WELCOME TO THIS BLOG


"A revelation of insight into the foundations of human suffering & transcendence. It not only lays out essential steps for inner freedom and joy but illuminates the way to true human potential." Paul Rademacher, author: A Spiritual Hitchhiker's Guide to the Universe

"The masterwork of a profoundly gifted healer of the soul. Dazzling, challenging, wondrously useful." Peggy Rubin, author: To Be and How To Be, Transforming Your Life Through Sacred Theatre

"Rewiring the Soul is one the best introductions to the spiritual life I've ever read. Not esoteric but real-world and practical. The implications are profound." Peter Shepherd, author: Daring To Be Yourself

Thursday, March 26, 2015

Making Better Choices: Re-focusing Your Thoughts


Posts and articles about re-focusing your thoughts to something more positive abound. In this one, I propose a slightly different version that may help you to get a more firm grip on your thoughts in a way that promotes your well-being.

First: 'Canceling' a thought or simply replacing a thought with another, more positive thought does not generally work. It's a bit like telling someone not to think about horses. Guess what they will think about?

Second: Simply using affirmations without some other methodology to shift into another energetic flow than the one you were on prior to using the affirmations, again, does not generally give great results.

Here are the five concepts that I believe are necessary in order to create a successful move from thoughts that plague and torture you, or simply make you feel less than good, to an inner place of well-being:
  1. understand that whatever your thoughts are about, by changing them consciously, you are not repressing them, nor are you pretending you have solved whatever it is that is bothering you (hence the thoughts), but that you are choosing to focus your attention elsewhere
  2. understand that when you focus your attention elsewhere, whether it is on affirmations, or on reading an inspirational passage or book, or viewing a motivational video, it will serve your purpose only if you also manage to shift your energetic state from where you are with the thoughts that are bothering you to another, better (even if only slightly) state
  3. understand that only when your energy has shifted to a better place, will you truly be able to give focus and strength to better thoughts
  4. understand that in order to shift to a better energetic place, you will need to turn off, so to say, the earlier, more negative thoughts, even if only for a moment
  5. understand that one of the simplest methods for quieting the mind is by practicing a mindful focus on beauty, then focusing on gratitude for said beauty in your life and then mindfully noting the shift (even if only slight) that has taken place in your energetic state.
Choosing where you focus your thoughts is NOT repressing the bad ones but giving energy to better ones.

*********************************

Also visit my book website: www.gabriellakortsch.com where you may download excerpts or read quotations from any of my books. My new book Emotional Unavailability & Neediness: Two Sides of the Same Coin is now out globally on Amazon in print & Kindle. You can also obtain it (or any of my other books) via Barnes & Noble.

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (English)


Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (Spanish & German - coming April 2015)

 

Note: If you are wondering why this blog is now only appearing on alternate days (excluding Sat/Sun), it is because I also post on my other blog on the others days. That other blog is The Tao of Spiritual Partnership, so named for another one of my books. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed.

My blog posts are also featured on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+, Pinterest & you can find me on Instagram

Meine Bücher auf deutsch April 2015 / Mis libros en español abril 2015

Angefangen mit Rewiring the Soul - auf deutsch: Wiedervereinigung mit der Seele (Blog hier), werden meine Bücher auf Amazon im April 2015 erhaltbar sein.

Empezando con Rewiring the Soul - en español: Reconectar con el Alma (blog aquí), se podrán encontrar mis libros en Amazon en español en todo el mundo a partir de abril 2015.


Tuesday, March 24, 2015

How Do You Choose Your Habits?


Consider the care with which we choose our clothes, our cars, our hairstylist, the cologne we use, the watch we wear, our mobile phone, and yes, the restaurants or clubs we frequent. Consider also - if it applies - the care with which you choose your wine, the paintings or rugs that adorn your home, and the destinations at which you vacation.

And why wouldn't you? Choosing with care shows that you enjoy living in aesthetically pleasing surroundings, or dressing yourself as well as your pocketbook will allow you.

Now let's examine what do we do with our habits. Certainly we only rarely choose them with care. Generally speaking, our habits are formed long before we think about them consciously (if ever) and so we continue with them without considering whether they embellish us or not.

