucial to understand that the part of you that you, yourself do not bring out on the table in your own life, affects your child on subliminal levels and will – at least until the child becomes conscious and aware - direct his life without either of you realizing it.

Let me hit you with a colossal – and obvious – example: a parent who has not learned to acquaint him/herself with the inner self and has not begun to love that self, will clearly taint the early years of the child – no matter how greatly the child is loved – due to this lack of self-love. A human being who does not love the self, is simply very different – and, if I might say so – on a lower scale of evolution, and quite clearly on a lower level of emotional maturity, than a human being who has begun the process of loving the self. 

Therefore, this unlived life of the parent’s self will impact the child enormously, and, unless the child discovers these matters himself as he grows, may impact the entire lifespan.

Since the notion of self-love is unlived in the parent – how can the parent ever model such a concept to the child? Simultaneously, the parent will model all the compensating behaviors; all the protective mechanisms he himself has erected, in order to be able to live with himself in this barren, inner, self-negating world. He will, in no particular order of importance, teach the child to rely on the ego for feeling good about the self. That means of course that to feel good about the self is based on the acquisition of outer "toys", on outer honor and prestige (none of which is bad, by the way, it is simply not enough, but most certainly negative, if that is what someone needs in order to feel good). He will teach the child to emotionally manipulate others (and probably emotionally manipulates the very child), in order to make his own world right. He will teach the child the importance of constant outer control, or at least attempted outer control over others, over circumstances and situations, in order to keep some of the inner demons at bay, not to mention teaching inner control over all feelings and thoughts that might not fit into the Weltanschauung that the parent has slowly evolved over the decades of his own life. This might imply not being curious about religions or spirituality, for example, as that implies actually facing monumental questions concerning integrity, morality, ethics, honor, and so much more, that the parent is potentially eschewing in his own life of rigid order to help him minimize such articulations, or it might mean tightly and rigidly adhering to the precepts of one single religion, no matter how nonsensical, simply in order to have that “under control” as well.

Sometimes parents will come to see me with the hope that I can ‘fix’ their child. I’ve written about this before in my article The Absolutely Best Way to Help Your Children Grow Into Exceptional Adults and my stock answer is more or less that I can do so if they themselves will begin the process of their own ‘fixing’. In other words, they will need to discover their own unlived life.

Let’s look at another example. Is the parent living a life of purpose? Does the parent even know what a life of purpose entails? If the parent has not yet begun to peek at this part of his own unlived life, he will again, have an impact on the lives of his children because meaningful and articulate conversations about these issues will never rise to the table. And by the way, this should not be misunderstood in the sense that the parent might have wished to be a painter, and instead, due to parental pressure that he received in turn, and thus became a lawyer. While this would also be a kind of unlived life, it is, however, often a generally openly acknowledged and recognized life, whether lived or not. What this article is examining, is the life that is not even discovered yet; the one with which the parent has not begun to engage.

Living a life of purpose implies giving value to your own life. You can quickly see how this is not going to happen as long as there is no importance being given to self-love, and how this will – again – impact on the child’s life, who will need to discover all of this on his own, and it may not hit his consciousness until he is well into adulthood himself.

Not living a life of purpose signifies that on some level the parent is not fulfilled, even though he may not be fully aware of what the nagging in his solar plexus is all about, especially if he has reaped professional, financial, and social honors. Not being fulfilled will affect his mood, his interaction with others, his sense of well-being, to name only a few, and this will, of course, have an effect on his child. His child will not be able to observe that daily moving towards fulfilling yet another part of the parent’s dream, or sense of purpose, simply due to its palpable absence, although no one would necessarily be able to put a label on it.

The unlived life of the parent is onerous in some ways. It sets up the scene for a great deal of mis-managed and unrecognized psychic energy in the household, as Jung called it, that negatively impacts on all its members. Yet, reflecting on my own life and that of many of my clients, I have come to realize that it offers a very specific ‘set-up’ for the child that will allow it – should it so decide – to grow in many ways that the parent never did, simply because the child begins by being vaguely aware that something is missing, or something is wrong, or simply, something is not right, and then, bit by bit, starts on a path of personal discovery by observing what helps his own inner process. If this truly happens, the next generation will be in the enviable position to live a very different life. In hindsight, the child, now evolved into a conscious adult, will recognize that ultimately its own growth stems precisely from the unlived life of its parent.

