WELCOME TO THIS BLOG


"A revelation of insight into the foundations of human suffering & transcendence. It not only lays out essential steps for inner freedom and joy but illuminates the way to true human potential." Paul Rademacher, author: A Spiritual Hitchhiker's Guide to the Universe

"The masterwork of a profoundly gifted healer of the soul. Dazzling, challenging, wondrously useful." Peggy Rubin, author: To Be and How To Be, Transforming Your Life Through Sacred Theatre

"Rewiring the Soul is one the best introductions to the spiritual life I've ever read. Not esoteric but real-world and practical. The implications are profound." Peter Shepherd, author: Daring To Be Yourself

Monday, October 31, 2011

We Are All One


Over the past 10 days or so I've had the good fortune to be swamped with a number of pieces of information that all converged in one main statement, which is the title of today's piece: We Are All One. They were, in no particular order:
  • the movie Oranges and Sunshine about the thousands of children who were illegally deported to Australia and other parts of the Commonwealth from the UK in the 50's, 60's and 70's. In many instances they were told their parents had died when they had not, and when, years later they attempted to find their roots back in the UK, they were stymied, until a very courageous social worker margaret Humphries - and this is what the movie is mainly about - discovers the entire malodorous situation and attempts to remedy the plight of these seemingly rootless adults.
  • the TED talk by author Isabel Allende titled Tales of Passion in which she discusses gender inequality and the plight of poor and uneducated women across the globe.
  • the BBC documentary Spain's Stolen Children, the DW-TV report, and the report by Journeyman TV about the same subject, in which the unspeakable story of thousands of children who were literally stolen from their parents at birth in Spain during the 60's, 70's and 80's by telling them that the child had died, and then 'selling' said child to adoptive parents, as well as other, earlier tales, of children who were taken from their parents for ideological reasons during the Franco régime and also given to adoptive parents.
  • the CNN documentary Not My Life, narrated by Glenn Close, about human trafficking and slavery, in particular about those most hit by it: poor, uneducated women and children, but not only in third-world countries, but documented in North America and Europe as well
  • the work of Somaly Mam, the Cambodian anti-sex trafficking campaigner and founder of AFESIP, rescuing women from brothels, of whom I heard in the Allende talk listed here. Her book The Road of Lost Innocence: The True Story of a Cambodian Heroine tells the stroy of her life
  • the movie The Fever with Vanessa Redgrave (and a cameo by Angelina Jolie) about a bourgeois woman who - quite late in life - comes to recognize the blithe blindness of her way of living, as she visits an Eastern block country
  • the HBO documentary about Gloria Steinem's life: Gloria - In Her Own Words, which portrays, as you can imagine, much of the second chapter of the women's movement, equal rights, abortion, etc.
  • the movie Red Dust with Hilary Swank about the Truth and Reconciliation Commission in South Africa after the collapse of the apartheid régime, that tells the story of human pain and suffering, and ultimately the possibility of overcoming it by the power of forgiving
  • and finally, the Occupy Wall Street movement that is now - as most of us know - not restricted to the USA, but totally global (this was not one of the items that only came to me in the last 10 days, but has coincided - in its spectacular world-wide growth - with all the other items on this list)
As all these pieces came into my life - serendipitously (with the exception of the last one) - with all their horror, pain, tragedy, outrage and suffering, I had to ask myself: what can I do? And then I read a quotation from the Buddha that I have read many times before:

"If there is light in the soul, there is beauty in the person. If there is beauty in the person,
there will be harmony in the house. If there is harmony in the house,
there will be order in the nation. If there is order in the nation,
there will be peace in the world."

It's really quite simple, isn't it? We all have to find our inner light and let it shine.

So I decided to start the weekly Live Your Best Life * support group. If you click on the link, you'll be able to read about it. Finding our inner light and letting it shine is what each of us can do to make the world a better place. It HAS to start with each one of us, it can't be any other way. You can do this. I can do it. We can all do it. And the more that do, the more the world will change.


* The name of the group must have been hibernating in my subconscious mind, as I now realize it is the same name Oprah gave to something ... sorry! :-) 


For much more about finding your inner light, about the fact that we are all one (the book has an entire chapter dedicated to this subject), about being aware of your thoughts and feelings, how you react to others and how you love yourself, as well as about choosing to seek your inner well-being above all, in order that you may have a ripple effect on all those who come in contact with you, get my book Rewiring the Soul: Finding the Possible Self, available at Amazon as a paperback or e-book for Kindle and all Kindle applications. Click here to download the first chapter.

Description of the Book:

Ask anyone, whatever their circumstances, if their life is vibrant, fulfilling, harmonious and happy. An honest reply is likely to be 'no', because to answer a truthful 'yes' is no mean feat. Only to grow psychologically and emotionally is not enough. And only to grow spiritually is not enough either. All three dimensions need to be developed in order to realize your full potential. If you are willing to assume total responsibility for the self and to start what is an on-going journey, you will quickly begin to glimpse the first fruits of the ultimate goal: inner well-being, freedom, peace, harmony and joy. This book sets out the pathway to self-mastery and self-discovery and walking that pathway will be the most exciting adventure of your life.

A Review From the Back Cover:

"Rewiring the Soul is one the best introductions to the spiritual life I've ever read. Not esoteric but real-world and practical. Read it and Soul is no longer just a dogma, nor hypothesis, it is made real and as much a part of your being as your toes. We usually shut off our inner voice, yet by recognizing this aspect of ourselves we begin to discover our essential nature, our intuitive truth, and that becomes our loving guide. The author illustrates the limitations of living only as the mind's Ego, and demonstrates in practical terms how we can transcend this by awakening a conscious viewpoint, following the path of our intuition and feelings, no longer separated from our body and the reality around us, and integrating at last our Soul's inner guidance and wellspring of love. The implications are profound." PETER SHEPHERD; Founder Trans4mind - www.trans4mind.com; author, Daring To Be Yourself




Wednesday, October 26, 2011

LIVE YOUR BEST LIFE !

Group Meetings to Support Your Growth & Well-Being:

LIVE YOUR BEST LIFE!

We all deserve to live our best life. We all deserve joy, peace, happiness, and inner freedom. So why are each of us not living our best lives and experiencing all these things? Schools teach us how to read and write, they teach us about math, geography and history, but they do not teach us about life and how to live it. Sometimes our parents do, but most often, they do not. This support group is designed to change that.

Are you experiencing any of the following in your life?

