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"A revelation of insight into the foundations of human suffering & transcendence. It not only lays out essential steps for inner freedom and joy but illuminates the way to true human potential." Paul Rademacher, author: A Spiritual Hitchhiker's Guide to the Universe

"The masterwork of a profoundly gifted healer of the soul. Dazzling, challenging, wondrously useful." Peggy Rubin, author: To Be and How To Be, Transforming Your Life Through Sacred Theatre

"Rewiring the Soul is one the best introductions to the spiritual life I've ever read. Not esoteric but real-world and practical. The implications are profound." Peter Shepherd, author: Daring To Be Yourself

Tuesday, March 3, 2015

The Price of Selling Your Soul


Remember Ebenezer Scrooge? "Bah! Humbug!" were his favorite words. He seemed to have forgotten about his humanity and only cared for wealth. Ho-hum, you say, it's just an old Dickensian Christmas tale. Well, what about Gordon Gekko (played by Michael Douglas) in the movie Wall Street? Had he not also forgotten about his humanity in his eternal quest for even more money? Was he not personifying the lust for continual acquisition that overtook us in the latter half of the 20th Century on a scale more vast than we had ever seen? Just a movie, you say? Well how about Bernie Madoff and his Ponzi scheme that left countless investors who had trusted him with their life savings? Did he not also forget about his humanity? Did he not sell his soul? Yes, you say, but those are not people like us. We don't have access to that kind of money to be able to manipulate someone like that … we'd never be able to do such a thing.

Fair enough. Let's look a bit closer to home. How often - at least traditionally - have woman not sold their souls for the security of a comfortable home in suburbia and a relatively carefree life by marrying someone they liked but did not really love? Or, how often do others (both men and women) give up their heart's desire and sell their soul to have that safe job as an accountant or mid-level manager for the security of a job, a guaranteed salary, two weeks paid vacation per year, and a pension?

Wearing Someone Else's Clothes

When I was still in the corporate world and received my first important promotion, I went to a tailor and had five suits made that looked like men's suits. I even wore some of them with a jaunty kind of feminine tie. Fortunately the suits looked rather good on me, but that phase of my wardrobe did not last very long as I soon realized I did not have to wear men's clothes to do what was - then - considered to be a man's job.

Wearing someone else's clothes happens when we take on the characteristics and mannerisms, the personality traits, the beliefs and the way of behaving of another human being. It may start out because we admire someone. It may begin because we wish to emulate what they have done in order to get there ourselves.

But there is a great distance between emulating someone's proactive behavior in order to achieve a goal and actually taking on that person's characteristics because we have not given our own being enough importance, or, what may be even worse, because we have not come to know and appreciate ourselves to any extent.

Back in the day women would often take on their husband's political and religious opinions. In conversations (and I remember hearing this phrase when chatting with friends in the early 70's), many sentences would begin with 'my husband says that ...' or 'Johnny believes that ... ' or ' Bill says we should ...'. It's not hard to grasp that this happened in part because these women gave little weight to their own opinions (which again, we could say formed the tapestry of the patriarchal social paradigm that already was in the throes of a major shift, but had not yet truly changed).

But in our present world this often becomes apparent in the way many of us take on the opinions of a majority - opinions we have not necessarily examined and thought out properly. Frequently this happens despite the fact that in our gut we may feel another opinion is more correct, but we don't want to stand out from the crowd. Or we may behave a certain way (consuming alcohol beyond what we really want to consume, for example, or buying more articles of clothing than we really want or need) in order to fit in - another (albeit lesser, perhaps) selling of the soul.

A good part of this happens due to a lack of living an aware life. The more aware an individual is, the more he will either give weight to his own opinions and character traits, or recognize that they need some tweaking, and will begin the process of doing this. Awareness leads to a greater love of the self and a greater (healthy) love of the self means that you would never want to sell your soul and wear someone else's clothes.

Are You Choosing Your Thoughts?

What you think and believe does not necessarily originate in you. We're all endlessly (and often mindlessly) influenced by that which we hear and see on a daily basis, including, but not limited to TV, the press, billboards, talk shows, and even reality TV, not to mention what our family, friends, and work colleagues discuss with us.

