Have you ever noticed that when you are not in the best of moods, or when you are upset or resentful or angry about something, you seem to find more people who actually create even more of those feelings in you? Almost as though a tuning fork were set to ensure that those people with negative feelings that exactly match yours cross your path that day at exactly the same time as you are there! As a matter of fact, when I was younger this happened at a certain point with such frequency that I deliberately started paying attention to it. It had grabbed, you might say, my attention, because it was happening too often to be put down to mere coincidence. Was, I asked myself, the universe playing with me?
As I became aware of all of this, I also began noticing that when I was in a good place inside, I seemed to bring more people with that kind of mood, or inner vibration into my sphere during that day. It also seemed to be a lot more difficult to make me lose my cool, to become upset about anything, or to engage in hostility or negativity.
So, I thought, this must mean that depending on how I feel, and perhaps on what I emanate, just by virtue of what can be seen or felt by those who are in my vicinity, I attract a whole different kind of experience or person into my life. Therefore it appeared not to be a bad idea to decide that I live in a friendly universe, a term I have borrowed from Einstein and Wayne Dyer. A universe in which it is just as easy to run into friendly people as it is to run into angry people, just as easy to run into helpful people as it is to run into impatient and unkind people, just as easy to run into positive and joyful people, as it is to run into negative and unhappy people.
And although the connection is wide, as I revisited this topic in order to write today's article, that immediately made me think of a book titled Brain Rules by neuroscientist John Medina, who after writing many chapters jam-packed with near clinical detail about the brain and how to best understand how it works and how to deal with it, expresses wonder and amazement near the end of the book describing his young son one day as he accompanies him to his nursery school. They were walking a short distance that would have taken Medina father a few minutes to cover, but because he was escorting the small child, it took much longer. But mainly it took so long - and this was the source of the father's wonder - because his son stopped at every blade of grass, as if to observe its growth, or to examine how it had emerged from a minute crack in the cement of the sidewalk, or to become totally absorbed in the inspection of an ant as it shouldered its load of a bread crumb on its way to the underground anthill, following a long line of its brethren. He - Medina - realized his child was much more present than he himself tended to be, and although he does not use the term mindfulness in his book, I do, because I believe that is what a child does, and what we adults tend not to do, and hence find it so much harder to decide that we are living in a friendly universe.
As we arise in the morning, we already make decisions about the day in question:
· oh no, it's raining
· oh no, it's not raining
· oh no, it's so cold
oh no, it's so hot
And the problem is not the condition of the weather, but our inner resistance to what is. Krishnamurti said that the secret to his happiness was not minding what happens, and I have repeated this frequently in workshops, talks and other articles, because I truly believe it contains endless wisdom. It does not mean becoming apathetic, but it does mean accepting what is, finding inner balance and peace with regards to that, and only then deciding what needs to be done about it, rather than embarking on reactions and actions based on a feeling of resistance to what is.
So if we embark on our day with an attitude of acceptance, and then go to the wonder and joy of the child, perhaps we will hear the brilliant birdsong as we open the window, or see the ray of sunshine amidst the grey, as it attempts to slice a cloud in half. And as we do so, we notice our inner energetic vibration being in a good place, and we are aware of the fact, not only due to research in a multitude of disciplines, but also because of how we feel on this more visceral, physical level, that our inner mindset is also affecting the state of our cells, our very biology.
And so we progress throughout our day, looking for the many reasons that the universe is indeed a friendly place, filled with events, and sights, and people and moments that can quicken our heart with joy and well-being … if only we decide.
You get to decide whether you live in a hostile or a friendly universe. You can decide what each of the things that happen every day mean. You get to decide whether your life is good or bad no matter how it may look on the outside...remember what I've said so often about Viktor Frankl or Nelson Mandela or the innumerous others who have gone through great suffering, and yet have made a choice about how their life is going, and especially how they are going to look at it, think about it, and hence, feel about it, and react to it.
It's also true that the more you look for reasons to believe that things are going against you, and that people don't like you or accept you, the less you will be disappointed in your expectations...
And don't forget that your thoughts - as molecular and cellular biology show us (see these posts on that subject) really do become things, so the manner in which you view your world and think about it is of great importance.