  • Relationship breakdown or stress
  • Financial stress
  • Major illness (you or a close family member)
  • Poor communication with your parents or offspring
  • Worry and desperation due to:
    • Fear of aging
    • Unfulfilling life
    • Depression
    • Loneliness 
    • Boredom 
    • Desire for change
    • Lack of progress and success
On Wednesday, November 2nd, a new kind of local support group will begin meeting weekly. What is new is that it is not focused on any one given problem, but that precisely because it focuses on growth and well-being, this group literally addresses any problem. The path that leads to inner and outer peace and well-being is a path that serves you no matter what kind of situation you are facing.

You will not be expected to divulge personal details at any time unless you wish. The group meeting will begin at 7:30 and last until 9 pm. For the first 30 – 40 minutes I will present the topic of the week, and then there will be a general discussion in order to facilitate the understanding of the methods by which the tools that have been discussed may be incorporated into your life … beginning immediately.

If you wish to participate, you may come to any of the meetings - and although it is recommended that you attend as many as possible, simply because each is designed to further you along that road to inner and outer peace, joy, and well-being - there is, however, no minimum attendance requirement.

Meetings will be not be announced by email (other than this first general announcement), but information will be available every Thursday (for the meeting on the following Wednesday):

There is a per-meeting participation fee of 10 Euros. Please bring exact change. (Please contact me privately if cost is an issue).

Please do your utmost to arrive punctually between 7:10 and 7:30 prior to the beginning of the meeting. Coming later than this time will interrupt the flow of the group. The venue is Edificio Iiwi-A-25, Calle 25, Guadalmina Alta (close to Cable Ski in Guadalmina and Passion Café in San Pedro). If you need directions, please send an email.

NOTE:
If you wish to participate in any given meeting, please RSVP before Tuesday 9 pm prior to the Wednesday meeting you wish to attend at info@advancedpersonaltherapy.com If you subsequently need to change your plans, please also let me know in order to give your place to another person as seating is limited.

SCHEDULE of TOPICS

November 2011 - July 2012:

Nov. 2     Thoughts: Do They Control You? Can You Control Them?
Nov. 9     Your Comfort Zone
Nov. 16   Unhealthy Boundaries: Are They Making Your Life Impossible?
Nov. 23   Freedom From Jealousy
Nov. 30   Dealing With Your Own Anger

Dec. 14    Controlling Others
           
2012

Jan. 11     Worry: Some Methods to Deal with It
Jan. 18     When Sex Dies in a Relationship
Jan. 25     Happiness: How to Achieve it Daily

Feb. 1       Coming to Grips with Emotional Pain
Feb. 8       Guilt
Feb. 15     Creating Better Relationships with Our Children
Feb. 22     Why Awareness of the Self is so Important
Feb. 29     Learning to Communicate

Mar. 7      Using Your Emotions to Achieve Greater Freedom
Mar. 14    Beginning to Learn How to Live in the Now
Mar. 21    Finding Meaning in Your Life
Mar. 28    Co-creating & Planning Our Lives

Apr. 11     Acquiring the Habit of Joy
Apr. 18     Looking at Your Addictions (We ALL have Them!)
April 25    Why Do We Complain?

May 2       Our 3 Brains: Learning to Use All of Them
May 9       Using Failure Positively (In Any Area of Life)
May 16     Steps To Loving the Self
May 23     The Emotional Vampires in Our Lives
May 30     Learning to Forgive

June 6       What is the Truth You Tell Yourself?
June 13     Learning From the Blame Game
June 20     The Mirrors in Your Life
June 27     Bless You! (Learning to Be Compassionate)






Monday, October 24, 2011

Listen to Your Gut! (Part 2)


In my last post here, Listen to Your Gut Part 1, you read about the clenching you feel in your gut when someone does or says something that is not acceptable, but you do nothing about it. Remember the hypothetical situation I described of a friend having blown you off for a dinner you were meant to have and you - although you did not like what they were doing - saying nothing?

So I ended that post indicating that if you do not want to let yourself down, it is imperative that you learn how to react in situations where others do or say something you find unacceptable, and that you understand what their different reactions to you (assuming you now let them know you find it unacceptable) may mean as well.

First of all: when you feel the clenching, take it to be a message from yourself through that second brain you have in your gut (also see Introducing Our Second and Third Brains: We Do Think With Our Heart and Instinct ), that it is absolutely essential that you do something about it. As stated in Part 1 of this article, if you do nothing when you have that very physical feeling, you are letting yourself down. It is tantamount to saying to yourself on this subliminal level, that you are not worth it; that you do not respect yourself enough to do it, and more importantly, that you do not love yourself enough to do it. What do you think a lifetime of giving yourself that message, does to yourself?

Once you have recognized that something needs to be done, understand that this something is based not on you correcting the other person, or becoming angry at the other person, or showing the other person how horrible they are, or how inconsiderate, or changing their way of being, but it is based on you seeing that you care enough about yourself to speak up when an unacceptable thing is being done or said to you. (Please note that if this is a case of domestic violence, this method should not be used). This means that by speaking up about yourself, you will automatically feel better about yourself!

So if you need to speak up without getting angry, it follows that whatever you do say, needs to come from a place of calmness (even though when you begin to do this, your heart will beat in a most frightful fashion, because you will not be accustomed to doing this, and it will provoke fear of rejection by the other in you). From this place of calmness, you can say something along the lines that whatever was just said or done is not acceptable, that it is hurtful, or inconsiderate, and in the example offered in Part 1, it shows you that the other person (who is standing you up), does not value your friendship the same way you do. You also need to give a consequence (albeit a small one, since is the first time you are speaking up about the matter at hand with this particular person), so you might simply say: Please don't do it again. It's not actually a consequence, but you are putting the other person on guard with respect to a repetition of their behavior.

When I explain this to clients, the reaction is frequently one of tension: no, they say, I could never do that. I could not say such words to another person. Then, of course, when I mention that the reason they feel they can't, is because they fear the other's reaction of potential rejection, I point out that this is a long-ingrained habit of allowing others to step on them in unacceptable ways, that is literally eating away at them, and it needs to be conquered in order that they may begin to feel some love for themselves. Conquering it - as conquering anything at all - is a question of tiny step after tiny step. Practice. Intention. Conscious choice.

Having now imagined that this was indeed braved, and said, I then offer several possible reactions on the part of the other. One, of course, is the dreaded rejection, where the 'friend' generally says something in a rather loud or belligerent voice to the tune of what is wrong with you, it's just a dinner, I don't see what you are getting yourself so worked up about and in the meantime you are shriveling up inside because - just as you feared - you are being rejected.

At this point, I then ask the client: And is this really the kind of friend you want? This bears some thinking about. And remember, the friend is reacting this way in part becasue he/she is used to you allowing them to step all over you. You have accustomed them to such behavior.