Well yes, you may say to me, but I still choose what I think about and what I believe. I beg to differ. Remember when we were told eggs were bad for us? Raise your hand if you changed your eating habits based on that one (or perhaps you still believe it). Ditto margarine being better for our health than butter. How about when they said that surgery, chemotherapy and radiation therapy were the best (and some say the only) way to go with cancer treatment? How about hormone treatment for andropausal men and menopausal women? Is it good or bad? Does it cause cancer or not? Or when they say that this politician is bad, that one is good and will save your country. Or: sugar is bad for you, therefore have artificial sweeteners such as saccharine or aspartame. Not to mention the amount of thoughts and beliefs we hold to be true because they form part of what we see on those talk shows, sitcoms, and reality TV as well as what we see on our pervasive social networking sites.

What does this mean? Have we all been converted into walking, mindless zombies? I believe a large part of it is due to the reading, listening and viewing choices we make on a daily basis. We appear to have lost the art of discernment, as well as the art of verifying things we hear. Just because we heard it on the news, or because all our friends are saying it, means little. We should, perhaps, take a closer look at the origin of some of these thoughts and beliefs, or do some research - even if just cursory - which nowadays is so easy thanks to the Internet, in order to substantiate what we are hearing. If I base a portion of my life on a specific set of thoughts or a belief - even if it is just something as simple as whether I make the choice to eat eggs in the face of a barrage of so-called expert commentators on TV, and articles in the mainstream press - it must be because I have first satisfied my own set of criteria for this belief.

So in some fashion this whole thing boils down to how much I care about myself. Am I willing (and aware enough) to look at things in a slightly deeper way in order to decide whether to believe something? Or will I take the easy road and simply accept, think and believe because it's out there ... everywhere and thus sell my soul?

Neglecting Yourself

This scenario happens more frequently than we care to admit: you may neglect your other interests, if these interests are not of importance to your significant other. In some fashion, therefore, we might say that you are neglecting your own life. And this is very important because when you may need the support of those interests in your life at some future point, you will be disconnected from them. (Interests can support you because when things are difficult in other areas of your life, they can help hold you up, precisely because they capture your attention in critical ways and hence are capable of giving meaning to your life, something which is always of significance, but tremendously important during bad times).

Alternatively, you may neglect your friends in order to spend more time with your partner. This is crucial because when you may need that social network at some future point, it - your friends - may no longer be available to you.

Another possibility is that you may decide to give up certain ideas and opinions in order to mold yourself more closely to your partner. If you think only a wimp would do this, only someone with no character and no moral fiber, allow me to remind you of the fact that we are extremely good at rationalizing and convincing ourselves that we are doing something because we really want to and only recognize after the facts that we did indeed drop those ideas and opinions to fit in better, or to please the other. And lest it be thought that I am advocating never pleasing the other, that is not the case. But it is a case of being very conscious and clear about what is going on when you do so. You might please the other with an article of clothing, a certain type of perfume, taking up a sport (if you really want to and really enjoy it), or any other example you care to mention,  but if you convert to Judaism or Catholicism or Buddhism to please the other, or if you change political parties to please the other (or to have a better atmosphere at home), or if you start (or stop) smoking to please the other, or start going to the opera or football games to please the other, then do make absolutely certain that you are, in fact, also pleasing yourself.

You may ultimately lose a portion of yourself by doing some of the above or similar things because in some ways that are not healthy, you will have become fused with the other person, and this lost portion of yourself will only then come back into your consciousness when you either recognize what has happened, or perhaps when the relationship breaks up. Losing this part of yourself to please another or to have a relationship without problems, or because you want to continue feeling the way you did at the beginning, is a very large price to pay.

Selling your soul is dangerous. But it's far more dangerous not admit to yourself that somewhere along the way you did this. Because if you never admit it, you'll never recover that soul that you sold. And don't get me wrong: I'm not criticizing any of these hypothetical individuals I've described, at least, not the ones in all but the very first paragraph. But any kind of selling of the soul is heinous when you examine it from the point of view of what it does to you. It numbs you, it deadens you, and it leaves pieces of you in a place from which you may never be able to retrieve them. Give clear and aware intention to becoming more conscious and in the process retrieve your soul. Do this because you care for yourself.

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Also visit my book website: www.gabriellakortsch.com where you may download excerpts or read quotations from any of my books. My new book Emotional Unavailability & Neediness: Two Sides of the Same Coin is now out globally on Amazon in print & Kindle. You can also obtain it (or any of my other books) via Barnes & Noble.

