WELCOME TO THIS BLOG


"A revelation of insight into the foundations of human suffering & transcendence. It not only lays out essential steps for inner freedom and joy but illuminates the way to true human potential." Paul Rademacher, author: A Spiritual Hitchhiker's Guide to the Universe

"The masterwork of a profoundly gifted healer of the soul. Dazzling, challenging, wondrously useful." Peggy Rubin, author: To Be and How To Be, Transforming Your Life Through Sacred Theatre

"Rewiring the Soul is one the best introductions to the spiritual life I've ever read. Not esoteric but real-world and practical. The implications are profound." Peter Shepherd, author: Daring To Be Yourself

Friday, August 31, 2012

The Butterfly In You


Speaking to a teenager yesterday, who is beginning his first year of college, I reminded him of the age-old symbol of the butterfly emerging from the chrysalis, and how he - the teen - would be going through that process as well at each stage of his life. And right now, it meant leaving the safety and security of his family and venturing out to live in another country and to begin studies that were very different, and almost certainly, very challenging compared to what he had been doing up to this point. This symbolizes the emergence of the butterfly in him - at this stage of his life - that has been preparing over all these past years to be able to come out of the chrysalis (of his own making) in order to continue his trajectory as a butterfly.

In our lives this may happen over and over again, each time we come to a new stage that we have been preparing for, and find, that as we struggle to reach the place we want to arrive at, that we can't yet see the butterfly. It is there, just as in nature, that butterfly is there in the 'imaginal' cells within the chrysalis long before the butterfly actually emerges and can be seen in all its splendor. The magnificent Jean Houston once said: We all have the extraordinary coded within us, waiting to be released.

Are you preparing to release your butterfly?

Image: Monarch butterfly emerging from the chrysalis


For much more about the process of transformation, have a look at my book Rewiring the Soul: Finding the Possible Self, available at Amazon as a paperback or e-book for Kindle and all Kindle applications.

Click here to download the first chapter.

Reviews From the Back Cover:

A revelation of insight into the foundations of human suffering & transcendence. It not only lays out essential steps for inner freedom & joy but illuminates the way to true human potential. Dr. Kortsch is a spiritual master for our time. Paul Rademacher, Executive Director, The Monroe Institute; author: A Spiritual Hitchhiker's Guide to the Universe

"The masterwork of a profoundly gifted healer of the soul. Dazzling, challenging, wondrously useful." Peggy Rubin, Director, Center for Sacred Theatre, Ashland, Oregon; author: To Be and How To Be, Transforming Your Life Through Sacred Theatre

"The instruction manual on rewiring the soul. An in-depth guide on life, love, spiritual evolution & our integration within the universe." Michael Habernig & April Hannah; Producers: The Path- The Afterlife & The Path 11 Documentaries

"Rewiring the Soul is one the best introductions to the spiritual life I've ever read. Not esoteric but real-world & practical. The implications are profound." Peter Shepherd; Founder Trans4mind.com; author: Daring To Be Yourself

"The human being's directory to the soul. A breakthrough for those seeking practical assistance, those of a more mystical bent & every soul awaiting discovery." Toni Petrinovich, Ph.D.; author: The Call: Awakening the Angelic Human

Thursday, August 30, 2012

Who Chooses Your Thoughts & Beliefs?


What you think and believe does not necessarily originate in you. We're all endlessly (and often mindlessly) influenced by that which we hear and see on a daily basis, including, but not limited to TV, the press, billboards, talk shows, and even reality TV, not to mention what our family, friends, and work colleagues discuss with us.

Well yes, you may say to me, but I still choose what I think about and what I believe. I beg to differ. Remember when we were told eggs were bad for us? Raise your hand if you changed your eating habits based on that one (or perhaps you still believe it). Ditto margarine being better for our health than butter. How about when they said that surgery, chemotherapy and radiation therapy were the best (and some say the only) way to go with cancer treatment? How about hormone treatment for andropausal men and menopausal women? Is it good or bad? Does it cause cancer or not? Or when they say that this politician is bad, that one is good and will save your country. Or: sugar is bad for you, therefore have artificial sweeteners such as saccharine or aspartame. Not to mention the amount of thoughts and beliefs we hold to be true because they form part of what we see on those talk shows, sitcoms, and reality TV as well as what we see on our pervasive social networking sites.

What does this mean? Have we all been converted into walking, mindless zombies? I believe a large part of it is due to the reading, listening and viewing choices we make on a daily basis. We appear to have lost the art of discernment, as well as the art of verifying things we hear. Just because we heard it on the news, or because all our friends are saying it, means little. We should, perhaps, take a closer look at the origin of some of these thoughts and beliefs, or do some research - even if just cursory - which nowadays is so easy thanks to the Internet, in order to substantiate what we are hearing. If I base a portion of my life on a specific set of thoughts or a belief - even if it is just something as simple as whether I make the choice to eat eggs in the face of a barrage of so-called expert commentators on TV, and articles in the mainstream press - it must be because I have satisfied my own set of criteria for this belief.

So in some fashion this whole thing boils down to how much I care about myself. Am I willing (and aware enough) to look at things in a slightly deeper way in order to decide whether to believe something? Or will I take the easy road and simply accept, think and believe because it's out there ... everywhere?



For much more about becoming aware, about loving the self and about making healthy and self-loving choices, have a look at my book Rewiring the Soul: Finding the Possible Self (paperback or e-book).

To download the first chapter, click here

From the Description on Amazon: Ask anyone, whatever their circumstances, if their life is vibrant, fulfilling, harmonious and happy. An honest reply is likely to be 'no', because to answer a truthful 'yes' is no mean feat. Only to grow psychologically and emotionally is not enough. And only to grow spiritually is not enough either. All three dimensions need to be developed in order to realize your full potential. If you are willing to assume total responsibility for the self and to start what is an on-going journey, you will quickly begin to glimpse the first fruits of the ultimate goal: inner well-being, freedom, peace, harmony and joy. This book sets out the pathway to self-mastery and self-discovery and walking that pathway will be the most exciting adventure of your life.

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Scattering Grief



Feeling less than good, feeling low, feeling that your world is not right, feeling sad, feeling bad - in short, living an inner inferno is something most of us have experienced at some time in our lives. How do you normally react in the face of it? Do you concentrate with great might on figuring it out? Or do you go around and around in your mind about the details of whatever it is that is causing the feeling? Do you berate your destiny, to be the recipient of such bad luck? Do you angrily cry out that it is not fair? Or do you curl up in a corner and try to weather it?