However, let's assume the other person had a better reaction, and - hand over mouth - says something like: Oh my God, I am so sorry, I don't know what I was thinking. Let me re-arrange matters and let's have dinner after all. Clearly this is another kettle of fish, and not only are you feeling better now because you spoke up, but more importantly, because something has been cleared up between the two of you, perhaps after decades of 'unacceptable' behavior, and you can move forward on a new basis. Further, you have learned that this person is a true friend indeed.

Sadly, as you can imagine, the former reaction is much more typical, at which point your conversation has probably ended. However, despite all this, you may then nevertheless continue in contact with this person, and some months down the road a similar situation ensues. At this point, you really need to refer to the first time you brought it up: we already had a situation like this a couple of months ago, and I asked you not to repeat it. You clearly care much less about our friendship than I do, so I am going to think about this. I'll be in touch when I've reached a conclusion. Once again, you are affirming to yourself that you care enough about yourself to do this, and you are showing the other person, not only that it is indeed unacceptable to treat you this way, but you are now putting a concrete consequence into the equation: don't call me, I'll call you ... once I've thought about this.

This entire situation (illustrated with one very tiny example) and your new behavior will bring you closer to yourself, to an inner connection to yourself and in this process you will be showing yourself that you are on the road to loving yourself in a new and much more healthy way. This is one of the roads to inner well-being.


For much more about loving the self, living consciously, about being aware of your thoughts and feelings, how you react to others and how you love yourself, as well as about choosing to seek your inner well-being above all, in order that you may have a ripple effect on all those who come in contact with you, get my book Rewiring the Soul: Finding the Possible Self, available at Amazon as a paperback or e-book for Kindle and all Kindle applications. Click here to download the first chapter.

A Review From the Back Cover:

"This meticulously researched and crafted book is clearly the masterwork of a profoundly gifted healer of the soul, one who thinks deeply, feels deeply, and cares deeply about the well-being of the world and its humankind. Reading it will change your life; beginning to live actively any of its ideas, principles, and suggestions will transform your life. And bring you safely and joyfully home to your true self, your soul. I found it dazzling, challenging, and wondrously useful." PEGGY RUBIN, Director, Center for Sacred Theatre, Ashland, Oregon; author, To Be and How To Be, Transforming Your Life Through Sacred Theatre."






Photo Credit: Scottchan

Friday, October 21, 2011

Listen To Your Gut!


Imagine I were one of your best friends. And I ring you up and say that I'm going through a really rough patch and need to talk to someone. And I tell you that you are such a good listener and that you give great advice. So could we please have dinner tomorrow night?

You actually have some rather fun plans for tomorrow. However, because I am your good friend, you agree to breaks those plans and see me. You suggest we meet at a restaurant we've been at together in the past at 8:30 pm the following evening.

The next day, at about six in the afternoon, I call you, and tell you that I just ran into Robert, and I remind you about how much I have always been attracted to him, and that he has invited me out to dinner tonight. I say: You don't mind, do you?

Now your mind is churning with thoughts. WHAT??? you think, yesterday you were falling apart and needed to speak to someone and so asked me for time, and you know I broke my own plans to accommodate you, and now you are blowing me off? But, as you are thinking these thoughts, you are also remembering that I am am your very good friend, and so now, the question is: how do you react to what I have just said to you? 

Let me interrupt this post here and explain that this hypothetical situation is one that I often pose to clients. I need to know what their reaction would be in this kind of a situation that happens - as I am confident you will agree - rather more frequently than we might like.

So: how do you react to my announcement that I am going to dinner with Robert and not with you?
(Please do think of your response - or remember the last time you were in a similar situation and how you reacted then - before reading on).

Here's the thing: many, many people respond that while they don't like it, they do in fact say that it's ok and that the other person may go ahead and have dinner with Robert.

So if this had been a test, those of you who answered the way many do, let me assure you that you failed miserably :-). But the reason you failed has to do with the fact that you have let yourself down.

Whenever I pose this hypothetical scenario, I then ask the client: do you not notice that when you are being blown off, and when you allow it, by not saying anything about it, that your gut clenches painfully?. And again, most will tell me - and I am confident that in your case it is also the same - that it does indeed clench painfully. And they will often tell me that this clenching is a well-known feeling.

Let me tell you that this clenching is a message from your body to you. You may also wish to read How Your Thoughts Change Your Body and You've Got Mail ... It's From Your Body. What the clenching is saying is that you need to address this situation. You need to say to the other person that what they are doing is not acceptable.

How you can go about doing this and what the other person's different responses may signify both about them and about you, depending on how you react to those responses, will form part of my next post here on this blog.


For much more about living consciously, about being aware of your thoughts and feelings, how you react to others and how you love yourself, as well as about choosing to seek your inner well-being above all, in order that you may have a ripple effect on all those who come in contact with you, get my book Rewiring the Soul: Finding the Possible Self, available at Amazon as a paperback or e-book for Kindle and all Kindle applications. Click here to download the first chapter.

A Review From the Back Cover:

"Rewiring the Soul is one the best introductions to the spiritual life I've ever read. Not esoteric but real-world and practical. Read it and Soul is no longer just a dogma, nor hypothesis, it is made real and as much a part of your being as your toes. We usually shut off our inner voice, yet by recognizing this aspect of ourselves we begin to discover our essential nature, our intuitive truth, and that becomes our loving guide. The author illustrates the limitations of living only as the mind's Ego, and demonstrates in practical terms how we can transcend this by awakening a conscious viewpoint, following the path of our intuition and feelings, no longer separated from our body and the reality around us, and integrating at last our Soul's inner guidance and wellspring of love. The implications are profound."

PETER SHEPHERD; Founder Trans4mind - www.trans4mind.com; author, Daring To Be Yourself





Photo Credit: Salvatore Vuono


Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Companions That Shape Your Life


John (not his real name, all names in this article have been changed) was recently told he has a tumor. Malignant or benign, he will not know for about three weeks, after a series of tests and the results that they offer. Marguerite was taking her husband’s suits to the cleaners and found a hand-written note – not his handwriting - in the breast pocket of one of the jackets: Your love makes life worth living. Matthew and Lily have just been notified by their bank that unless they pay the overdue mortgage on their home, it will be repossessed by the end of the month. Jennifer had a call from the police this morning. Her son David is in jail for possession of cocaine. Michael got fired yesterday. And William was robbed. Burglars broke into his home while he was away on a brief trip and managed to open the safe where he had six months’ worth of emergency funds and his wife’s jewellery. None of it was insured. Finally, Mariel, a horse trainer, had a car accident, and not only is her car totaled, but because of injuries she sustained, she can not work for at least six weeks and her job only allows her six sick days per annum.