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (English)


Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (Spanish & German - coming April 2015)

 

Note: If you are wondering why this blog is now only appearing on alternate days (excluding Sat/Sun), it is because I also post on my other blog on the others days. That other blog is The Tao of Spiritual Partnership, so named for another one of my books. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed.

My blog posts are also featured on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+, Pinterest & you can find me on Instagram

Meine Bücher auf deutsch April 2015 / Mis libros en español abril 2015

Angefangen mit Rewiring the Soul - auf deutsch: Wiedervereinigung mit der Seele (Blog hier), werden meine Bücher auf Amazon im April 2015 erhaltbar sein.

Empezando con Rewiring the Soul - en español: Reconectar con el Alma (blog aquí), se podrán encontrar mis libros en Amazon en español en todo el mundo a partir de abril 2015.


Friday, February 27, 2015

Choosing Something Different Rather Than Worrying



One evening my Live Your Best Life group that has been meeting with me on a weekly basis since 2010 (not always the same people of course), was discussing the topic of worry and how best to deal with it. We looked at many parts of this, including the body, the emotions and thoughts, and the spirit, and much of our talk revolved around a proactive way of looking for solutions to the subject of worry, as opposed to giving in to mindless worry.

However, at some point one of the members remarked on the fact that there are, of course, situations when there is no solution. You may not be able to heal from your illness, you may not be able to find a job anytime soon, you may not be able to stop the bank from repossessing your home, you may not be able to keep your partner from walking out, you may not be given that promotion, and of course an infinite number of other examples could be listed.

So what do you do then? What happens to that proactive looking for a solution business when there is no solution? I believe that this can be answered very simply in just a few words: you then focus on how you will react to - and live with - this new situation. You may also wish to draw to mind some famous words by Krishnamurti spoken in the '60's when he was on the West Coast giving lectures. At one point he said to those who followed him and came to these lectures, that he realized they had not yet understood a fundamental point of his teaching, and that therefore, that evening he would tell them the secret to his happiness. It was this: the secret to my happiness is not minding what happens. (Click here to read another post on this blog with further explanations about this concept: Not Minding What Happens).

How you react and what you decide to do with your thoughts and feelings, are all a matter of choice. Is that easy? No. But it's learn-able and do-able. I've written a great deal about choice and you can click on the label under this post, or these articles that have previously appeared:
So: how do you react, and what do you decide to do with your thoughts and feelings when worrisome matters enter your life? The choice will always be yours.

Image: Translucent Lunaria annua seed pods

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Also visit my book website: www.gabriellakortsch.com where you may download excerpts or read quotations from any of my books. My new book Emotional Unavailability & Neediness: Two Sides of the Same Coin is now out globally on Amazon in print & Kindle. You can also obtain it (or any of my other books) via Barnes & Noble.

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (English)


Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (Spanish & German - coming April 2015)


Note: If you are wondering why this blog is now only appearing on alternate days (excluding Sat/Sun), it is because I also post on my other blog on the others days. That other blog is The Tao of Spiritual Partnership, so named for another one of my books. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed.

My blog posts are also featured on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+, Pinterest & you can find me on Instagram

Meine Bücher auf deutsch April 2015 / Mis libros en español abril 2015

Angefangen mit Rewiring the Soul - auf deutsch: Wiedervereinigung mit der Seele (Blog hier), werden meine Bücher auf Amazon im April 2015 erhaltbar sein.

Empezando con Rewiring the Soul - en español: Reconectar con el Alma (blog aquí), se podrán encontrar mis libros en Amazon en español en todo el mundo a partir de abril 2015.


Wednesday, February 25, 2015

Feeling a River Move Within You

There is a beautiful quote by Jalal ad-Din Rumi that goes like this:

When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy.

Isn't it true that when your soul is allowed to be your guide, you feel joy within? You almost don't even have to know what it is that your soul is guiding you towards, if you allow yourself to be steered by the joy you feel inside when you are moving in that direction.

Somehow you know, if you ever listen to any of this type of dialogue with yourself (and I know that many people are not used to doing this, despite the fact that it is in actual fact very simple), when you are not on the right track, because you feel a twisting inside, a lack of joy, you feel that something is not right.

We're not talking here about ethics or morals or doing charity work or anything at all in particular ... because the music of your soul - as Rumi refers to it - may let its melodies be felt in any kind of activity or thought or reaction or behaviour. What is important is that there are certain activities or modes of behaviour that make you realize that the river no longer moves within you, the joy no longer flows, just as there are other activities or behaviours that create precisely the opposite feeling.
What if there is no joy within, what if you feel as though there is no connection to the moving of that inner river?