What do I mean by habits that embellish? Simply that by having and maintaining such habits, they serve us well, as opposed to blindly leading us to places we might not wish to frequent. Here are some examples:
  • a habit of having bread with every meal may cause the pounds to creep up on you and before you know it, you find yourself in a place where it is very difficult to stop the habit, and yet if you continue with it, you will need a new wardrobe (to say the least)
  • a habit of not listening when others speak to you because you are busy thinking about your answer, may cause you to do less well than you would like in your professional environment and in your personal sphere may eventually cause you to lose your partner or spouse
  • a habit of watching 3 hours of TV every evening may have numerous results including unwanted weight piling up due to being such a couch potato, and brain cells losing their strength due to not being used, other than in this passive way
  • a habit of judging others (even if only in your mind), may cause you to never see the real person behind whatever it is that you are judging
  • a habit of blaming others for whatever you are unable to do perfectly yourself may cause you to never learn to take responsibility for yourself
  • a habit of giving in to others' manipulations may cause you to lead a life filled with bitterness and resentment due to never learning to say no and continuing with those unhealthy boundaries
  • a habit of demanding perfection from yourself may cause you to live a deeply unhappy life because you will find it nearly impossible to live up to those unattainable standards that you have set for yourself because you do not love yourself in healthy ways that would allow you to accept yourself as you grow towards goals as opposed to demanding achievement of those goals now
Your habits determine - to a large degree - the quality of your life. Choose them well, and if - when they were formed - you were not yet aware enough to choose, now, that you are more aware, take them under a microscope, examine them, and begin to discard those that do not serve your highest good.

Image: Maiden's Head in Profile by Georg Klimt

*********************************

Also visit my book website: www.gabriellakortsch.com where you may download excerpts or read quotations from any of my books. My new book Emotional Unavailability & Neediness: Two Sides of the Same Coin is now out globally on Amazon in print & Kindle. You can also obtain it (or any of my other books) via Barnes & Noble.

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (English)


Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (Spanish & German - coming April 2015)

 

Note: If you are wondering why this blog is now only appearing on alternate days (excluding Sat/Sun), it is because I also post on my other blog on the others days. That other blog is The Tao of Spiritual Partnership, so named for another one of my books. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed.

My blog posts are also featured on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+, Pinterest & you can find me on Instagram

Meine Bücher auf deutsch April 2015 / Mis libros en español abril 2015

Angefangen mit Rewiring the Soul - auf deutsch: Wiedervereinigung mit der Seele (Blog hier), werden meine Bücher auf Amazon im April 2015 erhaltbar sein.

Empezando con Rewiring the Soul - en español: Reconectar con el Alma (blog aquí), se podrán encontrar mis libros en Amazon en español en todo el mundo a partir de abril 2015.


Thursday, March 19, 2015

Five Questions Regarding Your Boundaries


The beauty of healthy boundaries is that they help create beauty in your life. Why? They keep out much of that which is not beautiful. They help demarcate your life, not in a stifling way, but in a way that allows you to breathe more easily. Many situations in life do not allow you to set up boundaries because in those situations you are somehow coerced by a political, racial, or perhaps religious situation, and often those situations require your adherence to rules that restrict your healthy boundaries. If you live in a totalitarian state, clearly to demarcate healthy boundaries might be detrimental to your life. In racial or religious situations, demarcating boundaries might imply that you will be ousted or shunned.

But in slightly more normal circumstances, healthy boundaries help you determine where to draw the line with regards to other people's behavior, their treatment of you, and what you will allow in your life. Such boundaries are not about being contentious, argumentative, defensive or rude. Boundaries almost always involve some kind of consequence if they are not adhered to, but it is you who must decide what the consequences are and whether you are capable of sticking to them.

Healthy boundaries can be applied to partners, children, parents, siblings, other family, friends, colleagues, neighbors, etc. A lack of healthy boundaries almost always signals a lack of self-love.

Ask these questions of yourself to determine where you stand with respect to healthy boundaries:
  1. do you allow another to treat you in ways you find less than kind and living and tell yourself that it's OK because underneath that behavior they actually love you? Or because since you are so loving, there is no need to become contentious about the matter?
  2. do you tell yourself that not making waves, and keeping the peace is more important than standing up for your rights?
  3. do you notice frequent twisting and pulling in your gut when others stand you up, treat you less than lovingly, or are unkind, but pay no attention to that very physical sensation in your gut?
  4. do you tell yourself that it is more important not to lose friends than to tell them (and hence risk their disapprobation or anger) that they are behaving in unacceptable ways?
  5. do you believe that it is more important to love the other than yourself?
A lack of self-love, as stated above, is almost always correlated with poor boundaries. Many believe that self-love is selfish. I've written an entire book The Power of Your Heart: Loving the Self about self-love due to the many misconceptions about what constitutes healthy love (and hence healthy boundaries). Another one of my books Emotional Unavailability & Neediness: Two Sides of the Same Coin, points to some very difficult relationship issues that have their foundations in poor boundaries and a lack of self love.