When Life Gets Hard

Such a list of bad luck and hard situations doesn’t exactly make for fun reading. But here is why this is the subject of today’s article: when life serves up the hard bits, the companions we have chosen up to that point in our lives, will shape – at least in part – the manner in which we are able to deal with the problems. They will sustain us and they will help us get through that dark forest to the clearing on the other side. Or not.

Habitual Companions

Here are some of the companions we habitually choose – we spend our precious time with these companions - and because they are habitual, and because we generally choose them long before any of the hard bits in our lives have appeared, they impact our thoughts and behavior in ways that are detrimental instead of uplifting when the more difficult times show up, just as sugar and chemicals in food are detrimental to our bodies and creep up on us until finally one day we realize the body that we have is no longer healthy:
  • Endless television shows that we watch simply because we happened on them, either while channel surfing, or because they were there when we turned on the TV
  • Junk books
  • TV and radio commercials and print advertising, not to mention billboards that encroach on our time and thinking as we drive through the streets (similar to what mindlessly eating sugary treats or salty chips while we watch TV or read, does to our body) 
  • Fashion, gossip, and sports magazines
  • Irate political, sports, and religious commentators on radio or television
  • Conversations consisting to a degree of gossip, or discussion of other people’s lives
  • Conversations consisting to a degree of complaining about something in our lives which we expect the other person to listen to, and vice versa, listening to others complaining about their lives (see also Do Your Relationship Boundaries Contribute to Your Well-Being? )
  • Spending time in thought on endless worrying about problems (see also Controlling Ourselves, Our Lives, and the People in Them)
  • Spending time in thought on endlessly going over and over what someone did to you that you simply can not forgive (see also Can You Forgive?)
  • Spending time in thought about how bored we are, or participating in some of the above activities simply because we are bored (see also Finding a Meaning for Your Life)
  • Socializing with a great amount of alcohol or some other type of substance, meaning that the actual interaction with other individuals is probably not on a level that serves us
  • Socializing with people we are addicted to because of the power they have (see also What Are Your Addictions?) 
  • Shopping until we drop (even if our credit cards are already groaning under a weight of debt)
Nourishment

There’s nothing wrong with all of the above in moderation, but if you were to make a list of all the hours you spend on all of the above activities that apply to you, you might find that when you need another kind of inner back-up, you don’t have it. When life throws us the curve balls, when the floor falls away from under out feet, when unexpected setbacks arrive, frequently what we most have going for us is what we carry around inside with us. What we have nourished ourselves with. Think of a young woman about to get pregnant. It’s logical, we all understand that if she is eating a healthy diet, the body that will become a vessel for the baby will be able to nourish that growing fetus in a much better fashion, than a body that is filling itself with junk food or substances. So it is with us as we prepare ourselves for those moments in life when the going gets rough.

Resilience is required for difficult times. Inner strength is required. Wisdom, trust and faith (not necessarily religious) are required. Belief in yourself is required. Knowing that you can survive will take you a long way. Emulation of others you may admire who have gone through tough times is helpful. Learn about them. Read about them. Be inspired by them. And above all, love yourself (see also Love Yourself First).

Think of this: how much joy have you stored up in your life to get you through difficulties? (see also Do You Dance?) Have you figured out how to live a joyful life no matter what? (See also You are Here to be Happy). How much understanding have you stored? Have you filled yourself with ideas that will see you through? What would you do – inside your head - if you were stranded on a desert island, or if you were placed into solitary confinement? Obviously those things are highly unlikely to happen to the great majority of us. But that – feeling that we are all alone - is how we sometimes feel when we are going through tough times because there is nothing there to sustain us.

Keeping Your Energy High

I’m an inveterate reader and have been ever since I discovered the public library with a spectacular children’s section in the city where I lived in Canada as a child. I took my bicycle there once a week, filled the basket with books and read those books over the course of the week. Evidently most of those books were novels, children’s books, and so on, but I quickly realized that there were certain books or certain pieces of information in some of the books that spoke to me in other ways than the rest. Hence I avidly searched for more of those books or for more books with passages of that nature. They nourished me. As I grew older, I began to acquire books with the goal in mind that I wanted material that nourished me, and then, even at the age of 15, realized that some of those had become faithful companions when life got hard. I was able to find solace in them, greater understanding of how I might continue on, and certainly, they encouraged me in my darker hours.

But it need not be books. It just needs to be a habit – once you understand this process – of finding daily quality nourishment that will sustain you (see also Keeping Your Energy High), because it has served to grow a being (you) that carries inner strength and conviction, a being that knows it can survive, no matter what is thrown at it. Such inner nourishment can come in many guises, but you will know it because of how it raises your inner energy, your inner sense of well-being and helps you grow towards the goal of truly loving yourself. Begin to make the pursuit of such energy-raising nourishment a habit. It will serve you well and lead you closer to inner peace, well-being and freedom.


For more information about being aware, about success and failure and the way your thoughts and feelings about those subjects influence you and what to do about it, about inner well-being, inner growth and joy, see my book Rewiring the Soul: Finding the Possible Self, available at Amazon as paperback or e-book for Kindle. Click here to download the first chapter.

From the Description on Amazon:

Ask anyone, whatever their circumstances, if their life is vibrant, fulfilling, harmonious and happy. An honest reply is likely to be 'no', because to answer a truthful 'yes' is no mean feat. Only to grow psychologically and emotionally is not enough. And only to grow spiritually is not enough either. All three dimensions need to be developed in order to realize your full potential. If you are willing to assume total responsibility for the self and to start what is an on-going journey, you will quickly begin to glimpse the first fruits of the ultimate goal: inner well-being, freedom, peace, harmony and joy. This book sets out the pathway to self-mastery and self-discovery and walking that pathway will be the most exciting adventure of your life.

Rewiring the Soul' provides a user-friendly roadmap for personal transformation. Using conversational style, it guides the reader to an understanding of life's problems and how they can be resolved, deliberately including the reader's connection to his own soul and spiritual growth. Based on common sense and the author's work as an integral psychotherapist as well as lessons gleaned from teaching and personal experiences, all interwoven with current findings from neuroscience, positive psychology, quantum physics and Buddhism, 'Rewiring the Soul' signposts the path to resolving everyday life and its problems while converging with the inner quest for connection with the soul. This process allows life to take on a revolutionary new meaning: resolving personal and interpersonal issues while keeping the inner connection to the soul in mind leads to unprecedented growth that is simply not possible if psycho-emotional matters and spiritual concerns are not combined.