If you are aware of it, you have already come a long way ... more than many. Even if all you are aware of is the lack of joy. So then you could start listening to your inner voice, your intuition, a small step at a time, exploring, searching, to find out what gives you joy. Perhaps you could try doing the opposite of some of the things that you do but that don't allow you to feel the river within.

When you do things from your soul, when you have that connection (see also Tending Your Inner Garden), when you pay attention to the joy inside, you are on the road to the place you meant to go to when you came here.

When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy.

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Also visit my book website: www.gabriellakortsch.com where you may download excerpts or read quotations from any of my books. My new book Emotional Unavailability & Neediness: Two Sides of the Same Coin is now out globally on Amazon in print & Kindle. You can also obtain it (or any of my other books) via Barnes & Noble.

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (English)


Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch (Spanish & German - coming April 2015)


Note: If you are wondering why this blog is now only appearing on alternate days (excluding Sat/Sun), it is because I also post on my other blog on the others days. That other blog is The Tao of Spiritual Partnership, so named for another one of my books. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed.

My blog posts are also featured on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+, Pinterest & you can find me on Instagram

Meine Bücher auf deutsch April 2015 / Mis libros en español abril 2015

Angefangen mit Rewiring the Soul - auf deutsch: Wiedervereinigung mit der Seele (Blog hier), werden meine Bücher auf Amazon im April 2015 erhaltbar sein.

Empezando con Rewiring the Soul - en español: Reconectar con el Alma (blog aquí), se podrán encontrar mis libros en Amazon en español en todo el mundo a partir de abril 2015.


Monday, February 23, 2015

Dealing With Illness - On All Levels



Being diagnosed with a life-threatening illness yourself, or having it happen to a person you are close to can be devastating. Adding more negativity to the picture, it is also very frightening and downright paralyzing, in great part due to the rapidly escalating thoughts and feelings that may overwhelm you once you hear the doctor's words.

It's exactly at this point - which probably happens quite quickly and in rapid succession after having received the diagnosis - that you must step in and be prepared to do something. Stepping in means you must take charge, instead of allowing all those thoughts and feelings you are experiencing to be the ones who are in charge. If they remain in charge, they literally affect your energetic frequency, which means they affect your cells. Imagine a rose you have planted that has been doing well and finally you notice it has some strange sticky bugs on the leaves. Apart from consulting with an expert, you would probably now do your utmost to ensure that the soil in which the plant lives is clean. You would perhaps spray it with something that might help clear out those bugs. You would probably give it health- and growth-enhancing fertilizer, changing as well its position vis-à-vis the sun, watering more or perhaps less, and thus doing, in other words, everything you could to improve the 'environment' of the rose. You must do the same with yourself.

That requires awareness. We've looked at that topic many times over the course of these 10 years that I've been writing this monthly newsletter, so suffice it to say that awareness means you need to be able to recognize your own thoughts and be able to bring them to a less tumultuous state than the one they may currently be in. Here's a past article to refresh your memory: Consciousness is a Full-time Job.

Your thoughts and feelings can be dealt with - gently - by following a daily practice of mindfulness which will literally train your mind and form new neural pathways in your brain, in order to be able to take greater cognizance - to be more aware - at all times of your thoughts and hence your feelings, and above all, to recognize that you are capable of making choices about all of this, and hence literally influence and improve your well-being.

Many people who in fact know all these things I've been discussing, nevertheless lose sight of them when they receive a diagnosis that frightens them, and it all flies out of the window, and they give in to their most dire thoughts and feelings, thus creating an even more unhealthy environment for their body.  

Think of it like this: imagine you have just had the cast removed after a multiple fracture of your tibia. You are so frightened that you'll never walk properly again. The orthopedic surgeon tells you that you'll need about two months of serious physiotherapy and then will still require further time after that until you are back up to speed. Again, your thoughts and fears take over, and all you can concentrate on is the fear that it won't ever happen; that you'll never walk without a limp again. Then, instead of going to those sessions of physiotherapy, you stay at home. As time passes, the lack of mobility in your leg becomes more and more pronounced and in the end, you truly do not recover your motor skills. Now I realize that almost no one would do this, but take it as an analogy of what happens to most people who receive a poor health diagnosis. They focus on the problem. They freeze. They may accept conventional treatment (and this article is not at all about refusing such treatment), but their thoughts and feelings remain stuck in one specific place - a very negative place, or a fear-filled place.