One final point: how would you allow another to treat your beloved child? I imagine you have it quite clear in your mind what you would and would not tolerate with regards to that beloved child. That is how you need to begin treating yourself.

*********************************

Also visit my book website: www.gabriellakortsch.com where you may download excerpts or read quotations from any of my books. My new book Emotional Unavailability & Neediness: Two Sides of the Same Coin is now out globally on Amazon in print & Kindle. You can also obtain it (or any of my other books) via Barnes & Noble.

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (English)


Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (Spanish & German - coming April 2015)

 

Note: If you are wondering why this blog is now only appearing on alternate days (excluding Sat/Sun), it is because I also post on my other blog on the others days. That other blog is The Tao of Spiritual Partnership, so named for another one of my books. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed.

My blog posts are also featured on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+, Pinterest & you can find me on Instagram

Meine Bücher auf deutsch April 2015 / Mis libros en español abril 2015

Angefangen mit Rewiring the Soul - auf deutsch: Wiedervereinigung mit der Seele (Blog hier), werden meine Bücher auf Amazon im April 2015 erhaltbar sein.

Empezando con Rewiring the Soul - en español: Reconectar con el Alma (blog aquí), se podrán encontrar mis libros en Amazon en español en todo el mundo a partir de abril 2015.


Tuesday, March 17, 2015

Use the Tools You Already Have


There is so much information available to us today ... in this year, this decade, this century, this millennium ... particularly information that allows us to live better lives, not only more productive lives, but much better lives on levels that go way beyond that.

We can be healthier, due to the information cutting-edge science is constantly feeding us. We can be more content and happier, less stressed, more in tune with ourselves, in a much better place inside ourselves, simply due to information that is constantly pouring out at us on so many levels.

Tools are available to us that no one would have - or could have - dreamed about a mere decade ago ... tools that allow us to resolve issues that in the last century were dealt with over years of treatment, and even then, more often than not, simply not resolved.

But we - here and now in this time of our history - have tools ... if we only go out looking for them.

Or ... if we already have them, if we've already received or found them ... if we would only stop procrastinating and use them.

Today it's about that. This post is about reminding you to use what you already have gleaned, rather than just reading it or hearing it and then not doing anything about it. There is so much, and yet we tend to sit back and vegetate.

I often think that part of the reason for this lack of initiative is that we are lazy and not disciplined when it comes to making changes - even positive changes - that can impact our lives.

I also often think it has to do with the fact that so many of us don't really allow the possibility of real change being possible enter our lives. We've been taught so long and so forcefully that change only comes with a price tag of hard work, that we are not excited about trying some of the tools we may have learned about at a workshop last weekend, or read about in a book or article the other day, or observed in a program on TV or on YouTube.

You might also like to listen to the audio file of a radio show I did about this topic some time ago,
I've Been to all the Seminars, and all the Workshops, and I've Read all the Books, But My Life is Still the Same... in order to hear more about this topic of our procrastination when it comes to not rushing out to make changes even when all the tools are already in our hands. (NOTE: Once you click on the above link, scroll down to the "Awareness & Consciousness" section and find the audio file ... in alphabetical order.)

*********************************

Also visit my book website: www.gabriellakortsch.com where you may download excerpts or read quotations from any of my books. My new book Emotional Unavailability & Neediness: Two Sides of the Same Coin is now out globally on Amazon in print & Kindle. You can also obtain it (or any of my other books) via Barnes & Noble.

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (English)


Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (Spanish & German - coming April 2015)

 

Note: If you are wondering why this blog is now only appearing on alternate days (excluding Sat/Sun), it is because I also post on my other blog on the others days. That other blog is The Tao of Spiritual Partnership, so named for another one of my books. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed.

My blog posts are also featured on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+, Pinterest & you can find me on Instagram

Meine Bücher auf deutsch April 2015 / Mis libros en español abril 2015

Angefangen mit Rewiring the Soul - auf deutsch: Wiedervereinigung mit der Seele (Blog hier), werden meine Bücher auf Amazon im April 2015 erhaltbar sein.