Photo Credit: Sea Cave, Otakamiro Point, Muriwai Beach, New Zealand


Wednesday, October 12, 2011

The Failure-Success Loop


There are many successful people in the world, and there are many more people who are not. The main difference between the two is this: the successful ones pick themselves up after failure again and again and then yet again until they finally reach success, while the ones who remain in the failure rut do not do so. They tend to lose hope and faith, get discouraged, begin to get themselves into a mindset where all others get lucky breaks, but they don’t, and so on.

It’s a great idea to motivate yourself into a success way of thinking by looking at some famous people who started out by failing – in certain instances in rather monumentally discouraging ways, and many more times than just once. Several rather well-known examples are:
  • Walt Disney’s first cartoon film failed miserably and his production company went bankrupt. Imagine if he had given up. Imagine the world without Mickey Mouse, without Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs and a very long line of etceteras!
  • Barbara Walters was told in 1957 by the man who would go on to become the future executive producer of 60 Minutes, to forget about television. Notwithstanding, she went on to become a host on the television talk show Today, an anchorwoman on The ABC Evening News, and a host of 20/20, as well as winning six Emmy Awards for her work on TV and was also elected to the Television Hall of Fame. Do you remember her interview of Fidel Castro?
  • Steven Spielberg didn't get into film school. Imagine if he had left it at that, and given up, leaving the world without ET or Indiana Jones or Schindler’s List, to mention only a few.
  • Frank Sinatra was expelled from high school for rowdy behavior. Imagine if he had left it at that, and not fought to get to the top … imagine the world without My Way or New York
  • Oprah Winfrey was fired from her television reporter's job and advised: "You're not fit for TV.” No comment!
  • Johnny Cash sold electrical appliances door-to-door. For those of you who love country music, imagine if he had not believed in himself!
  • Marilyn Monroe, was dropped by 20th Century Fox in 1947 after just one year under contract, because the production chief thought she was unattractive...
  • Babe Ruth spent his childhood years in an orphanage and, as a baseball player, struck out 1,330 times ... on his way to the Hall of Fame.
  • Lucille Ball was told by her dance teacher that she didn't have any talent and should give up show biz.
  • Barbra Streisand debuted on the stage at the aged of 19 in a show that opened and closed on the same night … imagine a world without her songs, without that voice, if she had not been tenacious, and if she had given up!
  • Dr. Ruth had two failed marriages …
  • John Grisham, was rejected by 16 agents and a dozen publishers when he was shopping his first novel A Time To Kill around, and here we are, about a dozen or more bestsellers later, all because he did not give up! All because he was not impressed by failure and rejection.
  • Elvis Presley was assessed by his high school music teacher as not being able to sing. He was also banished from the Grand Ole Opry after one performance and told: "You ain't goin' nowhere, son." Imagine if he had given up …
In other words, before attaining success, most people go through different stages of failure on the way to where they want to go, but those that eventually do attain success, learn something from the failure and then make the choice to pick themselves up and continue pursuing their goal, consistently persisting in achieving it.

Abraham Lincoln (1809 – 1865) is a particularly wonderful and inspiring example to understand this:

  • In 1832 (age 23) he lost his job and was defeated for the state legislature, but was elected company captain of the Illinois militia in the Black Hawk War.
  • In 1833 (age 249 he failed in business, but was appointed postmaster of New Salem, Illinois and was appointed deputy surveyor of Sangamon County.
  • In 1834 (age 25) he was elected to Illinois state legislature.
  • In 1835 (age 26) his fiancée died.
  • In 1836 (age 27) he had a nervous breakdown, but was re-elected to Illinois state legislature (running first in his district) and received his license to practice law in Illinois state courts.
  • In 1837 (age 28) he led the Whig delegation in moving Illinois state capital from Vandalia to Springfield and he became law partner of John T. Stuart.
  • In 1838 (age 29) he was defeated for Speaker, but was nominated for Illinois House Speaker by the Whig caucus and was re-elected to the Illinois House (running first in his district), and served as Whig floor leader.
  • Between 1839 and 1842 (age 30 – 33) he was chosen presidential elector by the first Whig convention, he was admitted to practice law in the U.S. Circuit Court, he argued his first case before the Illinois Supreme Court, he was re-elected to the Illinois state legislature, he established a new law practice with Stephen T. Logan, and he was admitted to practice law in U.S. District Court.
  • In 1843 (age 34) he was defeated for nomination for Congress.
  • In 1844 (age 35) he established his own law practice with William H. Herndon as junior partner and in 1846 he was elected to Congress.
  • In 1848 (age 39) he lost the renomination.
  • In 1849 (age 40) he was rejected for land officer, but was admitted to practice law in the U.S. Supreme Court.
  • In 1854 (age 45) he was defeated for the U.S. Senate, but was elected to the Illinois state legislature.
  • In 1856 (age 47) he was defeated for the nomination for Vice President.
  • In 1858 (age 49) he was again defeated for the U.S. Senate.
  • In 1860 (age 51) he was elected President.
Martin Seligman, the father positive psychologist and author of numerous books, has shown, that what determines whether you give up after a setback or instead, try again, is how permanent you think the setback is and how much you believe in your personal power.

Failure – Success Loop

If you were to examine your own life along the lines of Lincoln’s life, in the sense of looking for failures and successes over the years (large and small), you might see that although you have not yet achieved your biggest goal and dream, you may have nevertheless come closer and closer in steps that might even at first glance appear unrelated to that desired final outcome. I highly recommend that you do this, and in my book Rewiring the Soul: Finding the Possible Self, this is precisely one of the exercises I recommend that you do.

Here is the formula many of those mentioned in this article appear to have followed consistently:

1. Choose your goals
2. Undertake steps to go in that direction
3. Failure
4. Pick yourself up
5. Learn
6. Persist (continue doing whatever you can right now that goes in the basic general direction of your goal)
7. You may need to repeat the loop from #3-6 a number of times, perhaps many times
8. Success

And remember this: many of the successful people that you see or hear about may appear to have reached the success they have so easily, because we typically hear nothing about the many pitfalls and failures they surmounted in order to reach their goals. As you look at that part of their trajectory (their initial failures and setbacks and obstacles), you may find yourself much more motivated to continue on in your own path towards success.

Famous Quotes about Failure and Success to Inspire You

Note: If you are interested in great quotes about motivational and thought-provoking topics, consider joining me on Twitter and/or on my Facebook Page ”Rewiring the Soul” and have access to numerous quotes each day.

Albert Bandura: Self-belief does not necessarily ensure success, but self-disbelief assuredly spawns failure.

Walter Brunell: Failure is the tuition you pay for success.

Dale Carnegie: Develop success from failures. Discouragement and failure are two of the surest stepping stones to success.

Sir Winston Churchill: Success is not final, failure is not fatal; it is the courage to continue that counts.

