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Monday, September 3, 2012

Unfettered Love


Loving another human being - whether a partner, a parent, a child, a friend - almost always carries some kind of weight with it. It might be the weight of responsibility for the one you love, such as the responsibility a parent carries for a child, and you might not consider it a weight at all. It might be the responsibility an adult child carries for an infirm elderly parent - physical care-taking responsibility, financial responsibility, or legal responsibility in the case of neurologically degenerative illnesses. It might be the responsibility an individual carries for a partner who has been diagnosed with a terminal illness, or for one who has returned psychologically damaged after serving in a war zone. These are heavy responsibilities, but we may not consider them so, simply because we love the person we care for.

However, loving another human being might also imply the responsibility an individual carries for their partner from an emotional point of view, because the partner is unable to remain strong without a great deal of input and support from the partner. This one might weigh a bit more heavily. It might be the responsibility someone carries for their partner who is needy, who clings, who is dependent, and never seems to totally grow up. This one is another kind of responsibility that might weigh heavily. It might be the responsibility one partner feels for the other with regards to the other's happiness. The partner considers it is his/her responsibility to make the other one happy. This is very heavy duty responsibility! It might be the responsibility a person carries for a friend who somehow never seems to make it and always needs some kind of help. This one might also weigh more heavily.

The kind of responsibility that comes about with love as referred to in the first paragraph is, I believe, 'clean'. It may weigh heavily at times, but it's part of life, and we accept it. It is, however, the kind of responsibility that arises with love, referred to in the next paragraph that I consider 'fettered'. You take on a kind of chain or strait jacket when you tacitly agree to these kinds of responsibilities with a partner who does not carry their own weight psychologically and emotionally. This happens when both partners are living life unconsciously and are not aware of what they have going on between them. This smacks of poor boundaries and a lack of self-love on both sides, all of which can be improved immensely by taking steps to becoming aware. Unfettered and unchained love is so much better and is what each of us deserves. Start making different choices in your life and begin the process to become aware.


For much more about becoming aware, about loving the self and about making healthy and self-loving choices, have a look at my book Rewiring the Soul: Finding the Possible Self (paperback or e-book).

To download the first chapter, click here

From the Description on Amazon: Ask anyone, whatever their circumstances, if their life is vibrant, fulfilling, harmonious and happy. An honest reply is likely to be 'no', because to answer a truthful 'yes' is no mean feat. Only to grow psychologically and emotionally is not enough. And only to grow spiritually is not enough either. All three dimensions need to be developed in order to realize your full potential. If you are willing to assume total responsibility for the self and to start what is an on-going journey, you will quickly begin to glimpse the first fruits of the ultimate goal: inner well-being, freedom, peace, harmony and joy. This book sets out the pathway to self-mastery and self-discovery and walking that pathway will be the most exciting adventure of your life.

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