© Gabriella Kortsch, Ph.D.

***************


VIDEO COURSES IN ENGLISH


See the preview (click the title below) to my online video course:




"Fatherless Women & Motherless Men"


***************

See the preview (click on the title below) to my online video course:




"Freedom From the Torture of Your Thoughts"

**************************************************

See the preview (click on the title below) to my online video course  




  *****************************

CHARLAS EN ESPAÑOL EN YOUTUBE


Vampiros energéticos: Su efecto destructivo en tu vida



*******************************

Límites malsanos y autoestima: Tu felicidad y el amor hacia ti mismo





****************************

Basta con la tortura de tus pensamientos



****************************

"Soluciones para personas emocionalmente inaccesibles 
o con dependencia emocional"



****************************

Narcisismo y Psicopatía: Vivir sin Empatía



****************************
Relación espiritual y sexo en pareja



****************************
Elige hábitos para llevar una vida de bienestar



****************************
Morir: Un enfoque espiritual



****************************

Amor sano o disfuncional: ¿Cuál es la diferencia?




*****************************

BOOKS - LIBROS - BÜCHER


Also visit my book website: www.gabriellakortsch.com where you may download excerpts or read quotations from any of my books (also in Spanish & German). My latest book Emotional Unavailability & Neediness: Two Sides of the Same Coin is available globally on Amazon in print & Kindle. You can also obtain it (or any of my other books) via Barnes & Noble.


Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (English). Available globally in paperback or Kindle e-book versions


Bücher von Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (Deutsch) ... JETZT bei Amazon (Taschenbuch oder E-Book) erhältlich 
DEINE SEELE UND DU
  

Angefangen mit Rewiring the Soul - auf Deutsch: Deine Seele und Du, jetzt weltweit erhältlich als Taschenbuch oder Kindle E-Book (Blog hier), werden auch meine anderen Bücher in Zukunft auf Deutsch bei Amazon erhältlich sein.

Libros por Gabriella Kortsch (español) ... ahora en todo el mundo en Amazon en versión bolsillo y Kindle



Note: Also see my other other blog The Tao of Spiritual Partnership, so named for another one of my books. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed. 

My blog posts are also featured on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+, Pinterest & you can find me on Instagram 

Friday, May 15, 2020

The Big Picture


It’s been about seven weeks since we woke up to our new reality. Distancing. Isolation. Self-quarantine. Thoughts of contagion. Thoughts of worry, anger, fear, rage, desperation, and loneliness. Impatience with our particular circumstances – whatever they might be. Cabin fever. Masks, gloves, sanitizing lotion, Lysol, and bleach. Distress, pain, and despair. And back we go to fear and anger.

We connect via Zoom, Skype, Facetime, Google Hangouts, Whatsapp, and so many more. We remember people we have not spoken to in years. We feel warmth in our hearts for those whose calls we may have just recently ignored for lack of time in order – or so we told ourselves - to do something more important. And back some go to fear and anger.

Global inequality is at an extreme, transnational corporations, Silicon Valley, and the world of hedge funds and investment banking all hold the citizens of our world prisoners in their tiny drudge-filled slots with no hope of making better lives for themselves. Materialism reigns supreme, the fashion industry, influencers, and social media keep superficiality at extreme, god-like levels, climate change runs rampant through our entire earth and atmosphere, and so few are paying attention. But now, I believe, many are sitting up in ways that go far beyond what they did before, and are doing more than simply paying lip service to the recognition that there is a need for deep and profound change.