As I've pointed out so frequently: you choose.
You can choose to wake up in the morning and be grateful for the new day and new opportunities. You can choose to remember to be grateful to five people every day about something that happened with them, and to make a habit of this - without fail - in order to help keep your mind on that instead of what you didn't like. You can choose to find something in what you didn't like that is of value to you and your life, even if it is learning how to choose not to react negatively in the face of adversity.
So start choosing the way that is of use to you, instead of the way that simply increments the negative; start choosing to live in a friendly universe.
Image: Amalfi Coast, Ravello, Italy
For more about being aware of your thoughts and habits and how that will enhance your life and promote a different future, as well as bringing you joy, greater inner peace and freedom, have a look at my book Rewiring the Soul: Finding the Possible Self (paperback or Kindle).
To download the first chapter, click here
To see the Table of Contents click here
Reviews From the Back Cover:
A revelation of insight into the foundations of human suffering & transcendence. It not only lays out essential steps for inner freedom & joy but illuminates the way to true human potential. Dr. Kortsch is a spiritual master for our time. Paul Rademacher, Executive Director, The Monroe Institute; author: A Spiritual Hitchhiker's Guide to the Universe
"The masterwork of a profoundly gifted healer of the soul. Dazzling, challenging, wondrously useful." Peggy Rubin, Director, Center for Sacred Theatre, Ashland, Oregon; author: To Be and How To Be, Transforming Your Life Through Sacred Theatre
"The instruction manual on rewiring the soul. An in-depth guide on life, love, spiritual evolution & our integration within the universe." Michael Habernig & April Hannah; Producers: The Path- The Afterlife & The Path 11 Documentaries
"Rewiring the Soul is one the best introductions to the spiritual life I've ever read. Not esoteric but real-world & practical. The implications are profound." Peter Shepherd; Founder Trans4mind.com; author: Daring To Be Yourself
"The human being's directory to the soul. A breakthrough for those seeking practical assistance, those of a more mystical bent & every soul awaiting discovery." Toni Petrinovich, Ph.D.; author: The Call: Awakening the Angelic Human
My new book The Tao of Spiritual Partnership is now also available in print and Kindle formats.
To download the first chapter, click here
To see the Table of Contents click here
From the Description on Amazon: More exciting than any other kind of relationship you have ever known, spiritual partnership is a path, a Tao, available to you so that you may transform your life. Spiritual partnership becomes background music to daily life allowing you to enhance the process of your growth and evolution.
This ground-breaking book addresses:
• relationship patterns that hold you back from a truly fulfilled life
• the strong connection between sexuality and spiritual partnership
• communication leading to true connection & lasting transformation of your relationship
It is precisely at the problematic crossroads so often encountered in relationships that we are offered the opportunity to create a new foundation based on mutual complementarity rather than need; a free relationship between two people who want to be together, rather than two people who need to be together. Needing another, we are told, is the measure of love, but for a fully conscious individual nothing could be further from the truth. And therein lies part of the secret and healing power of spiritual partnerships.
Praise for The Tao of Spiritual Partnership
“All humans seek the illusive touch of another's Soul, which opens us to the sense of belonging to something bigger than the self. Dr. Kortsch has given us the true "tao" of relationship in this brilliant exploration of emotional tapestry. We will be grateful for this illumination of spiritual partnership for generations to come."
Chris Griscom: Spiritual Leader, Author
“Eloquently and comprehensive, showing how your primary love relationship may be a sacred vessel that transports you and your partner to a place of mutual healing and expansion.”
Robert Schwartz: Author of Your Soul’s Gift: The Healing Power of the Life You Planned Before You Were Born
"The Tao of Spiritual Partnership is a unique blend of wit and wisdom; Dr. Kortsch encourages us to take responsibility for our relationships, while recognizing and seizing the opportunities for our own personal spiritual growth."
William Buhlman, Author of Adventures Beyond the Body
Note: If you are wondering why this blog is now only appearing on alternate days (excluding Sat/Sun), it is because I also post on my other blog on the others days. That other blog is The Tao of Spiritual Partnership, so named for my new book. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed.