So here are some tips:
- Practice being conscious and aware: as simple as it sounds, it is nevertheless something most people don't do. Or at least, they only do it occasionally when it happens - so to say - all by itself. What I mean by being conscious and aware is simply that as things happen to you in your life, during the course of your weeks, your days, your hours and your minutes, you remain aware of yourself at all time.
- If someone is angy at you, be fully aware of your inner reaction. If you are, you will not go reactive, i.e., you will not have a blind reaction in face of the buttons that that person pushed.
- If someone praises you, be fully aware of your inner reaction. If you are, you will recognize that the praise has made you feel good. You may feel warmth towards the other person. But you will also be able to understand that this good feeling should not depend on the other person praising you, but should come from you for you - if not all the time, then at least a good portion of the time.
- If you are given a diagnosis of cancer or some other dread disease, be fully aware of your inner reaction. If you are, you will not go reaction, i.e., you will not have a blind reaction in the face of the potential fear and worry that the diagnosis provoked in you. Yes, you will recognize those feelings, but you will not allow them to take over your inner state because you will remain aware and put the next tips into practice.
- In the example of someone being angry at you, you will assume responsibility for your reaction to the other person's anger, their words, their action. Careful: you are not making yourself responsible for their words, actions, etc., nor are you making yourself responsible for making them understand how wrong (or one-sided, or prejudiced or unfair) their behaviour is, nor are you making yourself responsible for how to change them. You are only responsible for yourself in all these matters. For yourself and how you react.
- In the example of being praised, you again will assume responsibility for your reaction to the praise. Perhaps you will take on board the fact that you crave such praise and seek it under any circumstance. That would be the time to begin to make yourself repsonsible for giving yourself praise from the inside instead of needing it form the outside, and therefore that would be the place to begin to show yourself more love and acceptance.