And so – despite all of the above, and despite our distancing and isolation and quarantining, there is hope in so many of us. And not only hope, but for many there is a sense of recognition. We’re all in this together. All of humanity. We see how we are all connected, and have been connected, although just recently we might have easily denied it. This – the pandemic - is a collective issue. All the other ills I listed are collective issues as well. And the pandemic has created a pause. Therefore, many are thinking in new ways. So the pandemic is also a collective potential.

Countless organizations, groups, and individuals are talking about it. The potential lies in what we make of this so that we are able to come out the other side not only contemplating, but already having begun the process of putting in place necessary and urgent changes in the state of our world.

You may be reading this with derision sketched on your face. Changes, you ask? Really? And how do you think those changes will come about?

I don’t know. All I know is that since the beginning of the realization that this was a different problem than just about anyone alive had ever experienced before, I began asking myself what the big picture is; what the big picture was going to become, how the big picture could be understood and made sense of.

And now, after observing for more than seven weeks much of what can be observed, or that I have access to, I have seen two things, repeated over and over, that give me great hope.

The first is logistical: this is not going to be over any time soon. Oh yes, some things will go towards what people might call the old normal, and yet not truly be the old normal, because we can’t go all the way back there. We all know that until there is a solution, a vaccine, a cure, the old normal is simply not possible. Crowded offices, bars, restaurants, hotels, shopping malls, stores, public events of any kind that imply a gathering of many people, are simply not feasible for now, and not feasible for the foreseeable future. Any kind of work that involves agglomerations of staff as opposed to remote work, faces the same issue. As do business and leisure travel, group sports activities, and so much more. Thus, logistically, until a solution, a vaccine, a deterrent for continued contagion, is found, none of the above is going to happen any time soon.

That implies that we continue to distance, isolate (even if to a lesser degree than for the past couple of months), potentially self-quarantine if the situation warrants it, and simply not go back to business as usual.

The second element I have observed that gives me great hope is inextricably linked to the first, because this second element requires, I believe, more time to marinate in the human mind, heart, and spirit. Many of you will have seen the same as I have: an emerging awareness of our connectedness on levels that reach far beyond simply being members of the human global community. You will have seen how in so many ways the world has come together virtually, to connect on that human level, via events on our digital screens that have united us with so many others. Events that might be concerts, speakers with ideas that move us, spiritual leaders, singers, actors, health professionals, politicians, and so many others coming together to present us – virtually – with so much that unites us. To speak of love, gratitude, compassion. To remind us of connection. And to remind us that we simply can’t go back to business as usual.

On some of these occasions, and when I contemplate the big picture concept that has so fascinated me since the outbreak of this pause in our lives, I have caught myself thinking: it can’t end yet. It’s too soon. We haven’t had enough time yet to see where we should be … where we could be going, and so, of course, when I read the cautionary statements that we need more time to resolve the virus, and that things will not be as before for quite some months, perhaps even years, a part of me almost rejoices.   

If we were able to resolve it all today or in a few weeks, we would go back to business as usual. Nothing would really have changed beyond the hundreds of thousands of dead (or millions), the lost jobs, businesses, and ruined finances of so many, the health of yet others who survived, but whose physical well-being has suffered a great decline due to the fact that they were infected. Those changes are monumental, life-changing, harrowing, and heart-breaking. But if we go back to business as usual, and simply try to move on from there, then I have to ask: but what was it all for? To create such devastation and to not learn from it; to not begin to fashion a new tomorrow precisely because of it?

So I welcome the time we are asked to be patient. I welcome the fact that we cannot – yet - get our lives back on track. I welcome the fact that we will continue to have time to contemplate what this might all mean. Because by continuing to come together as connected humanity, as intermingled molecules, and by realizing that we are indeed all one, we may find, by the time a solution for the virus is created, that there is a new way forward, and that we do not, after all, have to go back to business as usual, but that we will find ourselves co-creating a very new and better world. I hope to see you there.


NOTE: This is my May 2020 Newsletter. If you wish to subscribe in order to receive the monthly articles, please sign up at the top left of this page

***************


VIDEO COURSES IN ENGLISH


See the preview (click the title below) to my online video course:




Now Available

"Fatherless Women & Motherless Men"


***************

See the preview (click on the title below) to my online video course:



Now Available

"Freedom From the Torture of Your Thoughts"

**************************************************

See the preview (click on the title below) to my online video course  





  *****************************

CHARLAS EN ESPAÑOL EN YOUTUBE

Los enlaces a continuacion no sirven, dado que el canal de YouTube de Mindalia ha sido eliminado. Por tanto, las conferencia mias se pueden ver en mi propio canal de Youtube pinchando en este enlace


Vampiros energéticos: Su efecto destructivo en tu vida




*******************************
"Límites malsanos y autoestima: Tu felicidad y el amor hacia ti mismo"





****************************

"Basta con la tortura de tus pensamientos"



****************************

"Soluciones para personas emocionalmente inaccesibles 
y con dependencia emocional"




****************************

Narcisismo y Psicopatía: Vivir sin Empatía




****************************
Relación espiritual y sexo en pareja




****************************
Elige hábitos para llevar una vida de bienestar



****************************
Morir: Un enfoque espiritual



****************************

Amor sano o disfuncional: ¿Cuál es la diferencia?




*****************************

BOOKS - LIBROS - BÜCHER


Also visit my book website: www.gabriellakortsch.com where you may download excerpts or read quotations from any of my books (also in Spanish & German). My latest book Emotional Unavailability & Neediness: Two Sides of the Same Coin is available globally on Amazon in print & Kindle. You can also obtain it (or any of my other books) via Barnes & Noble.


Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (English). Available globally in paperback or Kindle e-book versions


Bücher von Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (Deutsch) ... JETZT bei Amazon (Taschenbuch oder E-Book) erhältlich 
DEINE SEELE UND DU
  

Angefangen mit Rewiring the Soul - auf Deutsch: Deine Seele und Du, jetzt weltweit erhältlich als Taschenbuch oder Kindle E-Book (Blog hier), werden auch meine anderen Bücher in Zukunft auf Deutsch bei Amazon erhältlich sein.

Libros por Gabriella Kortsch (español) ... ahora en todo el mundo en Amazon en versión bolsillo y Kindle



Note: Also see my other other blog The Tao of Spiritual Partnership, so named for another one of my books. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed. 

My blog posts are also featured on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+, Pinterest & you can find me on Instagram 

Tuesday, April 14, 2020

Rediscovering a Sense of Adventure in Your Life


As a young pre-teen living in Switzerland and Canada, I remember vividly feeling a sense of almost unbearable excitement thinking about how my life would unfold. Now mind you, I had no specific thought about the exact things that would happen – this was not an exercise in goal planning – rather, it was a sense of unadulterated joy about that which could be, but which was still veiled; not yet clear to me at all. There was an incredible sense of adventure in it. I felt a literal and physical vibration in my solar plexus when it happened. The fact that I did not know what it would be – this unfolding of my life - made absolutely no difference to those truly sublime feelings that resounded in me like a clarion call to be awake and aware about that which could be.

These thoughts, feelings, and sensations continued – on occasion - nearly to adulthood, and then – curiously, as I discovered in the aftermath - they seemed to disappear from my conscious mind. I didn’t miss them, because I had apparently simply forgotten about them.

Life went on, much joy, but also great pain ensued, and finally, when I was in my mid-thirties, I suddenly remembered those feelings. Where did you go? I asked myself. And how do I get you back?
Let me tell you right here and now that I don’t have a fail-proof plan for getting those feelings back, but as I look retrospectively over my life since the time I realized I had lost the feelings, I can see clearly how mine did come back. Perhaps it can help you shed light on how you might get yours back – or, if you have never experienced such feelings, perhaps it might help you discover them.

What I write now comes from having given the process much thought over the ensuing 30 plus years, and remembering – again in retrospect – exactly when I would, occasionally, experience the feelings again. What I believe now is that the feelings are intertwined with the connection we all have (but do not all sense) with our inner self. Perhaps, in those pre-teen and teen years, despite my apparent early onset maturity in thought, I was, in some fashion, still a child with a child-like connection to the numinous, the divine within. And somewhere, somehow, in that mix, those feelings arose initially.