There is much to be said about accepting things as they are (Tolle), or to be said in favor of not minding what happens (Krishnamurti). This does not mean that you become apathetic and sit back to endure your fate. It means, rather, that in the accepting, you stop fighting or resisting that which you believe is causing your negative feelings, and in so doing, are almost immediately able to find a state of inner balance, which leads you to a place of inner well-being. Once there, you can begin to decide what to do about whatever it is that is going on in your life.

And you can do one other thing as well: find a joy. A small joy. Just for that moment. Perhaps having a latte at a lovely café with a delightful view or cozy atmosphere. Perhaps sitting on a bench in the park feeding the ducks. Perhaps buying a newspaper (as opposed to reading one online) and sitting for a spell to read it. Admittedly, small joys, but in the words of a Chinese proverb: one joy scatters a hundred griefs.


For much more about becoming aware, about your thoughts, about joy and your feelings, and about choosing to make decisons based on conscious awareness in order to enhance not only your daily life but also your inner well-being, have a look at my book Rewiring the Soul: Finding the Possible Self, available at Amazon as a paperback or e-book for Kindle and all Kindle applications.

Click here to download the first chapter.

Reviews From the Back Cover:

A revelation of insight into the foundations of human suffering & transcendence. It not only lays out essential steps for inner freedom & joy but illuminates the way to true human potential. Dr. Kortsch is a spiritual master for our time. Paul Rademacher, Executive Director, The Monroe Institute; author: A Spiritual Hitchhiker's Guide to the Universe

"The masterwork of a profoundly gifted healer of the soul. Dazzling, challenging, wondrously useful." Peggy Rubin, Director, Center for Sacred Theatre, Ashland, Oregon; author: To Be and How To Be, Transforming Your Life Through Sacred Theatre

"The instruction manual on rewiring the soul. An in-depth guide on life, love, spiritual evolution & our integration within the universe." Michael Habernig & April Hannah; Producers: The Path- The Afterlife & The Path 11 Documentaries

"Rewiring the Soul is one the best introductions to the spiritual life I've ever read. Not esoteric but real-world & practical. The implications are profound." Peter Shepherd; Founder Trans4mind.com; author: Daring To Be Yourself

"The human being's directory to the soul. A breakthrough for those seeking practical assistance, those of a more mystical bent & every soul awaiting discovery." Toni Petrinovich, Ph.D.; author: The Call: Awakening the Angelic Human

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Wearing Someone Else's Clothes


When I was in the corporate world and received my first important promotion, I went to a tailor and had five suits made that looked like men's suits. I even wore some of them with a jaunty kind of feminine tie. Fortunately the suits looked rather good on me, but that phase of my wardrobe did not last very long as I soon realized I did not have to wear men's clothes to do what was - then - considered to be a man's job.

In this post, however, I'm not talking about that kind of dressing. Wearing someone else's clothes happens when we take on the characteristics and mannerisms, the personality traits, the beliefs and the way of behaving of another human being. It may start out because we admire someone. It may begin because we wish to emulate what they have done in order to get there ourselves.

But there is a great distance between emulating someone's proactive behavior in order to achieve a goal and actually taking on that person's characteristics because we have not given our own being enough importance, or, what may be even worse, because we have not come to know and appreciate ourselves to any extent.

Back in the day women would often take on their husband's political and religious opinions. In conversations (and I remember hearing this phrase often in conversations in the early 70's), many sentences would begin with 'my husband says that ...' or 'Johnny believes that ... ' or ' Bill says we should ...'. It's not hard to grasp that this happened in part because these women gave little weight to their own opinions (which again, in part formed the tapestry of the patriarchal social paradigm that was in the throes of major change).

But in our present world this is often seen in the way many of us take on the opinions of a majority - opinions we have not necessarily examined and thought out properly. Frequently this happens despite the fact that in our gut we may feel another opinion is more correct, but we don't want to stand out from the crowd. Or we may behave a certain way (consuming alcohol beyond what we really want to consume, for example, or buying more articles of clothing than we really want or need) in order to fit in.

A good part of this happens due to a lack of living an aware life. The more aware an individual is, the more he will either give weight to his own opinions and character traits, or recognize that they need some tweaking, and will begin the process of doing this. Awareness leads to a greater love of the self and a greater (healthy) love of the self means that you would never want to wear someone else's clothes.


For much more about becoming aware, about loving the self and about making healthy and self-loving choices, have a look at my book Rewiring the Soul: Finding the Possible Self (paperback or e-book).

To download the first chapter, click here

From the Description on Amazon: Ask anyone, whatever their circumstances, if their life is vibrant, fulfilling, harmonious and happy. An honest reply is likely to be 'no', because to answer a truthful 'yes' is no mean feat. Only to grow psychologically and emotionally is not enough. And only to grow spiritually is not enough either. All three dimensions need to be developed in order to realize your full potential. If you are willing to assume total responsibility for the self and to start what is an on-going journey, you will quickly begin to glimpse the first fruits of the ultimate goal: inner well-being, freedom, peace, harmony and joy. This book sets out the pathway to self-mastery and self-discovery and walking that pathway will be the most exciting adventure of your life.

Monday, August 27, 2012

What Do You Do While You Wait For Happiness & Success?


Waiting for success to arrive can be a daunting business. It can elude us, with the slippery qualities of a fish in the water. You may despair of anything ever happening, and so you continue to wait hopefully that success will finally alight on your doorstep.

But what are you doing during this waiting period? 

Let's look at another scenario. Imagine you want to be happy - also a daunting business. But again, happiness always seems to elude you like that proverbial slippery fish. You never get that promotion, without which you can't be happy. You  never have a vacation that is long enough to allow you to take a road trip from Mexico to Patagonia, without which you can't be happy. You never get that Porsche, without which you can't be happy. You never lose those ten pounds, without which you can't be happy. You never got the public acknowledgement and praise for that thing you did, without which you can't be happy.

So here you are in another kind of waiting period, where you wait to achieve or receive or do something in order to then - finally - be happy.

In both examples you can choose to do something different - something that allows you to feel a measure of that success; a measure of that happiness now! You find success in what you do every day, every step of the way, along that road to the other success you are aiming at, and by finding this success every day in your daily steps, you will bring another kind of energy to your life than the helpless, hopeless energy consistent with that continual hoping. And in the case of happiness you can choose to find happiness in the everyday activities of your life. You can be happy now - your happiness does not depend on outer circumstances, but on inner choices. Jonathan Winters said: I could not wait for success, so I went ahead without it. The same applies to happiness.

