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Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Choosing to Participate in Conflict


How do you decide whether you will argue or not? Or perhaps I should ask: who decides whether you will argue or not? Or - what decides whether you will argue or not?

Your answer might be an amalgam of the following:
  • it depends on what is said or done to me
  • it depends on how ridiculous / crazy / contentious / unconventional / opposed to mine, etc., another's opinion is
And there are many other possible answers to my questions - all of which look to external factors being decisive in the decision about whether or not you will argue. In other words, what decides it for you is something outside of you that creates a reaction in you and it is that which determines whether or not you will argue.

What about looking at it from another angle, perhaps quite out-of-the-box, where you decide that ideally it will be you and not those outer circumstances that will decide whether or not you should argue. And perhaps if you are able to do that, you would come to the conclusion that arguing is rarely, if ever, of any value. That doesn't mean you can't state your opinion about a subject, even a diametrically opposed opinion, but the argument will only arise if you insist that your opinion is correct while the other person's is wrong. But if you only state your opinion and allow the other person to 'own' his or her opinion, then there can be no argument (assuming they allow you the right to your own opinion). And even if they don't, in the words of Wayne Dyer: conflict cannot survive without your participation.

You - and only you - can decide and choose whether you will participate in any kind of conflict or argument. What do you choose?

Image by eWan / Île de Batz, France, Sunset

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