Bill Cosby: In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure.

Edward Eggleston: Persistent people begin their success where others end in failure.

Albert Einstein: In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.

Ralph Waldo Emerson: Men succeed when they realize that their failures are the preparations for their victories.

Malcolm Forbes: Failure is success if we learn from it.

Henry Ford: Failure is only the opportunity to begin again more intelligently.

Bill Gates: It's great to celebrate success but it is more important to heed the lessons of failure.

A.W. Hare & J.C. Hare: Half the failures in life arise from pulling in the horse as he is leaping.

Napoleon Hill: Most great people have attained their greatest success just one step beyond their greatest failure.

Napoleon Hill: Before success, you'll meet defeat and failures. The easiest thing is to quit. That's what most do.

Elbert Hubbard: A failure is a man who has blundered, but is not able to cash in on the experience.

Robert Kiyosaki: Failure defeats losers, failure inspires winners.

Somerset Maugham: To bear failure with courage is the best proof of character that anyone can give.

Colin L. Powell: There are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work and learning from failure.

James Rohn: Failure: A few errors in judgment repeated every day. Success: A few simple disciplines practiced every day.

Florence Scovel Shinn: Often just before the big achievement, comes apparent failure and discouragement.

George Bernard Shaw: When I was young, I observed that nine out of ten things I did were failures. So I did ten times more work.

Brian Tracy: It's not failure itself that holds you back; it's fear of failure that paralyzes you.

William Arthur Ward: The greatest failure is the failure to try.

Oprah Winfrey: I don't believe in failure. It is not failure if you enjoyed the process.

Zig Ziglar: The price of success is much lower than the price of failure.



For more information about being aware, about success and failure and the way your thoughts and feelings about those subjects influence you and what to do about it, about inner well-being, inner growth and joy, see my book Rewiring the Soul: Finding the Possible Self, available at Amazon as paperback or e-book for Kindle. Click here to download the first chapter.

"Rewiring the Soul is a thoughtful guide to the peace and joy that self-government through inner awareness brings. In the words of author Gabriella Kortsch, anyone's ideal 'possible human' becomes their actual reality by following the simple inner steps in this remarkable book." JIM WAWRO; author, Ask Your Inner Voice

"This book is a gift to humanity, a valuable tool in aiding seekers to accomplish mastery of their own lives. Gabriella Kortsch provides clear steps to help people find peace in a practical and powerful way. She does not ask you to give up anything other then what no longer serves you. Brilliantly written!" HILLARY RAIMO; Author & Radio Host

"In Rewiring the Soul, Gabriella Kortsch shows us in very practical ways how to lead a soul-guided, soul-infused life. With the wisdom of one who has traveled far and learned much, Dr. Kortsch blazes a path for all who have the courage to follow. The rewards for walking that path are great: an understanding of why we are here; an expanded awareness of who we really are; a new or heightened sense of purpose and meaning; and a deeper appreciation of life's many blessings. Highly recommended." ROBERT SCHWARTZ, author, Your Soul's Plan: Discovering the Real Meaning of the Life You Planned Before You Were Born


Photo Credit: Dawn over Brisbane, Australia

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Creating Better Communication With Your Partner In 3 Steps


You don't need a psychotherapist to tell you when communication is off. If you and your partner are having problems, it's a sure bet that part of the problems are due to poor communication. Part of it may be the men come from mars, women come from venus syndrome so popularized, but much of it may also be due to the fact that many of us never learned how to communicate well - or, better said - never learned what certain kinds of communication tell us about our partner or about ourselves!

A. Really Listening (with both ears, your head, your heart and your gut)

This step refers to the fact that we tend to be thinking about our next point, or how best to argue whatever it is that the other is saying, instead of listening. So we have to learn how to really listen. And not only with our ears, but also with our three brains (see also my article Introducing Our Second and Third Brains: We Do Think With Our Heart and Instinct), which means we listen with our rational brain (the one in our skull), our instinctual or intuitive brain (the one in our gut), and our feeling brain (the one in our heart). As a matter of fact, since I first wrote that article in 2006 as one of my monthly newsletters, before re-posting it here on the blog in 2008, much more has been uncovered about the differing brains in our bodies - scientists now affirm that our entire body is a brain, each and every cell passing information to the whole. See the talk below by Deepak Chopra about this subject.



So of course if you listen with your entire self you will not be distracted by your thoughts of how best to answer, but will focus on your desire to understand what your partner is telling you instead. Then you can consider how best to answer. But in the meantime you will have created a much better opportunity for understanding what your partner is attempting to communicate, as opposed to merely trying to come up with a better argument on your side. And even if that is not what you do, perhaps you are still not truly hearing because you do not allow yourself to feel what the words are trying to get across because your rational brain is so busy being rational.

B. Boundaries (Not just yours --- also your partner's)

When we talk about boundaries in relationships we typically are talking about our own. About the fact that our partner does not respect them. And about the fact that our partner does not listen to us when we attempt to communicate that our boundaries are being transgressed and that this is having a negative impact on the relationship and even on our love for our partner. I've written numerous articles about the subject which you can see here on my website, but what I would like to reiterate is that when you lay out the perimeter of a boundary, you can not expect that it will be respected, if you do not also lay out a consequence that you are prepared to impose if the boundary is not respected.

But there is a second part to boundaries: those that we trangress. In other words, if we have poor boundaries and allow our partner to step over them, we probably also step over theirs, at least in some way. So as you learn to create respect for your own boundaries in the way your partner treats you, you must also observe your own treatment of your partner's boundaries.

C. Loving Yourself --- In Order to Better Love Your Partner

This is another subject you can find numerous articles about on the above-cited website. Suffice it to say: if you do not love yourself properly, you will have a difficult time loving your partner properly. Loving yourself properly is hugely related to what you do inside yourself when you feel bad, down, depressed, worried, stressed, unhappy, etc. Real love has a lot to do with understanding that one of the reasons the relationship exists is in order to help you grow ... you, and your partner. The growth process that comes about through relationship comes in part with the realization that we are all responsible for ourselves, and not for the other. But in like fashion, the other is NOT responsible for our happiness and well-being.

Paying attention to these three steps will move you greatly in the direction of highly improved communicaton. Just remember: it's never about fixing the other - it's about looking at yourself and taking care of what needs 'fixing' there.


For much more information about loving the self, inner freedom and peace, inner well-being, responsibility and choice, please see my bestselling book on Amazon: Rewiring the Soul: Finding the Possible Self, available in paperback and e-book for Kindle and all Kindle applications. Click here to download the first chapter.