Image: El Teide, Tenerife, Canary Islands, Spain

For much more information about happiness and success, about your thoughts, choices, inner freedom and about living a conscious life, have a look at my book Rewiring the Soul: Finding the Possible Self, available at Amazon as paperback or e-book for Kindle.


Click here to download the first chapter.

A Review (From Amazon):

"The masterwork of a profoundly gifted healer of the soul. Dazzling, challenging, wondrously useful." Peggy Rubin, Director, Center for Sacred Theatre, Ashland, Oregon; author: To Be and How To Be, Transforming Your Life Through Sacred Theatre

Excerpt from an Interview:

Who is the book written for? Rewiring the Soul is written for anybody who suffers and I guess that means just about all of us! It is written for anybody who has not yet experienced enduring happiness and inner well-being; anybody who is reaching for inner peace; anybody whose life is not as they would wish it to be.

What can a reader expect to gain by reading this book? What makes it different from most other transformational or self-help books out there? So many wonderful teachers tell us about working on our spiritual selves. So many other wonderful teachers show us how to work on our psycho-emotional selves. But very few actually integrate the two. And Rewiring the Soul is my response to that challenge. Rewiring the Soul brings together the need to take your daily life in hand with the need to put your spiritual life in order as well. By daily life I mean your personal life, your professional life, the way you do or do not love yourself and all that such an attitude entails: conscious awareness, healthy boundaries, meaning in your life, recognizing you always have a choice, and taking responsibility for all your choices, etc., and by spiritual life I mean the inner connection to your eternal self.

If you have learned how to meditate, or do yoga, or whatever it is that you do, have you also learned how to observe yourself in the middle of an argument with your rebellious teenage son or your angry partner and hence choose to react differently because you have learned to love yourself enough to do so? If you have learned how to communicate more effectively with your children, spouse, friends, colleagues or employees, have you also learned how to be mindful and connect to yourself in meaningful ways to achieve that spiritual balance in your life?

While Rewiring the Soul is about so much more than that, those previous examples give an idea of what my book is about and how it does so in such a way that our psychological and spiritual selves nurture each other.

In a nutshell: neither the spiritual nor the psychological or emotional dimensions of your life will work if you neglect:
  • your inner connection to the eternal self while you seek happiness in the outer world
  • your happiness in the outer world while you seek the connection to the inner eternal self

It was Goethe who said "If everyone will sweep in front of their own door, soon the entire world will be clean". In Rewiring the Soul 'sweeping in front of your own door' means bringing yourself to the utmost point of inner and outer growth, creating progress in body, mind, and soul. This literally means that you have already begun to change the world because of how you are changing yourself.

Are there many exercises in the book? Not at all. This book does not mean hard work, or spending a lot of time doing specific things. It simply means that as you read - if you so desire - you begin to incorporate small changes into your daily life. And so it begins. And the quality of your life changes...

How did you come to write this book? For years the essential content of Rewiring the Soul was like a small, recurring voice in my head; it was always there, and simply would not leave me alone. I had dozens of excuses for not writing it: I was working on my Ph.D. in psychology, I was teaching at a state university, I had three sons, later I was occupied with moving back to Spain, I was setting up my private practice, I had a monthly newsletter to write in English and Spanish, I had a weekly one-hour radio show to broadcast, I had a daily blog post to write, I facilitated numerous workshops and gave frequent speeches, and apart from all of this busy activity and work, sometimes I even had a life. In short, I told myself the book would simply have to wait. But just as a splinter under your skin eventually needs to be seen to, I ultimately realized that the only way I was going to be able to honor the more and more loudly clamoring voice in my head - and heart - was to sit down and write the book.

And you know, that goes to meaning. We all need meaning in our lives, and although I had many things that gave much significance to my life already, the inner urging and excitement I felt each time I thought about Rewiring the Soul compelled me to write the book. Rumi puts it beautifully: "When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy".

Friday, August 24, 2012

Flexing Your Awareness Muscles


Many of us go to the gym several times a week. Or we practice another form of exercise, perhaps we play tennis or squash, or train to run marathons, or simply take a daily walk. At any rate, as we do this, we are very aware of the fact that whichever exercise we are practicing, it will take some time to develop muscles where perhaps before there were none. We know this. And so we carry on in the firm conviction and knowledge that sooner or later we will begin to start noticing a certain toning of our body.

Becoming aware of yourself, your feelings and thoughts: your inner state of well being, in other words, is a very similar situation. If you have not been in the habit of doing any of this - of being aware of yourself - you will need to build up muscles just like the person at the gym builds up physical muscles. And in some ways it's easier than building up physical muscles, because all you really have to do is to remember to be aware. And to do that, you can help yourself by putting up some post-it's as reminders. Place them on your bathroom mirror, your refrigerator, your computer monitor, even at work, and simply write "what am I feeling?" or "what am I thinking?" on them, so that every time you see one of them, you are reminded to be aware. If you believe others who could see the post-it's might make silly remarks about them, simply write a favorite quotation on them instead of the other sentences, but know that when you see that quotation, it is meant to spur you into awareness.

Why is being aware so important? At the beginning, it will merely serve to make you realize how much of your waking time is spent in a not-so-good-place in your thoughts and feelings. And much of that will have come about due to external circumstances. Once you realize the high percentage of time spent there, you can begin to incorporate the thought that you can actually choose how to react no matter what the external circumstances. There are many articles related to this matter on this blog as well as on my website. And when this thought becomes part of your inner dialogue - although, at this stage, your awareness muscles are still very weak - you will begin to notice some changes. And with that you are on your way to a life that resembles the one you lived before developing awareness muscles as much as night resembles day. This is a choice you can make.


For much more about becoming aware, about your thoughts and feelings, and about choosing to make decisons based on conscious awareness in order to enhance not only your daily life but also your inner well-being, have a look at my book Rewiring the Soul: Finding the Possible Self, available at Amazon as a paperback or e-book for Kindle and all Kindle applications.

Click here to download the first chapter.