Empezando con Rewiring the Soul - en español: Reconectar con el Alma (blog aquí), se podrán encontrar mis libros en Amazon en español en todo el mundo a partir de abril 2015.


Friday, March 13, 2015

Finding Your Inner Jewel


We spend our lives looking for something, wanting something, and moving towards something. Whatever it is that we seek is always out there, tomorrow, next week, when you achieve this or that goal, or as soon as you lose ten pounds. What we so often appear to ignore, to forget, or to totally overlook, is that what we really seek is almost always inside of us. Not the position, the money, the fame or the honor, not the way we look, and not the place we are at, but the way we imagine we would feel if we had it, or were like that. That is what is inside of us.

The secret to understanding that is to recognize that loving yourself first, before looking for all the rest, will provide you with that feeling; will give you what you desire so fervently. Feeling good about yourself, feeling approved of (by yourself), feeling respected (by yourself) and feeling loved and cared for (by yourself) is the jewel we all have inside, if only we will look for it.

Numerous authors refer to this. George Moore says: A man travels the world in search of what he needs and returns home to find it. My favorite quote about this comes from T.S. Eliot in Little Gidding:

We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time.

Have you begun walking down the road to loving yourself?

*********************************

Also visit my book website: www.gabriellakortsch.com where you may download excerpts or read quotations from any of my books. My new book Emotional Unavailability & Neediness: Two Sides of the Same Coin is now out globally on Amazon in print & Kindle. You can also obtain it (or any of my other books) via Barnes & Noble.

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (English)


Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (Spanish & German - coming April 2015)

 

Note: If you are wondering why this blog is now only appearing on alternate days (excluding Sat/Sun), it is because I also post on my other blog on the others days. That other blog is The Tao of Spiritual Partnership, so named for another one of my books. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed.

My blog posts are also featured on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+, Pinterest & you can find me on Instagram

Meine Bücher auf deutsch April 2015 / Mis libros en español abril 2015

Angefangen mit Rewiring the Soul - auf deutsch: Wiedervereinigung mit der Seele (Blog hier), werden meine Bücher auf Amazon im April 2015 erhaltbar sein.

Empezando con Rewiring the Soul - en español: Reconectar con el Alma (blog aquí), se podrán encontrar mis libros en Amazon en español en todo el mundo a partir de abril 2015.


Wednesday, March 11, 2015

Comparisons Don't Serve You Well


A person once complained bitterly about the ease of another person's life, someone she knew, but did not know that I also knew. According to the complainer, the other person lived with no problems, life was not just, because that other person was surrounded by wealth, was slim and glamorous, wore designer clothes, went to fabulous parties around the globe that the speaker got glimpses of in society magazines. She further complained that life was not fair - why does she deserve this and not I, she asked of me.

As I listened to her acid-flavored litany of bitterness, debating on my reply, I remembered the story of the person who lived the easy life: she had been sexually abused by her father as a young girl, and her mother, a wealthy debutante had never been able to bring herself out of her own alcoholic stupor long enough to realize what was happening to her little girl. She became bulimic as a young teen and was started on anti-depressants by the family doctor shortly thereafter. She suffered from continual anxiety attacks and had about as much self-esteem as a rock in a mud puddle. And to top it all off, she had married a man who was only interested in her position and fortune and who was now sleeping with her best friend.

I looked at the person who was complaining to me and gave her a version of the Woody Hayes quote that follows: Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about. I also reminded her to be grateful for what she had: health, a good job, strength, and a loving family.

What are you grateful for in your life today?

*********************************

Also visit my book website: www.gabriellakortsch.com where you may download excerpts or read quotations from any of my books. My new book Emotional Unavailability & Neediness: Two Sides of the Same Coin is now out globally on Amazon in print & Kindle. You can also obtain it (or any of my other books) via Barnes & Noble.

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (English)


Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (Spanish & German - coming April 2015)

 

Note: If you are wondering why this blog is now only appearing on alternate days (excluding Sat/Sun), it is because I also post on my other blog on the others days. That other blog is The Tao of Spiritual Partnership, so named for another one of my books. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed.

My blog posts are also featured on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+, Pinterest & you can find me on Instagram

Meine Bücher auf deutsch April 2015 / Mis libros en español abril 2015

Angefangen mit Rewiring the Soul - auf deutsch: Wiedervereinigung mit der Seele (Blog hier), werden meine Bücher auf Amazon im April 2015 erhaltbar sein.

Empezando con Rewiring the Soul - en español: Reconectar con el Alma (blog aquí), se podrán encontrar mis libros en Amazon en español en todo el mundo a partir de abril 2015.


Monday, March 9, 2015

Your Ambition Impacts on the Comfort Zone of Others


Ambition and friendly nay-sayers and their comfort zones are all closely related. So is ambition and less friendly nay-sayers and their fear of your success. Mark Twain put it well: Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions.

You know how it goes. You have an idea. Or a project. Or a dream. And you tell someone about it. And their reaction is to tell you all the reasons why it will be so very hard. Or why it won't work. Or why you in particular are not the most suitable person to do it. They may - if they are your friends - speak to you in dulcet tones with well-meaning words. They have your best interests at heart. And if they are not your friends they may literally - with a smile on their face - shred your ambitions to pieces from the loftiness of their wisdom, place in life, position, etc. But as they speak, your heart sinks. You lose your impetus and your dream seems to evanesce into the fog of nothingness.

WHAT on earth just happened? There are two possibilities and they may both be combined in some fashion:
  1. Your dream, plan, project was still too weak in your mind and vision, and hence, on speaking of it, it was easy to demolish. It had not yet taken on enough strength and power inside of you and therefore you were not strong enough to maintain the vision in the face of opposition. Those people might wish to maintain their comfort zone which may include your place in it, i.e., how "small" you remain, in order that they need not stretch, the way you are threatening to do. It's not that they don't wish you success, but if you achieve it, then how will they look? Or what will they have to do to keep up? Worst of all, they'll have to leave their comfort zone. And so, for them, it's easier if you don't grow and achieve. Or, conversely, others may fear your success more from the position of envy and greed or any other of those horrible emotions that so populate our world.
  2. The other possibility is that you give another's opinion of your dream, plan, or project more validity than your own. Sometimes that is good. If you wish to be a concert pianist and have worked hard for years and are now standing before a jury of respected pianists in their own right and they tell you that while you play magnificently, you will in all likelihood never make it to the place to which you aspire, then you may need to accept that opinion. But if you are at the beginning of your dream, before all the hard work has taken place and a parent or teacher or friend or neighbour shoots the dream down, or tells you how hard it will be and how much you will have to sacrifice, then listen to your heart, as the Quiche Maya say in the Popul Vuh, their sacred book: When you must choose between two different paths, ask yourself which of them comes from the heart. When you choose the path of the heart, you will never be wrong.
What is your dream? Are you allowing someone to take it away from you? Or to give up on it? Or are you brave enough to follow your heart? Follow your bliss, said Joseph Campbell, and the universe will open doors where there were only walls.

*********************************

Also visit my book website: www.gabriellakortsch.com where you may download excerpts or read quotations from any of my books. My new book Emotional Unavailability & Neediness: Two Sides of the Same Coin is now out globally on Amazon in print & Kindle. You can also obtain it (or any of my other books) via Barnes & Noble.

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (English)


Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (Spanish & German - coming April 2015)

 

Note: If you are wondering why this blog is now only appearing on alternate days (excluding Sat/Sun), it is because I also post on my other blog on the others days. That other blog is The Tao of Spiritual Partnership, so named for another one of my books. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed.

My blog posts are also featured on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+, Pinterest & you can find me on Instagram

Meine Bücher auf deutsch April 2015 / Mis libros en español abril 2015

Angefangen mit Rewiring the Soul - auf deutsch: Wiedervereinigung mit der Seele (Blog hier), werden meine Bücher auf Amazon im April 2015 erhaltbar sein.

Empezando con Rewiring the Soul - en español: Reconectar con el Alma (blog aquí), se podrán encontrar mis libros en Amazon en español en todo el mundo a partir de abril 2015.


Thursday, March 5, 2015

Stand Out From the Crowd



Don't you like to think you're special? I do. Don't you like to think you are not just another person, but that you have something different to offer? I certainly do. But what we would like to think about ourselves and what is our reality are often two entirely different issues.

Yet there is something you can do which will eventually make you stand out so much that others may wish to follow your steps. It's quite simple (but not what most automatically do). It's almost a secret, simply because few bother to find out about it because of the fact that our culture puts so much greater emphasis on another kind of behavior that guarantees outer success. Doing "it" doesn't give immediate tangible benefits but over the long term, it gives what are probably the greatest benefits any individual may wish for: inner peace, freedom, harmony, self-love, and joy.