If at that moment in time you are able to implement the above ideas into your life, as follows, you will be doing all that is possible in order to improve the state of your health:
  • by taking as good care as possible of your body, but not necessarily by racing off to the latest surgeon/healer/shaman/alternative treatment, as much as giving your body an inner and outer environment that is conducive to healing, and that has the capacity to affect your very genes
  • by consulting the best physicians/healers possible (but without making an obsession of it, because if you do, you will probably contribute to a lowering of your energetic frequency). Remember, the physicians and healers are only part of the answer. YOU are just as large a part of that answer. You.
  • by doing your own research, because after all, it is your body, and to some degree, you should make yourself responsible for how you progress from this point forward (but again, not by obsessing, for the same reasons as mentioned above). Self-responsibility is one of the most freeing actions you can take for your life and inner well-being.
  • by surrounding yourself with those of your friends and family who are capable of giving you good - not pitying or sad or worried - energy, and studiously avoiding those people, situations, films, conversations, books, talks, etc., who are not doing this for you, and hence are lowering your energy (which, as said, affects your cells)
  • by gently working on all those issues that continue to persist in your life. Is there resentment, pain, anger, frustration over people and events in your past? Do you need to learn how to forgive, create better boundaries, understand and eliminate patterns that you have been reliving over and over again, or begin to love yourself better, etc.?
  • by seeking gratitude, beauty, and inner harmony at all times, which in turn will also affect your energy, but on very positive levels
  • by furthermore reading, viewing, and listening to material that also contributes to this raising of your energetic frequency, ensuring that the tools you consistently use throughout the course of your day - every day - further this quest for continually either raising your energetic frequency, or maintaining it in a good place, assuming you are already there
  • by realizing, as you do all this, that you are working more and more towards that most excellent and life-giving goal of loving yourself in the healthiest way possible, recognizing that self-love is totally up to you, and finally
  • by continually taking stock of your thoughts and feelings in such a way that you move them in directions that are energy-raising as opposed to energy-depleting, positive as opposed to negative, but recognizing that your responsibility in this diagnosis of illness of yours is not to figure out how to cure yourself, but to maintain yourself, or bring yourself to a place inside of you where your inner state of energetic frequency and your inner state of well-being is - by your choice, not by external circumstances - always as good as you can possibly make it (knowing that it truly is up to you), in order to bathe your being and your body in the most excellent and nourishing climate you are able to. This - all of this - is a choice.


Note: All underlined words in today's article can be used as searchable key words on this blog for other articles and posts offering further explanations - scroll down and click on the labels.

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Also visit my book website: www.gabriellakortsch.com where you may download excerpts or read quotations from any of my books. My new book Emotional Unavailability & Neediness: Two Sides of the Same Coin is now out globally on Amazon in print & Kindle. You can also obtain it (or any of my other books) via Barnes & Noble.

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch


Note: If you are wondering why this blog is now only appearing on alternate days (excluding Sat/Sun), it is because I also post on my other blog on the others days. That other blog is The Tao of Spiritual Partnership, so named for another one of my books. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed.

My blog posts are also featured on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+, Pinterest & you can find me on Instagram

Meine Bücher auf deutsch April 2015 / Mis libros en español abril 2015

Angefangen mit Rewiring the Soul - auf deutsch: Wiedervereinigung mit der Seele (Blog hier), werden meine Bücher auf Amazon im April 2015 erhaltbar sein.

Empezando con Rewiring the Soul - en español: Reconectar con el Alma (blog aquí), se podrán encontrar mis libros en Amazon en español en todo el mundo a partir de abril 2015.


Thursday, February 19, 2015

Toxic Work Environments


Living a difficult situation at work can be one of the hardest things to deal with. Many people have told me about how much such a situation affects their daily well-being as well as the state of their inner energy. It can affect your mood, your happiness; it can cause despair, anger, suffering, anxiety, stress, panic attacks, and even depression. A sensation of helplessness and hopelessness can pervade your daily life, and if you feel you are impotent in the face of whatever your particular work circumstances may be, it may drive you to rage, or conversely, on weekends, it may cause migraines, back pains, or other manifestations of a physiological nature that affect your health. In a word, depending on the specific factors involved in your situation, and the way you are dealing with them, something like this has the potential power of making your life very miserable indeed.