Reviews From the Back Cover:

A revelation of insight into the foundations of human suffering & transcendence. It not only lays out essential steps for inner freedom & joy but illuminates the way to true human potential. Dr. Kortsch is a spiritual master for our time. Paul Rademacher, Executive Director, The Monroe Institute; author: A Spiritual Hitchhiker's Guide to the Universe

"The masterwork of a profoundly gifted healer of the soul. Dazzling, challenging, wondrously useful." Peggy Rubin, Director, Center for Sacred Theatre, Ashland, Oregon; author: To Be and How To Be, Transforming Your Life Through Sacred Theatre

"The instruction manual on rewiring the soul. An in-depth guide on life, love, spiritual evolution & our integration within the universe." Michael Habernig & April Hannah; Producers: The Path- The Afterlife & The Path 11 Documentaries

"Rewiring the Soul is one the best introductions to the spiritual life I've ever read. Not esoteric but real-world & practical. The implications are profound." Peter Shepherd; Founder Trans4mind.com; author: Daring To Be Yourself

"The human being's directory to the soul. A breakthrough for those seeking practical assistance, those of a more mystical bent & every soul awaiting discovery." Toni Petrinovich, Ph.D.; author: The Call: Awakening the Angelic Human

Thursday, August 23, 2012

Doubt Your Limitations


I love this concept ... doubt your limitations!

The other day a friend mentioned the recession to me. His tone was low, he sounded defeated (and he is in fact, in quite a good position financially). When I encouraged him to speak differently, he admonished me, saying that it is not responsible to not consider the difficulties this recessions brings to most of us on an ongoing basis.

I begged to differ, arguing that concentrating on all these negative thoughts, brought no one any good.
  • Being responsible has nothing to do with thinking dire thoughts about the potentially dire things that could happen.
  • Being responsible does have much to do with taking responsibility for every moment of every day.
  • Being responsible also has much to do with understanding that your inner well being depends on what you do with your emotions and your thoughts.
  • Being responsible further has much to do with recognizing that even when you are in dire circumstances (e.g., cancer diagnosis, bankruptcy, your daughter is an addict, a hurricane is on the way to your city, etc.), you are not being more responsible by spending more time thining about the dire circumstance. Being responsible means doing your due diligence, brain storming, trying to find solutions, but then letting the matter be until the next day.
If your thoughts go to your limitations, and the limitations of your circumstances (currently for many of us the recession), then you will most certainly not be creating inner well being. If your thoughts go towards doubting your limitations, you are on the road to departing from your comfort zone, to growth, to expansion, and to thinking out of the box. That is being responsible.

Doubt your limitations.

For much more about raising your self esteem and loving the self and about making healthy and self-loving choices, have a look at my book Rewiring the Soul: Finding the Possible Self (paperback or e-book).

To download the first chapter, click here

From the Description on Amazon: Ask anyone, whatever their circumstances, if their life is vibrant, fulfilling, harmonious and happy. An honest reply is likely to be 'no', because to answer a truthful 'yes' is no mean feat. Only to grow psychologically and emotionally is not enough. And only to grow spiritually is not enough either. All three dimensions need to be developed in order to realize your full potential. If you are willing to assume total responsibility for the self and to start what is an on-going journey, you will quickly begin to glimpse the first fruits of the ultimate goal: inner well-being, freedom, peace, harmony and joy. This book sets out the pathway to self-mastery and self-discovery and walking that pathway will be the most exciting adventure of your life.

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

When Will You Decide to Forgive?


"Never!", say some. "I can't", say others. "How can I?" says another group. "What was done to me was just too terrible to be forgiven", say most.

Let's examine that last statement. Without a doubt whatever it was that was done to you was bad. We can't change that. Child abuse, child neglect, abandonment, betrayal, domestic violence, false promises - the list goes on and on, and all of us have a story to tell. But if you agree that what happened in the past cannot be changed, you're on the right track.

But now you say: "It can't be changed, but it was so terrible, that I will never - in my whole life - be able to forgive the person that did that to me." Now with this statement you are indicating that you're looking at the whole business of forgiving from a mistaken place. You are looking at it as though forgiving is for the other person. If you forgive that person, he/she will feel better.

That is simply wrong. Not the bit about that person feeling better - they might, or they might not, but the issue here is YOU. You're the one who needs to feel better because of what was done to you. The other person has to take care of their own matters. You're not responsible for making them feel better, but you are responsible for making yourself feel better.

And that is where forgiving comes into the picture. You see, forgiving is for you. If you forgive someone who has done something to you, something that hurt you, you are the one who will reap the benefit. The energy  that connects you to the bad thing, action, event, will have been switched off in the process of forgiving. So when thoughts about the event come up again, your inner state of being will no longer react in fury, pain, or despair, but will - in time - become totally neutral about it. Admittedly, this is not an immediate process. Forgiving is something that takes place over time, and not from one moment to the next, but forgiving has to do with your intention to forgive, and then, each time thoughts about what was done to you arise, you once again affirm to yourself that your intention is to forgive ... in order to become free, and because you love yourself enough to do this.


For much more about forgiving, relationships, and choosing to make decisons based on conscious awareness in order to enhance not only your daily life but also your inner well-being, have a look at my book Rewiring the Soul: Finding the Possible Self, available at Amazon as a paperback or e-book for Kindle and all Kindle applications.

Click here to download the first chapter.

Reviews From the Back Cover:

A revelation of insight into the foundations of human suffering & transcendence. It not only lays out essential steps for inner freedom & joy but illuminates the way to true human potential. Dr. Kortsch is a spiritual master for our time. Paul Rademacher, Executive Director, The Monroe Institute; author: A Spiritual Hitchhiker's Guide to the Universe

"The masterwork of a profoundly gifted healer of the soul. Dazzling, challenging, wondrously useful." Peggy Rubin, Director, Center for Sacred Theatre, Ashland, Oregon; author: To Be and How To Be, Transforming Your Life Through Sacred Theatre

"The instruction manual on rewiring the soul. An in-depth guide on life, love, spiritual evolution & our integration within the universe." Michael Habernig & April Hannah; Producers: The Path- The Afterlife & The Path 11 Documentaries

"Rewiring the Soul is one the best introductions to the spiritual life I've ever read. Not esoteric but real-world & practical. The implications are profound." Peter Shepherd; Founder Trans4mind.com; author: Daring To Be Yourself

"The human being's directory to the soul. A breakthrough for those seeking practical assistance, those of a more mystical bent & every soul awaiting discovery." Toni Petrinovich, Ph.D.; author: The Call: Awakening the Angelic Human

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

How Important Is It To Remember That Bad Thing That Was Done To You?




You were lied to, you weren't invited, you were ignored, you were betrayed, you were humiliated, you were abandoned, you were laughed at, you weren't accepted, you were considered lacking, you felt left out and defeated.

Some, if not all of these things have happened to most of us. They certainly don't feel good. Thinking about them feels almost as bad as when they were occurring. And then thinking about them a long time later, especially if you feel that what happened was very important, it still feels nearly as bad as when they were occurring. Therefore, thanks to your thoughts, you willingly (you do choose your own thoughts, don't you?) go through the experience over and over again.

But if you decide, as soon as you can after the event that you will no longer give it energy by thinking about it, then you don't have to go through all of the above over and over again. It doesn't mean that what happened is OK, nor does it mean that it was in any way or fashion good, but it does mean that you can choose to let it leave your memory in a conscious way by being aware of the fact that loving yourself and being accountable to yourself about your inner well-being implies letting go of that which no longer serves you. Confucius said: To be wronged is nothing unless you continue to remember it.

For much more about loving the self and about making healthy and self-loving choices, have a look at my book Rewiring the Soul: Finding the Possible Self (paperback or e-book).

To download the first chapter, click here

From the Description on Amazon: Ask anyone, whatever their circumstances, if their life is vibrant, fulfilling, harmonious and happy. An honest reply is likely to be 'no', because to answer a truthful 'yes' is no mean feat. Only to grow psychologically and emotionally is not enough. And only to grow spiritually is not enough either. All three dimensions need to be developed in order to realize your full potential. If you are willing to assume total responsibility for the self and to start what is an on-going journey, you will quickly begin to glimpse the first fruits of the ultimate goal: inner well-being, freedom, peace, harmony and joy. This book sets out the pathway to self-mastery and self-discovery and walking that pathway will be the most exciting adventure of your life.

Monday, August 20, 2012

Does Your Life Really Belong To You?



Consider this: when you want to do something you've never done before, what is the first thing you think about? Or when you dream about doing something no one in your group of friends does, what is the first thing you think? When you want to do something that you know your friends and family would consider strange, what is the first thing you think? And when you want to do something that you know your friends and family would disapprove of, what is the first thing you think?

How about when you want to say something that goes against what most of the people you spend time with? What is the first thing you think before you actually decide whether you will say it or not? It doesn't have to be religion or politics, it might be about another way of eating, or another way of raising children, or another way of simply living the small details of your life.

Isn't it true that so many of our decisions are based on what others will think? And if that is so, who does your life really belong to you? Because from where I'm sitting, it does not belong to you.

For much more about becoming aware of the self, and choosing to make decisons based on that awareness in order to enhance not only your daily life but also your inner well-being, have a look at my book Rewiring the Soul: Finding the Possible Self, available at Amazon as a paperback or e-book for Kindle and all Kindle applications.

Click here to download the first chapter.

Reviews From the Back Cover:

A revelation of insight into the foundations of human suffering & transcendence. It not only lays out essential steps for inner freedom & joy but illuminates the way to true human potential. Dr. Kortsch is a spiritual master for our time. Paul Rademacher, Executive Director, The Monroe Institute; author: A Spiritual Hitchhiker's Guide to the Universe

"The masterwork of a profoundly gifted healer of the soul. Dazzling, challenging, wondrously useful." Peggy Rubin, Director, Center for Sacred Theatre, Ashland, Oregon; author: To Be and How To Be, Transforming Your Life Through Sacred Theatre

"The instruction manual on rewiring the soul. An in-depth guide on life, love, spiritual evolution & our integration within the universe." Michael Habernig & April Hannah; Producers: The Path- The Afterlife & The Path 11 Documentaries

"Rewiring the Soul is one the best introductions to the spiritual life I've ever read. Not esoteric but real-world & practical. The implications are profound." Peter Shepherd; Founder Trans4mind.com; author: Daring To Be Yourself

"The human being's directory to the soul. A breakthrough for those seeking practical assistance, those of a more mystical bent & every soul awaiting discovery." Toni Petrinovich, Ph.D.; author: The Call: Awakening the Angelic Human

Friday, August 17, 2012

In Praise of the Self


Praising the self has kind of a bad rap. It smacks - or so insist many - of pride, egotism, perhaps even selfishness. And so we often learn - and possibly at a very young age - to abstain from praising the self. Or if we do, we feel guilty. And of course if we don't praise the self, how can we possibly love the self?

Let's focus for a moment on a young mother or father. Their 11-month-old baby is just barely beginning to attempt the move from his hands and knees to his pudgy little legs. He grabs on to the furniture, to his mother's dress, to his father's trousers, all in an attempt to raise himself to his feet. And what happens? He is given praise. His parents are beside themselves with pride and joy about his accomplishment. The baby feels good about himself. And in part because of all the applause and the inner feeling of confidence that comes with it, as well as with his own inner feeling good about himself, he soon succeeds in his endeavour and before you know it, he's running, then he's on a tricycle, and then on a bike off to school.

Simple analogy, but something for you to consider deeply. Praising the self is not selfish, nor is it about an unhealthy or bad pride. Praising the self comes from love of the self. Love of the self is not something that should be eradicated from the character. Quite the contrary: love of the self is one of the most, if not the most life-giving and health-supporting thing you can do for yourself.

So go ahead: look at your past and make a list of all those things you have done that make you proud. Perhaps not something that will appear in the Wall Street Journal, or even the local paper. But things that have given you pride in yourself and that have caused you to like and love that one that you are just a bit more. Look at that list often. It is so infinitely more important to examine the list at length than it is to examine your problems. Healthy self-love and pride of self are furthermore the gateways to compassion and love for all others.

What are you proud about today? And how are you loving yourself today?


For much more about loving the self, and about the self-transformational process - both in your outer life in the world, and in your inner life with your connection to your inner, divine self, have a look at my book Rewiring the Soul: Finding the Possible Self (paperback or e-book).

To download the first chapter, click here

From the Description on Amazon: Ask anyone, whatever their circumstances, if their life is vibrant, fulfilling, harmonious and happy. An honest reply is likely to be 'no', because to answer a truthful 'yes' is no mean feat. Only to grow psychologically and emotionally is not enough. And only to grow spiritually is not enough either. All three dimensions need to be developed in order to realize your full potential. If you are willing to assume total responsibility for the self and to start what is an on-going journey, you will quickly begin to glimpse the first fruits of the ultimate goal: inner well-being, freedom, peace, harmony and joy. This book sets out the pathway to self-mastery and self-discovery and walking that pathway will be the most exciting adventure of your life.

Thursday, August 16, 2012

Stress Is Not the Enemy



All your life you've heard how important it is to eat healthy and exercise. But you know how it goes ... you figure there's always time to do it later, and so you continue in your somewhat-less-than-healthy ways and eat things that contain too many chemicals and too many calories and you don't exercise. I mean, life is meant to be fun, right?