Understanding this, or perhaps it is better to say believing this, later, in adulthood, I could see that the feelings re-emerged whenever I went back on my path. What is my path? I certainly didn’t know it then (I may not fully know it now), but I could sense that it was when I was on that “path”, that those feelings came back. They would never stay long enough for me to become fully acquainted with them, but they became more and more familiar as time went by. They would again energize me, fill me with that sense of adventure I remembered from my teens, although I remember some dark years in my late forties where it appeared that they had again all but vanished, and my heart cried out in vain wondering how I could get them back once again.

After that, however, as I stayed more and more on a given road in my life, I was greeted more and more often again with those feelings of adventure, of excitement, and of joy. I cannot reiterate enough that it was never connected to outer honours, successes, or financial rewards, but to a knowing that I was walking my path.

One part of the rediscovery of these feelings was to try different things and test out how I felt as I did them. As time went by, I could sense quite clearly which were the ones that connected me to that feeling and which were not. The adventure I refer to is, of course, not an outer adventure such as white-water rafting or trekking through the foothills of the Himalayas, but an adventure of the soul. This creates the connection and this creates the joy and the sense of adventure and excitement, almost as if you are able to re-connect with a long-lost and very beloved friend.

In order to sense what I have written about, you need some quiet space in your life. Without it, how do you expect to even notice what is going on inside? Without it, how do you expect to recognize when you are coming closer to yourself with what you are doing and thinking? Without it, how do you expect to reconnect to the you that you may have forgotten, or barely even realize is there?
Giving yourself time to contemplate this process – and putting it into action - may lead you to a joy you may have never experienced.


***************


VIDEO COURSES IN ENGLISH


See the preview (click the title below) to my online video course:




"Fatherless Women & Motherless Men"


***************

See the preview (click on the title below) to my online video course:




"Freedom From the Torture of Your Thoughts"

**************************************************

See the preview (click on the title below) to my online video course  




  *****************************

CONFERENCIAS EN ESPAÑOL EN YOUTUBE

Estas conferencias que ofrecí entre el 2017 y el 2019 se 
pueden ver en mi propio canal de Youtube 
pinchando en este enlace




Vampiros energéticos: Su efecto destructivo en tu vida



*******************************

"Límites malsanos y autoestima: Tu felicidad y el amor hacia ti mismo"





****************************

"Basta con la tortura de tus pensamientos"



****************************

"Soluciones para personas emocionalmente inaccesibles 
y con dependencia emocional"



****************************

Narcisismo y Psicopatía: Vivir sin Empatía



****************************
Relación espiritual y sexo en pareja



****************************
Elige hábitos para llevar una vida de bienestar



****************************
Morir: Un enfoque espiritual



****************************

Amor sano o disfuncional: ¿Cuál es la diferencia?




*****************************

BOOKS - LIBROS - BÜCHER


Also visit my book website: www.gabriellakortsch.com where you may download excerpts or read quotations from any of my books (also in Spanish & German). My latest book Emotional Unavailability & Neediness: Two Sides of the Same Coin is available globally on Amazon in print & Kindle. You can also obtain it (or any of my other books) via Barnes & Noble.


Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (English). Available globally in paperback or Kindle e-book versions


Bücher von Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (Deutsch) ... JETZT bei Amazon (Taschenbuch oder E-Book) erhältlich 
DEINE SEELE UND DU
  

Angefangen mit Rewiring the Soul - auf Deutsch: Deine Seele und Du, jetzt weltweit erhältlich als Taschenbuch oder Kindle E-Book (Blog hier), werden auch meine anderen Bücher in Zukunft auf Deutsch bei Amazon erhältlich sein.

Libros por Gabriella Kortsch (español) ... ahora en todo el mundo en Amazon en versión bolsillo y Kindle



Note: Also see my other other blog The Tao of Spiritual Partnership, so named for another one of my books. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed. 

My blog posts are also featured on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+, Pinterest & you can find me on Instagram