You may be experiencing issues with supervisors or bosses, or you might have difficult-to-deal with interpersonal issues with colleagues, occasionally even with employees, although often that is the easiest one to solve - either way, your life is miserable. The situation at work has crept with ever-expanding tentacles into every corner of your life.

So what can you do? I'm going to assume you've exhausted all the usual possibilities: above all, you've attempted to communicate and thus far, at least, your endeavors have not met with success. Life continues to be fraught with difficulty.

Here are some ways of moving forward while you contemplate other potential solutions:
  • Realizing that this situation is creating stress, anxiety, and worse in you, which affects not only your psyche, but also your body, you already know how important it is to learn how to relax. Doing some simple daily mindfulness exercises will take you in that direction (more below).
  • Realizing that part of what ails you is how much your thoughts go in a continual loop about what is bothering you, you already know how important it is to learn how to be in charge of those thoughts, as opposed to the thoughts being in charge of you. Doing some simple daily mindfulness exercises will take you in that direction (more below).
  • Realizing that the more aware you are at all times: of your thoughts, your reactions, your feelings, etc., you already know how important it is to learn how to be aware as much as possible all throughout your day. Doing some simple daily mindfulness exercises will take you in that direction (more below).
So what can you do that is so simple, and that is called mindfulness, and that will help you with all these issues? Take a 15-minute walk every day with the following guidelines:

Choose a time, during daylight hours when you can walk unimpeded, on your own, for 15 minutes. Start by focusing on the beauty around you, whether this is beauty you see, smell, hear, taste or touch. When you do this, also allow yourself to feel gratitude for whatever it is you are perceiving with one or more of your senses. This brings you into the present moment, allowing your mind to be still. Then do it again, by noticing something else, and again, feel the gratitude. Try to continue doing this for the entire 15 minutes; i.e., go from one beautiful thing to another and each time pause to appreciate the beauty, then feel gratitude for its presence in your life at that moment. If at one point you realize your thoughts have wandered off to your worries or past pain, or just everyday problems, don’t get annoyed with yourself. Simply pull yourself back to noticing beauty again until your 15 minutes are up.

This simple exercise allows new neural pathways to form and strengthen each time you practice the mindfulness walk. This exercise builds on itself day after day, and the section of your brain that has a great deal to do with inner well-being, and the speed with which you can 'switch' over to it, will grow in strength even more quickly.

This means, with regards to the topic of a toxic work environment, that you will - as you practice this more and more - be able to find pockets of time every day in which you are able to move yourself - inside of yourself - to a better place, one where you don't feel quite as awful as you normally do. As time passes, these pockets of time will grow in length, and after having practiced this for a time, you will notice that you spend more time in the good place than in the toxic one - at least internally. You will notice that your practice of the walk permeates your daily life simply as you notice a plant you may have on your desk, or one that you see outside the window, or a painting on the wall (or poster) that appeals to you, and so on.

You may also notice - as an added benefit, that as you spend more time in a less toxic place inside your head, heart, and gut (remember, we have three brains - and they all impact us - for more information also see Introducing Our Second & Third Brains: We Do Think With Our Heart and Instinct), that this better place inside of you - that you have brought about thanks to your practice of mindfulness - leads you either to other, better thoughts or attitudes about your current situation, and potential solutions to it, or actually brings other solutions to you, perhaps because you are more open to them energetically, or both.

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Also visit my book website: www.gabriellakortsch.com where you may download excerpts or read quotations from any of my books. My new book Emotional Unavailability & Neediness: Two Sides of the Same Coin is now out globally on Amazon in print & Kindle. You can also obtain it (or any of my other books) via Barnes & Noble.

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch


Note: If you are wondering why this blog is now only appearing on alternate days (excluding Sat/Sun), it is because I also post on my other blog on the others days. That other blog is The Tao of Spiritual Partnership, so named for another one of my books. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed.

My blog posts are also featured on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+, Pinterest & you can find me on Instagram

Meine Bücher auf deutsch April 2015 / Mis libros en español abril 2015

Angefangen mit Rewiring the Soul - auf deutsch: Wiedervereinigung mit der Seele (Blog hier), werden meine Bücher auf Amazon im April 2015 erhaltbar sein.

Empezando con Rewiring the Soul - en español: Reconectar con el Alma (blog aquí), se podrán encontrar mis libros en Amazon en español en todo el mundo a partir de abril 2015.


Tuesday, February 17, 2015

Learn Compassion From Backstabbing


Not a splendid topic, I'm afraid. Anyone who has been subject to backstabbing by another - especially a trusted other, perhaps even a loved other - knows the pain, the consternation, the absolute bewilderment and shock that can accompany it. Being at the receiving end of backstabbing is rarely an expected event, and can create much anguish in the midst of an overwhelming sense of betrayal and loss of trust.

Let's examine what it means: the Oxford Dictionary defines backstabbing as "the action of criticizing someone in a treacherous manner despite pretending friendship with them." That sounds as though it contains an element of hypocrisy as well - why else would the backstabber pretend friendship or other friendly behaviors with you?

OK. It's happened to you and furthermore, it's happened with someone who is very important to you. You ask yourself whether you are guilty of some of the things you are being accused (back stabbed) about. Your answer to this will vary, depending on any number of factors, but let's imagine you do believe you might have done some of the things that are being said. But of course, the next question is: why are you not being asked about it in a open and friendly manner? Why is such backhanded behavior necessary, especially if the person/s being told about it are people that are also important to you, and telling them in this way could undermine and thus have a potentially disastrous effect on your relationship with them?

Backstabbing will often take the form of partial truths. The insidious whispers about you behind your back may contain elements of the truth and other elements that have nothing to do with the truth. The hapless recipient of the information being whispered to in this fashion has no idea what is going on. This makes for an even more fraught situation.

So here you are. You've looked at all of this and you've searched your heart, and taken a step back to calm yourself and now you've understood that it requires some calm talking, a conversation where the opinions of both sides are put out on the table, and so you've instigated such a conversation. Not necessarily an easy thing to do. You've managed to refrain from blaming the other during the conversation, and you've attempted to understand the other person's point of view (even though you may still have a hard time understanding why he/she had such a hard time being open with you instead of letting you know in that back-handed way by telling people you care for, but you also understand that some people just have a harder time being open), and you seem to have reached an understanding. The other person agrees that transparency is paramount and that from now on that is what will happen, if the relationship is to move forward. Undoubtedly you are thrilled. Such a conversation is never easy, and it appears you have found - at least some - common ground. Your world is good again.

And shortly after, or even some time after, the same backstabbing occurs again. Now what? If you take a look on the internet, you will find thousands of pieces on this subject, most of them recommending that if you reach the point I've discussed in this blog post, you might as well write that person off. There's no cure for them.

Here's my take on it: they are in pain. You may need to distance yourself, in order that they inflict no more pain on you, but you need to move forward with compassion. Reflect on their pain, which probably originates from a time in their life long before you had any kind of a connection, and then hold compassion for them in your heart as you reflect on them. Surrounding another with compassion in your thoughts has been shown to change the energy that lies between the two people. Perhaps it also will here.

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Also visit my book website: www.gabriellakortsch.com where you may download excerpts or read quotations from any of my books. My new book Emotional Unavailability & Neediness: Two Sides of the Same Coin is now out globally on Amazon in print & Kindle. You can also obtain it (or any of my other books) via Barnes & Noble.

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch


Note: If you are wondering why this blog is now only appearing on alternate days (excluding Sat/Sun), it is because I also post on my other blog on the others days. That other blog is The Tao of Spiritual Partnership, so named for another one of my books. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed.

My blog posts are also featured on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+, Pinterest & you can find me on Instagram

Meine Bücher auf deutsch April 2015 / Mis libros en español abril 2015

Angefangen mit Rewiring the Soul - auf deutsch: Wiedervereinigung mit der Seele (Blog hier), werden meine Bücher auf Amazon im April 2015 erhaltbar sein.

Empezando con Rewiring the Soul - en español: Reconectar con el Alma (blog aquí), se podrán encontrar mis libros en Amazon en español en todo el mundo a partir de abril 2015.


Friday, February 13, 2015

How Much Would You Have Tried if Failure Were Not a Concern?


Would you have participated in that tennis tournament if you had not been worrying about failing? Would you have tried out for the spelling bee at school when you were a kid if you had not been worrying about failure? Part of failure is also connected to what we think about what others think of us when we 'fail'.

What about when you weren't accepted into law school? Or med school? Did you give up and accept whatever life had to offer you, or did you try again? Did your conception of failure rule you? Just think about it: how much more might you have done or tried, if you had not been worrying about failing at every step of the way?