So you are planning to have a BBQ at your house this weekend. You went shopping, but since you live out in the country, you have to drive into town. You are expecting quite a few guests, and hence have a great deal of meat and ice cream in your car. As you drive home, your car stalls. It won't start again. And you realize you forgot to charge your mobile, so you can't make any calls. And it's a pretty deserted country road with no traffic. Now what?

You decide to take the food that needs refrigeration out of the car and begin walking in the direction of your home, about seven miles. It's a very hot and humid Texan mid-day. Your strength gives out after a couple of miles. You can't handle the weight of the bags and you particularly can't handle the weight combined with the unaccustomed exercise. Your arms are burning from the weight, your legs are burning from the exercise, and your lungs are aching.

Clearly you understand that in this instance the specific circumstances (stalled car and dead cell phone) are not your enemy, right? Your enemy is your lack of fitness and stamina and health.

When we talk about stress it is similar analogy. If you never practice any relaxation techniques when the going is good, you will not be able to implement them when the going gets rough. You need to have developed those muscles if you want them to work at the times that you need them.

Practice some gratitude exercises, practice the mindfulness walk, practice awareness, and you will see how your neural pathways begin to shift and change in your favour.


For much more about using gratitude, mindfulness, and awareness in order to enhance not only your daily life but also your inner well-being, have a look at my book Rewiring the Soul: Finding the Possible Self, available at Amazon as a paperback or e-book for Kindle and all Kindle applications.

Click here to download the first chapter.

Reviews From the Back Cover:

A revelation of insight into the foundations of human suffering & transcendence. It not only lays out essential steps for inner freedom & joy but illuminates the way to true human potential. Dr. Kortsch is a spiritual master for our time. Paul Rademacher, Executive Director, The Monroe Institute; author: A Spiritual Hitchhiker's Guide to the Universe

"The masterwork of a profoundly gifted healer of the soul. Dazzling, challenging, wondrously useful." Peggy Rubin, Director, Center for Sacred Theatre, Ashland, Oregon; author: To Be and How To Be, Transforming Your Life Through Sacred Theatre

"The instruction manual on rewiring the soul. An in-depth guide on life, love, spiritual evolution & our integration within the universe." Michael Habernig & April Hannah; Producers: The Path- The Afterlife & The Path 11 Documentaries

"Rewiring the Soul is one the best introductions to the spiritual life I've ever read. Not esoteric but real-world & practical. The implications are profound." Peter Shepherd; Founder Trans4mind.com; author: Daring To Be Yourself

"The human being's directory to the soul. A breakthrough for those seeking practical assistance, those of a more mystical bent & every soul awaiting discovery." Toni Petrinovich, Ph.D.; author: The Call: Awakening the Angelic Human

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

The Voice in Your Head



No, you're not schizophrenic, nor are you psychotic. Nor am I. We all have a voice in our heads. In some instances it's the voice of a judgemental or critical parent who may be very much alive, or who may have died decades ago. But the voice persists. In other instances it's a negative, worrying voice that may not have a particular origin in a specific person in our childhood, but nevertheless, it's a pervasive voice that keeps us in control with its thoughts of stress, worry or defeat. Other voices speak to us of the impossibility of forgiving the unforgiveable, of the undeniable right we have of continuing to wallow in the pain of our past wounds, or of the clear fact that because we were born into this family, this circumstance, or this country, it is impossible for us to achieve this or that.

So what exactly is this voice? Quite simply, it is our thoughts. What can we do to change this voice? The very first step to take, is to become conscious of our thoughts. And we can easily do that by always paying attention to how we feel. If an individual does not feel good emotionally or psychologically, it is always because of thoughts. Yes, admittedly, something disastrous may have happened, but the thoughts that then follow, are what then determine how you feel. How to change those thoughts is the next part of the process, but first: simply begin to continually pay attention to how you feel. Become aware because as long as you are not aware, you will not be able to change the thoughts that plague you. Practice observing your feelings every day. They will unveil your thoughts to you.

Image: Mural in Cuzco, Peru by Juan Bravo, of the Incas (Quechua people)

For much more about becoming aware of your thoughts and feelings, about your self-talk, and about the self-transformational process - both in your outer life in the world, and in your inner life with your connection to your inner, divine self, have a look at my book Rewiring the Soul: Finding the Possible Self (paperback or e-book).

To download the first chapter, click here

From the Description on Amazon: Ask anyone, whatever their circumstances, if their life is vibrant, fulfilling, harmonious and happy. An honest reply is likely to be 'no', because to answer a truthful 'yes' is no mean feat. Only to grow psychologically and emotionally is not enough. And only to grow spiritually is not enough either. All three dimensions need to be developed in order to realize your full potential. If you are willing to assume total responsibility for the self and to start what is an on-going journey, you will quickly begin to glimpse the first fruits of the ultimate goal: inner well-being, freedom, peace, harmony and joy. This book sets out the pathway to self-mastery and self-discovery and walking that pathway will be the most exciting adventure of your life.

Monday, August 13, 2012

The Hero in You is Bigger Than You



We all know people who are heroes. They are the average, normal people in our daily lives who do the extraordinary. Perhaps they hold three jobs to feed their family, or perhaps they hold only one, but carry on their interaction with the family during normal waking hours after work, and then spend hours every night when everyone else is asleep studying in order to eventually be able to move beyond where they currently are professionally. Perhaps they are host to a terrifying illness in their bodies and yet they march on, with a smile on their faces. Perhaps they feel the mortgage wolf's fangs every month as they juggle accounts in order to be able to make ends meet, but they do not allow the children to see any of their dread. These people are heroes.

These people are heroes because they do these things and don't complain. They simply walk into each day and continue until it is over no matter what. You can find much more about heroes - and how you may also be a hero - in my article: Recognizing the Hero in Your Life. Campbell wrote that a hero is someone who has given his or her life to something bigger than oneself and that makes us think of Gandhi, Mother Teresa, Mandela, Martin Luther King, and people of that nature. Yes, they are truly heroes. But so are these others. The unsung heroes of our everyday lives. Long may they live!

If you are such a hero, give yourself a hug. And if you know of any such heroes in your life, give them a hug or phone them or send them an encouraging email saying that you know how much they do.