What is it? Simply this: spend a bit of time every day becoming more aware than the day before. As you do so, spend a bit of time every day making choices that come from this place of awareness. And as you do that, recognize that your awareness and your conscious choices are creating a pattern of self-responsibility that takes in all you feel, think, say, and do, and how you react at any given moment under any given circumstance. This further leads to self-love, and self-love, which we can define as making of your inner well-being a priority, means that you will be of so much greater benefit to all those whose lives touch yours. And of course, as you practice all of this, you will reach a place of inner freedom, peace, harmony, and joy. And that, my friend, is how you can stand out from the crowd!

*********************************

Also visit my book website: www.gabriellakortsch.com where you may download excerpts or read quotations from any of my books. My new book Emotional Unavailability & Neediness: Two Sides of the Same Coin is now out globally on Amazon in print & Kindle. You can also obtain it (or any of my other books) via Barnes & Noble.

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (English)


Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (Spanish & German - coming April 2015)

 

Note: If you are wondering why this blog is now only appearing on alternate days (excluding Sat/Sun), it is because I also post on my other blog on the others days. That other blog is The Tao of Spiritual Partnership, so named for another one of my books. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed.

My blog posts are also featured on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+, Pinterest & you can find me on Instagram

Meine Bücher auf deutsch April 2015 / Mis libros en español abril 2015

Angefangen mit Rewiring the Soul - auf deutsch: Wiedervereinigung mit der Seele (Blog hier), werden meine Bücher auf Amazon im April 2015 erhaltbar sein.

Empezando con Rewiring the Soul - en español: Reconectar con el Alma (blog aquí), se podrán encontrar mis libros en Amazon en español en todo el mundo a partir de abril 2015.


Tuesday, March 3, 2015

The Price of Selling Your Soul


Remember Ebenezer Scrooge? "Bah! Humbug!" were his favorite words. He seemed to have forgotten about his humanity and only cared for wealth. Ho-hum, you say, it's just an old Dickensian Christmas tale. Well, what about Gordon Gekko (played by Michael Douglas) in the movie Wall Street? Had he not also forgotten about his humanity in his eternal quest for even more money? Was he not personifying the lust for continual acquisition that overtook us in the latter half of the 20th Century on a scale more vast than we had ever seen? Just a movie, you say? Well how about Bernie Madoff and his Ponzi scheme that left countless investors who had trusted him with their life savings? Did he not also forget about his humanity? Did he not sell his soul? Yes, you say, but those are not people like us. We don't have access to that kind of money to be able to manipulate someone like that … we'd never be able to do such a thing.

Fair enough. Let's look a bit closer to home. How often - at least traditionally - have woman not sold their souls for the security of a comfortable home in suburbia and a relatively carefree life by marrying someone they liked but did not really love? Or, how often do others (both men and women) give up their heart's desire and sell their soul to have that safe job as an accountant or mid-level manager for the security of a job, a guaranteed salary, two weeks paid vacation per year, and a pension?

Wearing Someone Else's Clothes

When I was still in the corporate world and received my first important promotion, I went to a tailor and had five suits made that looked like men's suits. I even wore some of them with a jaunty kind of feminine tie. Fortunately the suits looked rather good on me, but that phase of my wardrobe did not last very long as I soon realized I did not have to wear men's clothes to do what was - then - considered to be a man's job.

Wearing someone else's clothes happens when we take on the characteristics and mannerisms, the personality traits, the beliefs and the way of behaving of another human being. It may start out because we admire someone. It may begin because we wish to emulate what they have done in order to get there ourselves.

But there is a great distance between emulating someone's proactive behavior in order to achieve a goal and actually taking on that person's characteristics because we have not given our own being enough importance, or, what may be even worse, because we have not come to know and appreciate ourselves to any extent.

Back in the day women would often take on their husband's political and religious opinions. In conversations (and I remember hearing this phrase when chatting with friends in the early 70's), many sentences would begin with 'my husband says that ...' or 'Johnny believes that ... ' or ' Bill says we should ...'. It's not hard to grasp that this happened in part because these women gave little weight to their own opinions (which again, we could say formed the tapestry of the patriarchal social paradigm that already was in the throes of a major shift, but had not yet truly changed).

But in our present world this often becomes apparent in the way many of us take on the opinions of a majority - opinions we have not necessarily examined and thought out properly. Frequently this happens despite the fact that in our gut we may feel another opinion is more correct, but we don't want to stand out from the crowd. Or we may behave a certain way (consuming alcohol beyond what we really want to consume, for example, or buying more articles of clothing than we really want or need) in order to fit in - another (albeit lesser, perhaps) selling of the soul.