Consider some of the world's best-known (for their achievements in any field), or most successful (in terms of money) people now, or from the annals of history: Michelangelo, Copernicus, Fleming (penicillin), Bell (telephone), Galileo, Gates, Jobs, Madame Curie, Einstein, Gutenberg, da Vinci, Edison, the Wright brothers, etc., to mention only a few. What would have happened if their fear of failure and what others might say of them had won precedence over their desire to forge ahead?

Obviously most of us aren't inventors or artists - our lives run in slightly more mundane channels - but what would have happened if your great-grandfather had not persevered and brought the entire family out of Germany just before WWII? Where would you be now - assuming you would be at all? Or what might have happened if your mother had not persevered - in the face of much failure - when she was fighting to offer you and your siblings a decent life? What might have happened if your father had not persevered and figured out a way to go to night school at the same time as working a hard job, in order to progress and offer you and your sisters the opportunity to go to university? Do you think that failure was ever part of their working vocabulary? Of course they might have given it a few moments' notice, but probably brushed it away as unimportant because they realized that this was simply something they had to do. And often what you have to do is less about the money it will afford you, and more about how you will feel about yourself and your sense of purpose in life.

Now back to you and your life in 2015. Perhaps your concerns are less earth-shattering. Or less lofty. That doesn't matter. You could choose to disregard the issues you have in your head regarding failure. Here's the thing: if you don't, you will always do less than you could because what you do dare to try will be conditioned by how you perceive what might happen if you fail. Think of soaring as high as you can and then let failure and all its dreaded connotations leave you. Don't wind up at the tail end of your life regretting all that you didn't try!

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Also visit my book website: www.gabriellakortsch.com where you may download excerpts or read quotations from any of my books. My new book Emotional Unavailability & Neediness: Two Sides of the Same Coin is now out globally on Amazon in print & Kindle. You can also obtain it (or any of my other books) via Barnes & Noble.

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch


Note: If you are wondering why this blog is now only appearing on alternate days (excluding Sat/Sun), it is because I also post on my other blog on the others days. That other blog is The Tao of Spiritual Partnership, so named for another one of my books. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed.

My blog posts are also featured on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+, Pinterest & you can find me on Instagram

Wednesday, February 11, 2015

Deciding to Live a Good Life


It almost sounds ludicrous, doesn't it? Living a good life depends on a number of factors being in place and that isn't necessarily always the case. Living a good life means major problems have been solved, or simply don't form part of the tapestry of your life. Living a good life means your loved ones are safe and sound, your own primary relationship is intact and - if not blooming - at least it is planted in frequently fertilized soil, and the state of your finances is healthy.

Obviously that is not always the case and therefore many readers will protest and say: How can you decide to live a good life if you just had bad news about your father's health? How can you decide to live a good life if your finances are in turmoil? How can you decide to live a good life if the political party that is in power in your country is making a shambles of the economy? How can you decide to live a good life if your relationship is in trouble?

Well, I have news for you. It is fully possible to live a good life even when other external factors are not as described above. It is 'merely' a question of deciding that it be so. There are quotation marks around the word merely because I am fully aware that this word may imply monumental changes in your life, and yet, again, it is merely a question of making a decision in order that those changes take place.

Here are some of them:
  • making conscious awareness part of your life (by practicing mindfulness, for example)
  • choosing all your reactions to everything from a place of conscious awareness
  • practicing gratitude at all times
  • learning to forgive
Putting all of these into practice signifies that you will be able to decide to live a good life - perhaps not immediately, as all of this requires practice, patience, intention, attention, and wisdom - but certainly in time. Whether you live a good life is not dependent on your outer circumstances, but on the choices you make inside of you.

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Also visit my book website: www.gabriellakortsch.com where you may download excerpts or read quotations from any of my books. My new book Emotional Unavailability & Neediness: Two Sides of the Same Coin is now out globally on Amazon in print & Kindle. You can also obtain it (or any of my other books) via Barnes & Noble.

Books by Dr. Gabriella Kortsch


Note: If you are wondering why this blog is now only appearing on alternate days (excluding Sat/Sun), it is because I also post on my other blog on the others days. That other blog is The Tao of Spiritual Partnership, so named for another one of my books. Click here to visit the blog and/or to sign up for the feed.

My blog posts are also featured on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+, Pinterest & you can find me on Instagram