Reviews from the Book's Page on Amazon:

"A revelation of insight into the foundations of human suffering & transcendence. It not only lays out essential steps for inner freedom & joy but illuminates the way to true human potential. Dr. Kortsch is a spiritual master for our time." Paul Rademacher, Exec Dir, The Monroe Institute; author: A Spiritual Hitchhiker's Guide to the Universe

"The masterwork of a profoundly gifted healer of the soul. Dazzling, challenging, wondrously useful." Peggy Rubin, Director, Center for Sacred Theatre, Ashland, Oregon; author: To Be and How To Be, Transforming Your Life Through Sacred Theatre

"The instruction manual on rewiring the soul. An in-depth guide on life, love, spiritual evolution & our integration within the universe." Michael Habernig & April Hannah; Producers: The Path- The Afterlife & The Path 11 Documentaries

"Rewiring the Soul is one the best introductions to the spiritual life I've ever read. Not esoteric but real-world & practical. The implications are profound." Peter Shepherd; Founder Trans4mind.com; author: Daring To Be Yourself

"The human being's directory to the soul. A breakthrough for those seeking practical assistance, those of a more mystical bent & every soul awaiting discovery." Toni Petrinovich, Ph.D.; author: The Call: Awakening the Angelic Human

Photo: Bora Bora

Monday, October 10, 2011

3 Tips For Greater Inner Peace


Without the requisites of inner peace and freedom it will be very difficult to live a good life. Money, position, looks, and all the other trappings our society values are wonderful, but if inner peace and freedom aren't part of the equation, the others will never be enough.

So here are some tips:
  • Practice being conscious and aware: as simple as it sounds, it is nevertheless something most people don't do. Or at least, they only do it occasionally when it happens - so to say - all by itself. What I mean by being conscious and aware is simply that as things happen to you in your life, during the course of your weeks, your days, your hours and your minutes, you remain aware of yourself at all time.
    1. If someone is angy at you, be fully aware of your inner reaction. If you are, you will not go reactive, i.e., you will not have a blind reaction in face of the buttons that that person pushed.
    2. If someone praises you, be fully aware of your inner reaction. If you are, you will recognize that the praise has made you feel good. You may feel warmth towards the other person. But you will also be able to understand that this good feeling should not depend on the other person praising you, but should come from you for you - if not all the time, then at least a good portion of the time.
    3. If you are given a diagnosis of cancer or some other dread disease, be fully aware of your inner reaction. If you are, you will not go reaction, i.e., you will not have a blind reaction in the face of the potential fear and worry that the diagnosis provoked in you. Yes, you will recognize those feelings, but you will not allow them to take over your inner state because you will remain aware and put the next tips into practice.
  • Take full responsibility for yourself in all ways: Assuming this responsibility means that you are fully in agreement with the fact that you are indeed, responsible for all your thoughts, feelings, words, acts and reactions, then you will wish to continually remain in a place of awareness. As long as you are not aware and conscious of all that occurs in your world, you will not be able to take on this responsibility!
    1. In the example of someone being angry at you, you will assume responsibility for your reaction to the other person's anger, their words, their action. Careful: you are not making yourself responsible for their words, actions, etc., nor are you making yourself responsible for making them understand how wrong (or one-sided, or prejudiced or unfair) their behaviour is, nor are you making yourself responsible for how to change them. You are only responsible for yourself in all these matters. For yourself and how you react.
    2. In the example of being praised, you again will assume responsibility for your reaction to the praise. Perhaps you will take on board the fact that you crave such praise and seek it under any circumstance. That would be the time to begin to make yourself repsonsible for giving yourself praise from the inside instead of needing it form the outside, and therefore that would be the place to begin to show yourself more love and acceptance.
    3. In the example about being given a cancer diagnosis, you would again assume responsibility for your reactions to the diagnosis. You would recognize all the difficult and negative feelings. You would acknowledge them. You might need to allow yourself some time to get used to the actual fact of whatever it was you were told in the diagnosis in order to then figure out which kind of reaction best serves you; best demonstrates to yourself that you love yourself. Consider: how would you show a small child who has just skinned his knee and comes running to you for comfort, that he/she is loved? By going on and on about how terrible it is to skin the knee and to bleed and that the pain will last a long time and that he was careless in falling in the first place? No! Of course not. You would give him a hug, kiss him, take him up on your lap and comfort him with love. And so you can do with yourself. Your reaction plays an enormous role in how your inner well-being plays itself out --- in all senses of the word.
  • Recognize that in the face of any situation at all you always have a choice: This point cannot be stressed enough. Always having a choice means you need not react the way you initially do. It means you can cast your eye about for alternatives that will serve your inner well-being better. In all of the above examples, it is by virtue of choice, that the reaction becomes a reaction that serves you as opposed to one that simply makes it worse.

For much more information about loving the self, inner freedom and peace, inner well-being, responsibility and choice, please see my bestselling book on Amazon: Rewiring the Soul: Finding the Possible Self, available in paperback and e-book for Kindle and all Kindle applications. Click here to download the first chapter.

Description from Amazon:

Ask anyone, whatever their circumstances, if their life is vibrant, fulfilling, harmonious and happy. An honest reply is likely to be 'no', because to answer a truthful 'yes' is no mean feat. Only to grow psychologically and emotionally is not enough. And only to grow spiritually is not enough either. All three dimensions need to be developed in order to realize your full potential. If you are willing to assume total responsibility for the self and to start what is an on-going journey, you will quickly begin to glimpse the first fruits of the ultimate goal: inner well-being, freedom, peace, harmony and joy. This book sets out the pathway to self-mastery and self-discovery and walking that pathway will be the most exciting adventure of your life.

'Rewiring the Soul' provides a user-friendly roadmap for personal transformation. Using conversational style, it guides the reader to an understanding of life's problems and how they can be resolved, deliberately including the reader's connection to his own soul and spiritual growth. Based on common sense and the author's work as an integral psychotherapist as well as lessons gleaned from teaching and personal experiences, all interwoven with current findings from neuroscience, positive psychology, quantum physics and Buddhism, 'Rewiring the Soul' signposts the path to resolving everyday life and its problems while converging with the inner quest for connection with the soul. This process allows life to take on a revolutionary new meaning: resolving personal and interpersonal issues while keeping the inner connection to the soul in mind leads to unprecedented growth that is simply not possible if psycho-emotional matters and spiritual concerns are not combined.





Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Too Distant or Too Intimate: Which Are You?

I remember when I was a young teen in Canada, a group of friends and I decided to play a game of Truth where if you lost, or if it was your turn, you had to tell the others some truth about yourself that you would normally not tell. We all had to be 'it' and tell our truth, but one of the girls present told something so private  and of such intimacy that all of us were - much more than shocked - embarrassed to be hearing it. It was one of those things that you can tell a mother, or a very close friend, but not a group of people (especially young teens) playing a game.