A good part of this happens due to a lack of living an aware life. The more aware an individual is, the more he will either give weight to his own opinions and character traits, or recognize that they need some tweaking, and will begin the process of doing this. Awareness leads to a greater love of the self and a greater (healthy) love of the self means that you would never want to sell your soul and wear someone else's clothes.

Are You Choosing Your Thoughts?

What you think and believe does not necessarily originate in you. We're all endlessly (and often mindlessly) influenced by that which we hear and see on a daily basis, including, but not limited to TV, the press, billboards, talk shows, and even reality TV, not to mention what our family, friends, and work colleagues discuss with us.

Well yes, you may say to me, but I still choose what I think about and what I believe. I beg to differ. Remember when we were told eggs were bad for us? Raise your hand if you changed your eating habits based on that one (or perhaps you still believe it). Ditto margarine being better for our health than butter. How about when they said that surgery, chemotherapy and radiation therapy were the best (and some say the only) way to go with cancer treatment? How about hormone treatment for andropausal men and menopausal women? Is it good or bad? Does it cause cancer or not? Or when they say that this politician is bad, that one is good and will save your country. Or: sugar is bad for you, therefore have artificial sweeteners such as saccharine or aspartame. Not to mention the amount of thoughts and beliefs we hold to be true because they form part of what we see on those talk shows, sitcoms, and reality TV as well as what we see on our pervasive social networking sites.

What does this mean? Have we all been converted into walking, mindless zombies? I believe a large part of it is due to the reading, listening and viewing choices we make on a daily basis. We appear to have lost the art of discernment, as well as the art of verifying things we hear. Just because we heard it on the news, or because all our friends are saying it, means little. We should, perhaps, take a closer look at the origin of some of these thoughts and beliefs, or do some research - even if just cursory - which nowadays is so easy thanks to the Internet, in order to substantiate what we are hearing. If I base a portion of my life on a specific set of thoughts or a belief - even if it is just something as simple as whether I make the choice to eat eggs in the face of a barrage of so-called expert commentators on TV, and articles in the mainstream press - it must be because I have first satisfied my own set of criteria for this belief.

So in some fashion this whole thing boils down to how much I care about myself. Am I willing (and aware enough) to look at things in a slightly deeper way in order to decide whether to believe something? Or will I take the easy road and simply accept, think and believe because it's out there ... everywhere and thus sell my soul?

Neglecting Yourself

This scenario happens more frequently than we care to admit: you may neglect your other interests, if these interests are not of importance to your significant other. In some fashion, therefore, we might say that you are neglecting your own life. And this is very important because when you may need the support of those interests in your life at some future point, you will be disconnected from them. (Interests can support you because when things are difficult in other areas of your life, they can help hold you up, precisely because they capture your attention in critical ways and hence are capable of giving meaning to your life, something which is always of significance, but tremendously important during bad times).

Alternatively, you may neglect your friends in order to spend more time with your partner. This is crucial because when you may need that social network at some future point, it - your friends - may no longer be available to you.

Another possibility is that you may decide to give up certain ideas and opinions in order to mold yourself more closely to your partner. If you think only a wimp would do this, only someone with no character and no moral fiber, allow me to remind you of the fact that we are extremely good at rationalizing and convincing ourselves that we are doing something because we really want to and only recognize after the facts that we did indeed drop those ideas and opinions to fit in better, or to please the other. And lest it be thought that I am advocating never pleasing the other, that is not the case. But it is a case of being very conscious and clear about what is going on when you do so. You might please the other with an article of clothing, a certain type of perfume, taking up a sport (if you really want to and really enjoy it), or any other example you care to mention,  but if you convert to Judaism or Catholicism or Buddhism to please the other, or if you change political parties to please the other (or to have a better atmosphere at home), or if you start (or stop) smoking to please the other, or start going to the opera or football games to please the other, then do make absolutely certain that you are, in fact, also pleasing yourself.

You may ultimately lose a portion of yourself by doing some of the above or similar things because in some ways that are not healthy, you will have become fused with the other person, and this lost portion of yourself will only then come back into your consciousness when you either recognize what has happened, or perhaps when the relationship breaks up. Losing this part of yourself to please another or to have a relationship without problems, or because you want to continue feeling the way you did at the beginning, is a very large price to pay.