Image: Korea

 
For much more about recognizing your true self, about making choices that move you forward in your chosen direction and having meaning and purpose in your life, that enhances your inner well-being, have a look at my book Rewiring the Soul: Finding the Possible Self, available at Amazon as a paperback or e-book for Kindle and all Kindle applications.

Click here to download the first chapter.

Reviews From the Back Cover:

A revelation of insight into the foundations of human suffering & transcendence. It not only lays out essential steps for inner freedom & joy but illuminates the way to true human potential. Dr. Kortsch is a spiritual master for our time. Paul Rademacher, Executive Director, The Monroe Institute; author: A Spiritual Hitchhiker's Guide to the Universe

"The masterwork of a profoundly gifted healer of the soul. Dazzling, challenging, wondrously useful." Peggy Rubin, Director, Center for Sacred Theatre, Ashland, Oregon; author: To Be and How To Be, Transforming Your Life Through Sacred Theatre

"The instruction manual on rewiring the soul. An in-depth guide on life, love, spiritual evolution & our integration within the universe." Michael Habernig & April Hannah; Producers: The Path- The Afterlife & The Path 11 Documentaries

"Rewiring the Soul is one the best introductions to the spiritual life I've ever read. Not esoteric but real-world & practical. The implications are profound." Peter Shepherd; Founder Trans4mind.com; author: Daring To Be Yourself

"The human being's directory to the soul. A breakthrough for those seeking practical assistance, those of a more mystical bent & every soul awaiting discovery." Toni Petrinovich, Ph.D.; author: The Call: Awakening the Angelic Human

Friday, August 10, 2012

Are you on a Detour or on a Dead-end Street?


When something does not turn out the way you wanted it to, the way you had hoped for or aspired to, and hence the process you were undertaking in order to reach a specific goal appears to be a failure, is the message you send yourself one that acknowledges that you merely find yourself on a detour and are still heading towards that goal, or is it one that determines that this failure is a dead-end street?

Your messages to yourself, your estimation of matters as you progress through life, and all the decisions you take with regards to that, will determine whether you fail, or whether you ultimately achieve the success you are looking for.

What messages are you giving yourself today? Are you merely on a detour or is it a dead-end street? Zig Ziglar said: failure is a detour, not a dead-end street.

For much more about goals, self-talk and meaning in your life, about becoming aware and living now, about the self-transformational process - both in your outer life in the world, and in your inner life with your connection to your inner, divine self, have a look at my book Rewiring the Soul: Finding the Possible Self (paperback or e-book).

To download the first chapter, click here

From the Description on Amazon: Ask anyone, whatever their circumstances, if their life is vibrant, fulfilling, harmonious and happy. An honest reply is likely to be 'no', because to answer a truthful 'yes' is no mean feat. Only to grow psychologically and emotionally is not enough. And only to grow spiritually is not enough either. All three dimensions need to be developed in order to realize your full potential. If you are willing to assume total responsibility for the self and to start what is an on-going journey, you will quickly begin to glimpse the first fruits of the ultimate goal: inner well-being, freedom, peace, harmony and joy. This book sets out the pathway to self-mastery and self-discovery and walking that pathway will be the most exciting adventure of your life.

Thursday, August 9, 2012

Did You Take Out the Trash?


Imagine how quickly a home would become disgusting and smell very badly if you didn't take out the trash. Not only that, the stowed garbage inside the house would take up so much room - and very quickly - that it would become exceedingly difficult to find any of the items that are not garbage. You would also feel constricted and compressed and would have a hard time dealing with things.

Now take that one step further to an entire city. It would soon grind to a halt. Remember the scenes you have probably been witness to on television when any of the major cities of the world has faced a garbage strike (NYC comes to mind).

Clearly, taking out the garbage is not something that should be avoided.

The analogy is, of course, what goes on in our heads. Enormous amounts of garbage enter, via unasked-for (and hence unaware) thoughts, meaningless conversations, dumbed-down news programs, stultifying reality shows, books whose quality is so poor that they can't even in all fairness be called 'beach reading', magazines filled with advertisments aimed at making you feel badly about yourself and your appearance so that you will buy into the idea that the product being shown is one that will literally change your life, and so on. So much garbage. So much trash.

Are you taking the trash out of your head?

For much more information about your thoughts, choice, freedom and about living a conscious life, have a look at my book Rewiring the Soul: Finding the Possible Self, available at Amazon as paperback or e-book for Kindle.


Click here to download the first chapter.

A Review (From Amazon):

"The masterwork of a profoundly gifted healer of the soul. Dazzling, challenging, wondrously useful." Peggy Rubin, Director, Center for Sacred Theatre, Ashland, Oregon; author: To Be and How To Be, Transforming Your Life Through Sacred Theatre

Excerpt from an Interview:

Who is the book written for? Rewiring the Soul is written for anybody who suffers and I guess that means just about all of us! It is written for anybody who has not yet experienced enduring happiness and inner well-being; anybody who is reaching for inner peace; anybody whose life is not as they would wish it to be.

What can a reader expect to gain by reading this book? What makes it different from most other transformational or self-help books out there? So many wonderful teachers tell us about working on our spiritual selves. So many other wonderful teachers show us how to work on our psycho-emotional selves. But very few actually integrate the two. And Rewiring the Soul is my response to that challenge. Rewiring the Soul brings together the need to take your daily life in hand with the need to put your spiritual life in order as well. By daily life I mean your personal life, your professional life, the way you do or do not love yourself and all that such an attitude entails: conscious awareness, healthy boundaries, meaning in your life, recognizing you always have a choice, and taking responsibility for all your choices, etc., and by spiritual life I mean the inner connection to your eternal self.

If you have learned how to meditate, or do yoga, or whatever it is that you do, have you also learned how to observe yourself in the middle of an argument with your rebellious teenage son or your angry partner and hence choose to react differently because you have learned to love yourself enough to do so? If you have learned how to communicate more effectively with your children, spouse, friends, colleagues or employees, have you also learned how to be mindful and connect to yourself in meaningful ways to achieve that spiritual balance in your life?

While Rewiring the Soul is about so much more than that, those previous examples give an idea of what my book is about and how it does so in such a way that our psychological and spiritual selves nurture each other.

In a nutshell: neither the spiritual nor the psychological or emotional dimensions of your life will work if you neglect:
  • your inner connection to the eternal self while you seek happiness in the outer world
  • your happiness in the outer world while you seek the connection to the inner eternal self

It was Goethe who said "If everyone will sweep in front of their own door, soon the entire world will be clean". In Rewiring the Soul 'sweeping in front of your own door' means bringing yourself to the utmost point of inner and outer growth, creating progress in body, mind, and soul. This literally means that you have already begun to change the world because of how you are changing yourself.