In that same game, I remember one of the boys absolutely refusing (in my mind) to participate, because when he was 'it', he told us something inane, something so obviously not a truth about himself that he would normally not share, that I knew he was avoiding it. I obviously didn't know if he was avoiding it simply because he was too embarrassed to share, or if because he was too closed.

But there was no doubt in my mind that the girl was too open. Too intimate. Even back then I recognized it.

What is being too intimate and open?
  • telling someone you've just met (a new colleague at work, a friend of a friend to whom you've just been introduced, your neighbour's sister, etc.) about details of your life that would normally only be told to people you are very close to
  • ditto but with the person you are talking to being someone you have just begun dating
  • sharing intimate information about you or your life openly at a party or other social event where everyone present has obviously been invited by the host or hostess, giving them a sort of trustworthiness credential, but you don't actually know them all
What does it mean if you are too intimate or open? Among other things, it connects to having poor boundaries because in the same way someone with poor boundaries allows another to behave in unacceptable ways, so does the person with poor boundaries let out too much intimacy unacceptably (towards themseves) with people that are not in some kind of inner circle. And of course I don't mean this in a social way, this is not a social rule I'm describing here, but a pattern of behavior that may allow you to understand yourself better.

Why entrust others you don't really know with information about yourself that is so personal? Why open yourself up to that degree of scrutiny by individuals who don't have the whole picture, the way the members of your close circle do? In some fashion it is connected to a need for intimacy that is not being accomplished on other levels and therefore is sought artifically - or in somewhat infantile fashion (only because this is something that children often do with people they do not know well) - this way. The need for intimacy, which is not being addressed in a mature manner, is such a need because the person described has some kind of difficulty with emotional intimacy. This almost always has its roots in early childhood, and while it need not be something horrific, nor does it need to be remembered in order to resolve it, what it means is that your emotional reaction to intimacy is somehow that of a child because the person got stuck back there on that level.

And what does it mean when you are too closed? When you rarely share anything about yourself at all, in this case, even with people you know well? Again, among other things, it is connected to a fear of intimacy, a fear of opening up to potential vulnerability that intimacy brings with it, and a potential fear of rejection. Being too closed, by the way, is not necessarily related to being emotionally inaccessible because the latter may be - under certain circumstances - very intimate, but simply does not engage, whereas the former, the person who is not open, not only does not engage, but also does not share intimacy about him or herself.

So we could say that the person who is too closed shares a difficulty with emotions with the person who is too intimate too soon. Both struggle with emotional expression, both do it in ways that are detrimental to their psycho-emotional health and well-being.

If you have recognized yourself in either of these brief descriptions, or conversely, if you have recognized your partner, and in order to gain a greater understanding of the human psyche, you may wish to have a closer look at my book Rewiring the Soul: Finding the Possible Self, available at Amazon globally in print or e-book for Kindle. Click here to download the first chapter.

Some Early Reviews:

"Rewiring the Soul is one the best introductions to the spiritual life I've ever read. Not esoteric but real-world & practical. The implications are profound."
Peter Shepherd; Founder Trans4mind.com; author: Daring To Be Yourself

"The human being's directory to the soul. A breakthrough for those seeking practical assistance, those of a more mystical bent & every soul awaiting discovery." Toni Petrinovich, Ph.D.; author: The Call: Awakening the Angelic Human  


Photo: Monastery of Montserrat near Barcelona, Spain


Monday, October 3, 2011

Talk, Talk & Talk to Those Who Are Important to You!

Where would we be without real conversations with our loved ones? How can you sustain a relationship of any kind with a person you care for without communication that breaks through the barriers of social distance and gets into the parts of you that are totally real?

We need to know that our verbal and physical contact with those people in our lives that really matter to us is more important than many other things. If we are unable to connect at levels that delve deep into ourselves, we are living at the surface of life, of the relationship with little hope of becoming profoundly intertwined. (See also an earlier post: Crossing Thresholds).

Some people talk about energetic connections between people who are important to each, between lovers, between parents and children, and it certainly appears that these connections exist. Something traumatic may happen to one part of the relationship, and the other part, even though that person may be thousands of miles away, knows something happened at exactly the same moment in time. Countless stories tell us about the veracity of this.

What I am talking about here, however, is the connection that exists between two people who speak their truth to each other, and who connect - among other things - through their conversations. This can happen if you talk, and talk, and really talk to the other person, and it can happen if you open yourself, not only to the other person, but to your own inner truth. (See also: Losing the Connection: You Still Love Each Other but No Longer Connect).

What does talking to another person have to do with your own inner truth? Quite a lot. (See also Expressing All Your Emotions). If you aren’t aware of yourself, if you aren’t honest to yourself about yourself, it will be quite difficult to talk to the other person at the levels I am describing. Your conversations with others – even with important others – will not touch the rock bottom of your truth. And hence will not connect you to that person in a way that leads to true communication.

So talk. And talk. But above all, become aware of yourself in order to be able to really talk.


For more information about relationships, communicating, love and emotions, see my book Rewiring the Soul: Finding the Possible Self, available at Amazon globally in print and as an e-book for Kindle. Click here to download the first chapter.

From the description on Amazon:

Ask anyone, whatever their circumstances, if their life is vibrant, fulfilling, harmonious and happy. An honest reply is likely to be 'no', because to answer a truthful 'yes' is no mean feat. Only to grow psychologically and emotionally is not enough. And only to grow spiritually is not enough either. All three dimensions need to be developed in order to realize your full potential. If you are willing to assume total responsibility for the self and to start what is an on-going journey, you will quickly begin to glimpse the first fruits of the ultimate goal: inner well-being, freedom, peace, harmony and joy. This book sets out the pathway to self-mastery and self-discovery and walking that pathway will be the most exciting adventure of your life.

'Rewiring the Soul' provides a user-friendly roadmap for personal transformation. Using conversational style, it guides the reader to an understanding of life's problems and how they can be resolved, deliberately including the reader's connection to his own soul and spiritual growth. Based on common sense and the author's work as an integral psychotherapist as well as lessons gleaned from teaching and personal experiences, all interwoven with current findings from neuroscience, positive psychology, quantum physics and Buddhism, 'Rewiring the Soul' signposts the path to resolving everyday life and its problems while converging with the inner quest for connection with the soul. This process allows life to take on a revolutionary new meaning: resolving personal and interpersonal issues while keeping the inner connection to the soul in mind leads to unprecedented growth that is simply not possible if psycho-emotional matters and spiritual concerns are not combined.

(Note: this post has been previously published on this blog)