Selling your soul is dangerous. But it's far more dangerous not admit to yourself that somewhere along the way you did this. Because if you never admit it, you'll never recover that soul that you sold. And don't get me wrong: I'm not criticizing any of these hypothetical individuals I've described, at least, not the ones in all but the very first paragraph. But any kind of selling of the soul is heinous when you examine it from the point of view of what it does to you. It numbs you, it deadens you, and it leaves pieces of you in a place from which you may never be able to retrieve them. Give clear and aware intention to becoming more conscious and in the process retrieve your soul. Do this because you care for yourself.

*********************************

Also visit my book website: www.gabriellakortsch.com where you may download excerpts or read quotations from any of my books. My new book Emotional Unavailability & Neediness: Two Sides of the Same Coin is now out globally on Amazon in print & Kindle. You can also obtain it (or any of my other books) via Barnes & Noble.

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (English)


Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (Spanish & German - coming April 2015)

 

Note: If you are wondering why this blog is now only appearing on alternate days (excluding Sat/Sun), it is because I also post on my other blog on the others days. That other blog is The Tao of Spiritual Partnership, so named for another one of my books. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed.

My blog posts are also featured on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+, Pinterest & you can find me on Instagram

Meine Bücher auf deutsch April 2015 / Mis libros en español abril 2015

Angefangen mit Rewiring the Soul - auf deutsch: Wiedervereinigung mit der Seele (Blog hier), werden meine Bücher auf Amazon im April 2015 erhaltbar sein.

Empezando con Rewiring the Soul - en español: Reconectar con el Alma (blog aquí), se podrán encontrar mis libros en Amazon en español en todo el mundo a partir de abril 2015.


Friday, February 27, 2015

Choosing Something Different Rather Than Worrying



One evening my Live Your Best Life group that has been meeting with me on a weekly basis since 2010 (not always the same people of course), was discussing the topic of worry and how best to deal with it. We looked at many parts of this, including the body, the emotions and thoughts, and the spirit, and much of our talk revolved around a proactive way of looking for solutions to the subject of worry, as opposed to giving in to mindless worry.

However, at some point one of the members remarked on the fact that there are, of course, situations when there is no solution. You may not be able to heal from your illness, you may not be able to find a job anytime soon, you may not be able to stop the bank from repossessing your home, you may not be able to keep your partner from walking out, you may not be given that promotion, and of course an infinite number of other examples could be listed.

So what do you do then? What happens to that proactive looking for a solution business when there is no solution? I believe that this can be answered very simply in just a few words: you then focus on how you will react to - and live with - this new situation. You may also wish to draw to mind some famous words by Krishnamurti spoken in the '60's when he was on the West Coast giving lectures. At one point he said to those who followed him and came to these lectures, that he realized they had not yet understood a fundamental point of his teaching, and that therefore, that evening he would tell them the secret to his happiness. It was this: the secret to my happiness is not minding what happens. (Click here to read another post on this blog with further explanations about this concept: Not Minding What Happens).

How you react and what you decide to do with your thoughts and feelings, are all a matter of choice. Is that easy? No. But it's learn-able and do-able. I've written a great deal about choice and you can click on the label under this post, or these articles that have previously appeared:
So: how do you react, and what do you decide to do with your thoughts and feelings when worrisome matters enter your life? The choice will always be yours.

Image: Translucent Lunaria annua seed pods

*********************************

Also visit my book website: www.gabriellakortsch.com where you may download excerpts or read quotations from any of my books. My new book Emotional Unavailability & Neediness: Two Sides of the Same Coin is now out globally on Amazon in print & Kindle. You can also obtain it (or any of my other books) via Barnes & Noble.

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (English)


Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (Spanish & German - coming April 2015)


Note: If you are wondering why this blog is now only appearing on alternate days (excluding Sat/Sun), it is because I also post on my other blog on the others days. That other blog is The Tao of Spiritual Partnership, so named for another one of my books. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed.

My blog posts are also featured on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+, Pinterest & you can find me on Instagram

Meine Bücher auf deutsch April 2015 / Mis libros en español abril 2015

Angefangen mit Rewiring the Soul - auf deutsch: Wiedervereinigung mit der Seele (Blog hier), werden meine Bücher auf Amazon im April 2015 erhaltbar sein.

Empezando con Rewiring the Soul - en español: Reconectar con el Alma (blog aquí), se podrán encontrar mis libros en Amazon en español en todo el mundo a partir de abril 2015.