Are there many exercises in the book? Not at all. This book does not mean hard work, or spending a lot of time doing specific things. It simply means that as you read - if you so desire - you begin to incorporate small changes into your daily life. And so it begins. And the quality of your life changes...

How did you come to write this book? For years the essential content of Rewiring the Soul was like a small, recurring voice in my head; it was always there, and simply would not leave me alone. I had dozens of excuses for not writing it: I was working on my Ph.D. in psychology, I was teaching at a state university, I had three sons, later I was occupied with moving back to Spain, I was setting up my private practice, I had a monthly newsletter to write in English and Spanish, I had a weekly one-hour radio show to broadcast, I had a daily blog post to write, I facilitated numerous workshops and gave frequent speeches, and apart from all of this busy activity and work, sometimes I even had a life. In short, I told myself the book would simply have to wait. But just as a splinter under your skin eventually needs to be seen to, I ultimately realized that the only way I was going to be able to honor the more and more loudly clamoring voice in my head - and heart - was to sit down and write the book.

And you know, that goes to meaning. We all need meaning in our lives, and although I had many things that gave much significance to my life already, the inner urging and excitement I felt each time I thought about Rewiring the Soul compelled me to write the book. Rumi puts it beautifully: "When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy".

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

When Your Partner No Longer Makes You Happy: 3 Survival Tips



It always seems to happen after a time, doesn't it? What starts out as sheer and utter bliss, becomes routine or much less, and one of the consequences is that your partner simply no longer makes you happy the way he/she did at the beginning.

So now what can you do?

  1. Communicate: As logical as it seems, talking is simply not one of those things many couples do when things start on the downward spiral. Or at least, they don't do it well. The issue is frequently that both partners believe that the downward spiral is the fault of the other, and so the 'talk' they do have is filled with blaming or accusations, or at the very least, guilt trips and other emotional manipulation, and so nothing is truly resolved in the talking because one or the other is always made to feel bad for their behavior or their perceived lack of something by the partner. Here are some ideas on how to better communicate:
    1. Address issues when they are fresh: don't let them linger. If one of you is hurt or angry or upset for any reason whatsoever, the issue should be discussed. The person who is upset is not necessarily right, nor is the other one necessarily right. What is important is the freedom to talk about it openly, putting both sides on the table and attempting to find a win-win solution that works for both. Some version of a win-win solution should almost always be possible. It simply means that both sides are willing to concede a point in order to leave the table with an amicable solution. On other occasions you may need to agree to disagree (see below), and sometimes using the scale of 1-10 (see below) might be helpful.
    2. Understand the meaning of healthy boundaries, discuss them and begin to implement them together. Above all, be careful about letting resentment enter your partnership if one of you is overstepping boundaries and the other has unhealthy boundaries because such resentment is ultimately poisonous for the relationship. Understand that both of you have an issue.      
    3. Be consciously aware and not blindly reactive in your reactions with your partner. Essentially this means that as long as you react impulsively when your buttons get pushed, as opposed to giving yourself a moment to choose a reaction that is good for you and good for the occasion, you will tend to bring your communication to a dysfunctional halt.
    4. Allow yourself to be vulnerable. People that don't do this tend to be afraid of standing emotionally naked before their partner. Hence they hold back many emotions, the consequence of which is, of course, that many avenues of exploration and communication with the partner remain blocked. Bringing up emotions, even if you find it difficult, is not only healthy for the relationship, but also for the person him or herself who finds it difficult to do this.
    5. Agree to disagree and learn how not to 'need' to be right. Taking your ego's needs out of the equation is a recipe for much success in a relationship. This does not mean you are to lie down and become a doormat, but that you need to ask yourself how much of your need to be right in  given situation with your partner is an ego question or is simply not important. Obviously the more both of you understand this principle and adhere to it, the more both of you will contribute to the blooming health of your partnership.
    6. Use the 'on a scale of 1-10' method for joining in activities you might find less than exciting. If your partner thrills to opera or can't wait to see the horse races, or if your partner loves football or bird watching, theatre or deep sea fishing, you might decide to do some of these activities separately as below in the point two, or, if you have a free afternoon that you actually want to spend together, and one prefers the action movie and the other prefers the romantic one, it might be a simple thing to ask: on a scale of 1-10, how important is it for you to do this? Depending on the answer, you will see which of the two is more invested in their particular choice, and assuming that this will be a two-way street on future occasions, you could then go ahead and participate in the activity of the partner with a higher rating on the afore-mentioned scale.
    7. Make a point of using dinner for daily communication - but not about issues or problems. Sit down at the table without the TV in the background (or foreground) for those 15-30 minutes that dinner takes and communicate with one another. Use that time to connect. Make it a habit!
  2. Open windows and doors to allow more 'fresh air' to enter the relationship: What I am calling 'fresh air' simply means that which the couple undertakes both together and separately: interests, activities, hobbies, friendships, etc. Just as too much of this 'fresh air' is not healthy for the relationship, so is not enough of it bad for the health of the relationship. You need to spend time together, but just as importantly, you need to spend time apart.
    1. Common activities and friendships: To have mutual friends and common interests and activities is evidently of paramount importance in a relationship.
    2. Separate activities and friendships: However, to also have separate friendships, interests, and activities is also of paramount importance in a relationship. This allows both partners to take in fresh air and bring this fresh air into their mutual contact and communication. If partners are clinging to each other for all their social activities and interests, the relationship will soon wither and stagnate, and even though people might stay together for decades or even a lifetime, the process of stagnation will have affected the quality of the relationship in ways that only become apparent when one of them 'suddenly' decides they can't take it anymore and announce they are leaving.
    3. Life meaning (for both): This is as essential to each of the partners and by extension to the relationship, as oxygen is to our bodies. I cannot underline enough how important it is for every individual to have a meaning in their life, no matter what that meaning is. This meaning should not depend on another human being, but should emanate from yourself. It should bring you joy and satisfaction and serve as a support for you when life is difficult.
  3. Recognize that your happiness is your own responsibility: This point is by far the most important one. As long as one or the other partner believes that their happiness is the responsibility of the other or lies in the hands of the other, the relationship will surely eventually slide down the slippery slope to failure. In order to implement such knowledge into your life, you will need to become very conscious and aware of all you think and do, and how you act and react at all times. This is not tremendously difficult, but does require some practice.